Could I get feedback on court orders?

[exhausted]

I would love your feedback on these court recommends. I plan to listen first to what they have and can recommend-but want to be prepared as well.

Court Recommendations

Drug testing (frequency?)
Attend weekly therapy and comply with assignments and recommendations as per the therapist. To be reported as progress or no progress to the court.
Comply with house boundaries and accept consequences for noncompliance.
1. No drug use
2. Curfew is 10:00 pm on weekdays and 12:00 on weekends with parental approval
3. Keep bedroom clean
4. Complete household chores
5. The use of profane and disrespectful language towards parents is boundary breaking.
6. Social networking sights must not have people that are unknown to your parents.
7. Stay out of brother’s bedroom, family wallets and purses.
No contact with felons, and gang members. Contact is defined as: letter writing, social networking, telephone, texting, email, and face to face meetings.
No running from home or overnight stays with friends.
Attend vocational training or community college making progress as determined by case worker or by getting passing grades.
Take medications as prescribed by the doctor and or psychiatrist.
Attend a twelve step meeting at least weekly.

[AmericanGirl]

Exhausted,

Please know my comments below are just tryig to look for the loopholes as that's what gfgs do. Hope it helps!

<No drug use> Is alcohol okay?
<Keep bedroom clean. Complete household chores> Sober House has a list of chores. Very specific. Maybe think about changing it to c"omply daily with posted list of chores."
<The use of profane and disrespectful language towards parents is boundary breaking.> No need to defend what you are asking. "o profane or disrespectful language."
<Social networking sights must not have people that are unknown to your parents.> I'd tighten my wording here. Maybe says cannot interact with people...
<No contact with felons, and gang members. Contact is defined as: letter writing, social networking, telephone, texting, email, and face to face meetings.> Skype? etc?
<Attend vocational training or community college making progress as determined by case worker or by getting passing grades.> if case workers isn't happy but gfg has passing grades, what happens?

<Attend a twelve step meeting at least weekly.> Just curious...why weekly? What about getting a sponsor?

[exhausted]

Ag,
Thank you so much-all good changes to make.

[exhausted]

We actually got a letter from JJc for precourt hearing to decide what was in the best interest of gfg. We have never had this before because the last time we took her to court ourselves to get RTC help-we had to give temporary custody to JJC. This time she took her brother's car and totalled it clear back in March-just Saturday got the court date. She will be 18 end of Sep. So I don't know. Honestly this judge is not good. He does not understand mental illness at all and is insulting to parents. I usually take the NAMI rep. with me. He is not someone most proffessionals like dealing with. We had a really good JJC worker before-but I don't know if she will be on the case or not-they usually try to keep same judge and worker.

In the end-gfg has been an even bigger butt head when she goes down the roller coaster ride than before. She has also made progress in baby steps-this is the case with BPD. We will have years of work. She does deserve to spend some time in jail-yet, I know it won't make a hill of beans difference with her-she says it will be easier than the emotional work in an RTC.(Not even a possibility at this point). Also I resent that we will have to pay for her time in jail. I don't want her coming home without court orders as she did last August. So who knows? I want to be prepared.

[92025]

I hope i get some court orders like that when gfg goes; that seems like it would be helpful/

[Dammit Janet]

Sounds about like what Cory got when he got his probation orders back when he was a teen....back at 14 though we didnt have a computer so all the stuff about computers and phones werent in there. It was no skipping school, making passing grades, no more contact with the law.

[Nancy]

Are these your rules that you want the court to order? The court will probably not get that detailed because they can't be in the business of enforcing them. Like klmno said, you would be lucky if they gave them to the PO officer and just ordered gfg to follow the rules set down by his po and parents. In my experience anytime gfg had to go to couert and the court released her to our care they told her she had to follow all rules set down by us, then when she reappeard he asked us if she did.

It may be different in your state but in ours the court either puts them in juvie or lets the parents handle it with a PO for assistance.

Nancy

[DDD]

The list sounds reasonable to me. Sometimes, I think, the goals of probation miss the mark for individual GFG's. I have known parents who were allowed input to include every possible chore, behavior, responsibility they could dream of for a PC. Although it makes sense to use the Family as a brainstorming group (no doubt this is a lifesaving family) I think each parent has to analyze what has to be included for safety and survival, but also what additional guidelines are realistically possible for their specific GFG.

Hmmm....I seem a bit rambling this morning. What I'm trying to say is that most GFG's know they are GFG's even if they act like they believe they are awesome. Being "in the system" reenforces that they are not good. SO, lol, my opinion is that Probation rules should stress avoidance of unlawful behaviors and then include only rules that have to be there for the sake of family survival. If too many "chores" are listed the chances of failure increases and your GFG could go to jail for not emptying the dishwasher or forgetting to take out the trash. Sounds silly but I am serious. The PO evaluation "has GFG met this goal" isn't weighed it is yes or not. So if a GFG snorts coke or doesn't clean his room...they are both violations that could bring on the cuffs. Most of us know that "baby steps" are to be valued so think carefully about your input. Hugs. DDD

[exhausted]

Thank you again everybody. Nancy-I have no idea what will happen. Gfg has only been to court because we wanted help and our sole purpose was to get her to RTC. So yes it will probably be jail or PO. If PO I just want some things that make our life bearable and get her going toward improvement. She can't continue to sit around here and run (one week gone as of today).

9-I hope you get what you need -at 14 this will ave greater impact for you and gfg
Janet-thanks -I was hoping I wasn't too far off the mark
DD-I get what you are saying and good point about be careful what you ask for. I don't give a toot about chores in honesty at this pointbut ...I really wonder if she is mentally capable of anything right now that is functional life

I'll explain...
Last night she finially called because I got worried that she would not be home in time for court next Thurs. and I told her she did have court on FB-we had not told her since she was on the run. She fully intends to stay "lost". She went into a borderline episode with extreme emotional disregulation, a hopeless cyclical conversation that we have been through many times. They feel like psychotic breaks in honesty and scare the heck out of you until you know what they are. They usually contain some sort of suicidal ideation. This is the first one in a very long time (which is why I feel like progress has been made). "Nothing works or helps, I am so fat and ugly and nobody notices me, I am only happy when I have sex or smoke mj so why fight it? You just don't get the pain. I am never going to fix and you just cant expect that. And on and on for half an hour-I listened and validated what I could. In the end she was not fully down but she said she might be out of state or around the corner and she had no reason to come home. She had not wore out her welcome-but she would never have called me unless this was about to happen. Noone is going to keep her and feed her forever. She said she was safe and wasn't relapsing (don't believe it) but she was sure going to try to find pot as soon as possible. It was absolutely insane. So how do I expect she is even going to be able to attend school? To work-all this has put her off the edge. She has to get stable first as per her therapist. It is just hell to know what to ask for. So thanks for making me think everyone. Tears... I just have tears...

[pinevalley]

Exhausted: My heart goes out to you. It sounds like your gfg is not stable right now, and that must be so scary for you and your h. I really hope that your gfg will decide to show up for court next
Thursday. I am sending you prayers and wishes for strength in the days ahead with your gfg. (((HUGS)))