CD Versus Socio/Psychopath

[Scooby]

Someone mentioned the word socio path to me yesterday -in reference to my GFG's father -who is serving a life sentence....

I've never really thought much on that or knew much because its been 18 years since any involvement and good riddance - but... in light of whats been happening with my son for the past 5 years.... I decided to take a gander...

When I read the definitions of sociopath -it defines my GFG. When I read the definitions of Pyschopath -same thing. When I look for hope or treatment or cures... I find no encouragement whatsover.

So, I guess the only point of this is -CD, Sociopath -whatever this is - I feel like there is no hope, no treatement, no answers.

To search a word and definition like sociopath and it defines GFG impeccably -is devestating....

feeling a little unraveled... feeling hopeless. feeling like I should tell his treatment court just to take him and put him in a facility.... because he cant change... so... whats the point of all the effort of meetings, and counseling, and group, and etc...

[Ephchap]

Scooby,

Hugs to your hurting mommy heart. It's never easy to think our gfg's can't or won't change. There used to be a saying on here that went something like, "As long as there is hope, there is life". That's the way I always dealt with my gfg - I could hope and try to help bring change, but the rest was up to him.

I'd keep up with the therapy, and if he's never had one - a multi-disciplinary evaluation. Many university hospitals offer something like that, where a team can observe and evaluate over a 5 day period or so.

Again, hugs to you. I know it's so hard to see our kids suffering, especially when they don't seem to understand that they are self-sabotaging and they are the ones that need to bring about change.

Hang in there, Scooby.

Deb

[katya02]

Scooby,
I'm sorry you're hurting. {{{hugs}}} I too have a son who fits the textbook descriptions of sociopath/psychopath so well that you'd think the books were written about him. It is devastating - I spent years trying desperately to believe there was some other diagnosis that explained my son's behaviors and offered hope via meds, therapy, or some other means.

Has your son been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder? Has he had any evaluations or any other diagnoses? I take it he's involved with the legal system at the moment? How old is your son now? What are the issues that have brought you here? I'm not trying to pry, it's just that a little more information will let people offer more specific support.

[Scooby]

He is 17 -and when he was in counseling back at 12/13 the doc said he has components of aspergers, adhd, and definitely depression/anxiety. He was on meds briefly for adhd, nothing ever worked and then when the substance abuse really kicked in - any scripts were a risk for abuse so they were just eliminated altogether (by me)

As far as the legal system -He is in treatment court right now -the first week of a 2 year treatment "sentence". He resentfully goes to the stupid meetings , and goes to alternative learning 4 hours a day because he was kicked out of school for 6 months -

He's not ever recieved any solid diagnosis -not on any meds -and does not own any "problems" ...

The specifics that brought me here are as follows -he was arrested in May for possesion with intent to sell cocaine -2 felonies and 2 midemeanors- he was 16- prior to even being sentenced -he has admitted to using pot -
has been fired from 2 jobs for theft -he admits to skimming tips at one facilty and claims he was fired from the second because they learned of the first, prior crimes - stole an atv age 14, sent him away to private boarding school for 9 months -he came home and picked right back up - stole computers and misc from someone's home -then most recently the posession with intent -this time I left him in jail for several days -and thought he must finally see now... where this path will lead him...

As I indicated -while waiting for sentencing -he has used and been fired for stealing -he is clean now- for today -but I am afraid to get out of bed sometimes for what the day will bring.

I don't know if I can allow myself hope any longer.

I think, only by the Grace of God will he ever change.... and in the meantime, it feels like I'm re living life with his bio dad/psycho and socio path.

On the other hand... if I hope and believe and pray and keep working... and do not give up... then maybe.... a light bulb will go off and he will pull it together before its too late.

Tonight we spoke of him going into the service -he was very receptive when I told him -if he went into the service he was off the hook for 2 years of college. If he does NOT go into the service, I've always told him he has to do at least 2 years after high school ... so the service now seems enticing.

Im just grasping -flailing in the darkness -and every so often I feel a glimmer of light and hope. I landed here looking for other parents who are living the same challenge... just to know... how other people get out of bed every day.

[katya02]

Your gfg's story sounds very familiar. There are many on this board who are living/have lived these challenges, and there are some happy endings too! I think that the key to getting out of bed is in NOT giving up hope, but at the same time understanding what we can control and what we cannot, what is our responsibility and what rests with someone else. We all love and hope and pray for our gfgs and at the same time have to accept where our sphere of influence begins and ends. We can pray for success and good things in our gfgs' lives, but the choice to make these things happen is not ours. It belongs to our kids.

Sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids is to let them experience the natural consequences of their actions. We've loved them, taught them right from wrong, and encouraged them ... then we have to step back and let them make their choices. Our dreams and wishes for them are just that - OURS - but their dreams and wishes may be different.

Paradoxically, the best way to help your son is to help yourself. It isn't really a paradox. You need to be healthy, to stay connected with others through work, activities, friendships etc. Interacting with others and taking time for relaxation and enjoyment keeps your perspective. Talking with people on boards like this, or at a support meeting like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or Parents Anon gives you objective feedback and encouragement about your situation.

Since your son has admitted to using pot, he's probably used or using much more. That's pretty typical. I assume his treatment program is an outpatient rehab? He'll get good information there even if he isn't inclined to use it at this point; you also need to get information and help from a similar group. That's where Nar-Anon etc. comes in. You'll get information about drug use and addiction, about the typical behaviors and progression of events, and about how to help yourself. Please look for a local group and give it a try. I have found it tremendously helpful.

The other issue is to make sure you keep yourself physically safe. Does your gfg threaten you to get money or things to sell? Does he steal from you? Given his history of theft from others, you'll want to think about boundaries at home. Keep your things safe and decide on house rules and consequences. If you feel unsafe in a situation with him, i.e. if he's raging and threatening you or if you catch him stealing from you, call the police and let them deal with it. These are the natural consequences for breaking the law.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I understand the pain of coming to grips with a situation that probably won't get better soon. Others here understand and have been through this also. I'm glad you're reaching out here and hope you'll find an Al-Anon/Nar-Anon meeting locally for more support. {{hugs}}

It would be helpful to other board members if you put together a signature similar to the one below my posts. It lets people know the basics of your situation and family structure at a glance.