Anyone dealing with just weed?

[dixiegirl40]

I've been trying to educate myself on weed. My GFG, 18, is a constant user. It seems to make him very agitated, at least when he's at home. He says it makes him not depressed and helps his adhd. Of course I've seen the lazy affect. He was already lazy but now he's really lazy. He swears he's not on anything else and I home tested him and that was all it showed. He is failing school and is very combative and can be prone to being violent.
It's a much longer story with many more issues but I have to get off right now. Just needing some advice if I should not be so worried if all he's doing is weed.

[toughlovin]

I am sorry you had to find us but I glad you did. There are several of us here with lots of experience in this area. So keep coming with questions and for support.

So first his behavior is such that you absolutely should be worried. It actually sounds like more than just weed to me.... although it could be. The thing is you don't really know because he is going to tell you it is just weed even if it is more than that. Many drugs do not show up on drug tests.... and there are lots of OTC things that are not tested for. But if he is using weed every day or a lot then he has at least the start of a serious drug problem.

My advice is actually to focus on the behaviors that are causing problems (agitation, failing school, violence, etc.) and set limits on those in whatever way you can. It is hard to pinpoint and set limits specifically on drug use because there are ways to get around drug tests... and you really can't believe what they tell you about their drug use. However you can set limits on what behavior you will accept in your home.....especially after they are 18 and are legally considered an adult. (I think we all know that our 18 year old pot smoknig gfgs are anything but adults).

Hope this helps.

TL

[92025]

Yes, me. it is very frustrating, all the kids seem to use at least a little, they all say it's completely harmless, not even a drug etc. My son used to be a black belt, now he's flunking and lazy.

[Mattsmom277]

I would not bother fighting about the weed. It usually ends up a futile argument. He may argue the weed use. A little harder to argue the man up issues. I'd focus on his use of his time (read: wasting his time). Maybe he needs a list of expectations that are realistic for his age. Job at least x amount of hours per week. X amount of rent. Even a token amount, meant to get him accustomed to bill paying and functioning as an adult. Household contributions such as daily cleaning jobs. Probably longer list when not working, in lieu of rent. Decreased when working, however continuing to contribute to maintenance of the home he resides in. X amount of time per week put productively into job seeking. These things keep from creating a round robin argument about weed, and put the focus on him wasting away and not being productive and moving forward in life. Over time, if weed interferes with him following through with your expectations, it becomes easier to point the obvious out to him. That smoking weed daily is his crutch to fail to thrive as an adult and this is unacceptable and won't continue. Therefore here is your move out date in writing. Do with it what you will. Just know it will be enforced. Should you opt to become a productive and contribution adult member of the home before the deadline, I may be open to renegotiating your living here. Don't count on it though as there is no guarantee that it will be an option for me.

[MidwestMom]

Sounds like more than weed to me too. One drug test isn't enough plus some drugs don't show up on drug tests. Weed doesn't normally cause agitation. I thought my daughter was only smoking weed to. The joke was on me! I'd search his room when he's not home.

[princess]

Hi-My son tells me that all he smokes is weed too I think everyday-I am not sure that is all he uses -he sometimes gets angry if you just say one thing to him that he does not want to hear -he just started his second year of college has been a B student so far and works a part time job at the college and at a friend's restaurant-he has been arrested last year for smoking weed and got fines and community service and ARD. He has to pay for his cell phone bill car insurance and payments for the fines and lawyers we hired for the drug arrest. My husband told him he has to follow rules in our home and pay money for the listed things if he does not do this or continue to do well in school he has to leave our home. He has been better the last few weeks but I don't trust him sad to say.....this past weekend one of his "friends" was arrested for selling pot and other drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Zardo]

Hello - Your story is familiar - about 2 years ago - our son was totally caught up in pot and was non-functioning at school and very angry and defiant at home. There is a difference between a teen that casually smokes pot at parties, etc and a substance abuser who is using pot as their chosen substance to escape reality. With the latter, yes the pot use is to such a degree that it affects everything else. Weather it's the pot or the obsession, I'm not sure...but we have been there. For us, our son was almost 15 at the time, so our path included a 3 month stay in wilderness, LOTS of therapy, boarding school and IOP programs. Today, mine is back home going to school, working about 20 hours per week and doing well. He was in IOP for about a year and I credit the group therapy in that model with helping him get through the worst of his issues. For you, your son is older and the burden of his use should fall more on HIS shoulders. Matt's Mom gave you great advice...break it down for him. Draw the line as to what it will require for him to live at home and leave the rest up to him. If he cannot behave as a functioning member of the household, then he can find his own place to live. He may fall further, but one thing we all learn in helping our GFGs and listening to the SA counselors is that without falling, they will find no reason to get up. It's a hard journey, I feel for you. A book that really helped me was "Changing for Good". good luck.

[Signorina]

I am answering briefly from my phone. My son is "just" into weed. Like Zardo said- he is not a casual user. Today's pot is also stronger & more addictive than the marijuana from even 10 years ago. His behavior is very much like your son's. Like alcohol - some ppl can smoke it socially and be ok. Others have stronger reactions and/or develop an addiction. My son is in the later group. He isn't a 20 year old who smokes pot- he is a abusing it regardless of the MANY bad effects it has on his life.

[dixiegirl40]

I haven't been able to get in in a few days. Thank you for the responses. I've never truly believed weed is all he's done but that's what he says. He's pretty honest about what he does because he is very narcissistic. He feels entitled to do what he does and doesn't apologize for it. I don't want him living with his friends at this point, we're just praying for a high school diploma here. So we've basically said he can live here until May when school is over, unless he flunks or quits before. I'm not giving him any cash. He does work so he's got his own money. My mom is the biggest problem. She's an enabler and gives him whatever he wants regardless of what my husband and I say. She's not speaking to me right now because of issues with him. I've got two younger boys that have been affected so badly by his behavior. So they're my priority right now. My husband's away a lot with work so I'm alone with the kids and lately it's been insane. I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

[gottaloveem]

sending hugs dixiegirl40 (((HUGS)))