I know we have talked a lot about this before but I am bringing it up again. A few days ago we had a good conversation with my sons therapist. One things she said is gfg has major abandonment issues. I asked her more about it because really I cant see how those possibly come from us. He may have felt abandoned when we left him at the TBS when he was 15 BUT he was already having major issues by then.... so I asked her if this was related to his being adopted. Her comment was probably... that all the literature talks about adopted kids often having issues with abandonment.
To me in a way this freed me up a bit from some of the uneasy guilt I feel. His being adopted was not my fault.... i am not the cause of that. It reminded me of an earlier therapist once commenting that his anger at me seemed to him to be displaced anger towards his birth mother.
I mentioned it to my PC daugther (who is also adopted). She is and has been totally disgusted with gfg. I try not to talk to her much about him because she really doesnt want to talk about him much and thinks we should just turn our backs on him I think. But I did mention he had abandonment issues. Her immediate reaction is that is probably because he is adopted. We had a really great (short) talk about it. She has obviously made peace with the issues herself BUT it struck me how she immediately understood this in him. She totally got it immediately. It was helpful to me to get her perspective.
The other thing the therapist said was that gfg told her he has an easier time lying to the people he feels most connected with. That seems so backwards to me but I think is probably true.
I asked her why she thought what happened happened. She said that when he starts to get close to the real issues he runs.... and that is what she thinks happened here. It makes sense when you look at his pattern. He has been in lot of treatment and usually he starts off really getting somewhere.... and then he blows it in some big way.
So anyway we are just kind of waiting to hear something.... and I am just trying to take care of myself and go on with my life. I am going back to weight watchers this morning to get back on track food wise.... since I totally stopped paying attention when I was gone.