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Thread: My daughter's abuser's fiance works at DT

  1. #1
    Wise Warrior exhausted's Avatar
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    My daughter's abuser's fiance works at DT

    Dear God can it never just be simple. We went to take meds into DT for gfg. We got to see her for a few minutes. She looked tweaked-had that PTSD look to her. She had a rash up her arms and was fidgety. Her cousin (the perpetrator, abuser, sick pedophile) is getting married in a few weeks. His fiancé' is a worker at DT!!!!

    Gfg actually told his fiancé! Mind you we have never disclosed to the family. At first the investigator asked us not to. He wanted the element of surprise. When they never prosecuted or even talked to him, we did not disclose because gfg did not want us to. I don't know what to do-this is not good. I am glad she told (I hate the secret and what about any future children they have?), but I don’t know about gfg having to see her every day. It is a giant bomb to have laid on you 2 weeks before your wedding and, how will she react and treat gfg?
    Me- mom and teacher- 6th grade, Jr. High anf High School choir
    DH of 27 years
    PC-25 year old son-ADHD but no meds since high school, super hard worker
    GFG-18 year old daughter, PTSD, borderline personality disorder traits,many varied diagnosis and medication trials over 4 years,
    takes levothyroxine for thyroid, acne meds., trazadone to sleep. Over 2 years of RTC treatment and juvenile court involvement

  2. #2
    TeDo
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    Re: My daughter's abuser's fiance works at DT

    Oh, I can just imagine what gfg is going through!! I know how I felt all the times I ran into my sons' abuser and what she's feeling is at leasts 10 times worse. I am so sorry! How long is she there for? Is there any way to talk to whoever runs the place or the PO or the judge or someone?? Something like this could send her over the edge if she doesn't have support there and help dealing with it. My heart breaks for her and for you.

  3. #3
    AmericanGirl
    Guest

    Re: My daughter's abuser's fiance works at DT

    Geez....i am floored. Just awful....so sorry. Sending you hugs...

  4. #4
    Warrior Parent pasajes4's Avatar
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    Re: My daughter's abuser's fiance works at DT

    Hugs and prayers ........Maybe by speaking out and not having the burden of the secret she will be able to start to heal.......just a wishful thought.
    Me: Retired spec ed. teacher, divorced mother of 3

    Pc#1: 34 married 2 kids, teaches and my lifeline

    PC/former GFG #2: 32 did not learn to read until 18, struggled, just graduated and is an RN, 1 child

    GFG #3: 15, borderline mr, bipolar, depression, generalized anxiety disorder, never stable on any of the meds., 15 hospitalizations

  5. #5
    Message Board Maniac Signorina's Avatar
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    My daughter's abuser's fiance works at DT

    Oh honey--I am aching for you. I pray that it will work out and they won't be in contact.

    I don't know the backstory of the abuse-was her abuser charged? If so, can you get a TRO against the fiancée? (given the unusual circumstances)

    {{{hugs}}}
    Me: 45, Trying to parent & love unconditionally w out enabling. Attached detachment? Both hopeful & jaded, sigh. Happily married since 1990!
    DH-48:great dad-love of my life
    GFG-son 20 pothead+college dropout. Moved out in fury after we asked him to stay home & get help. Stubbornly stayed in college town apartment for almost 2 years. Estrangement thawed moved back home 1/2013; so far so good, but will it last?
    PC18 son: great kid, thriving college freshman!
    PC15 son: a delight, gawky HS Soph

  6. #6
    Wise Warrior Calamity Jane's Avatar
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    Re: My daughter's abuser's fiance works at DT

    Your judge was somewhat sympathetic. Perhaps you could somehow get the word to him about abuser's fiancee working where gfg is being detained. My Lord, will this ever stop? I'm concerned this is going to cause gfg to spiral, poor kid.
    I wonder if gfg is being taken seriously by fiancee, or does fiancee think it's just a lie and a ploy for attention? Why wasn't cousin ever questioned?
    Me: 50+
    DH: 50+ Best guy in world. Married 30 yrs.
    GFG: DS, 19, adopted as toddler, SA issues, in 2nd yr. college in another state.
    PC: DD, 22, adopted at birth, wonderful, joyful, college grad 2012.

  7. #7
    Moderator DDD's Avatar
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    Re: My daughter's abuser's fiance works at DT

    Good Grief. Sending hugs. DDD
    DH & I have raised our 25 yr.old grandson. At 14 he turned to pot & booze to cope with problems. He's a GFG#1. In 2005 he fell off a balcony, had brain surgery and has TBI effects. His recovery is very stressful. Time will tell if he ends up GFG or PC. Our GFG#2 is 21 and now lives with his GFGmom. He's ADHD, AS, BP plus. DH and I have 6 children and 11 grands. Yikes!

  8. #8
    Moderator recoveringenabler's Avatar
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    Re: My daughter's abuser's fiance works at DT

    OMG, I am so sorry. Sending prayers...............Hugs too...............CJ has a good idea, can you bring this to someone's attention, it seems there has to be a police record somewhere of the abuse, so you should have some proof. Geez.
    Me- 63 year old healthy optimist
    SO- gentle, funny, loving fiancee, who is my best friend and greatest support
    GFG- 40 year old bio daughter, not diagnosed but fits numerous mental illness'
    We're raising our 17 year old granddaughter who is a joyful PC




    "There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein.


    Excellent article on detachment:
    http://www.conductdisorders.com/foru...achment-53639/




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