My text convo with gfg today

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

I checked my sons balance at publix this morning and he still had $34 on his card which surprised me actually.... made me wonder about his commplaining about not having enough since that last bit lasted a while. So I decided to wait before I add any more....and dh and I decided we would reduce his grocery allowance to $50 a week. So what if that is not enough to eat and buy cigarettes. We have ot get tougher and I really think he needs to work hard at recovery and clearly he has not been.

So he texted me today and this was our convo:

Gfg: Did you add to the publix card?
Me: I checked this morning and you still had money on it. We are going to cut the amt to $50 a week but I haven't added it yet.
Gfg:Yeah not going to make it on that
Me: Well you will have to figure out how to...other people do. You still had $30 as of this morning.
Gfg: Eh other people dont get three meals a day for less than 10 bucks
Me: Well I have been told you should be able to do it on 50
GFg: You always believe what your told
Me: Well I have certainly believed you too often!
Gfg:Maybe in regards to whether I took s*** from your purse or if I was smoking weed at the house. But grocerys is kind of a different area
Me: Its hard for me to know when to believe you because you have lied so much so often and so easily...I think if you shop carefully you can do it on 50 a week and it is time you start contributing financially.

Now he has not acknowledge he relapsed... I figured he would then tell me he cant get a job while he is in the current sober house (true) but he did not respond. I am getting from the current book I am reading that I don't want to critisize or try to make him feel guilty but truth is truth... and I can't believe a word he says because of his long history of lying to us. He needs to know that. I am done being fooled.

And lets face $50 is enough to get food for a week.... but probably not food and cigarettes so he may need to choose between eating and smoking. Tough luck.

TL

[Signorina]

grrrrrr at gfg and {hugs} to you

[Kathy813]

We spend $50 a week on our GFG's cigarettes and food. She has a choice how to split the money. She usually spends $35 on food and the other $15 on cigarettes. We told her choice is to eat more and smoke less or vice versa.

She really hasn't complained that it is not enough and hasn't lost any weight so I think she has enough to eat.

You can tell your GFG that $35 buys lots of ramen noodles.

~Kathy

[toughlovin]

Probably buys a lot of macncheese too!!!

[DDD]

That amount is what the gov't gives to a single person for food stamps..actually $200 a month. It's doable but doesn't cover paper products etc. He won't starve but will have to be careful. DDD

[buddy]

UMMM I feed Q and myself on about that much...and he is eating like a horse. Yes, it is true if you buy already prepared food and do not make anything like p b and j ever, I guess it could be hard... the cigs he can do himself period, or quit.

Yeah, it is doable. he is so blessed to be getting any money for food like that. What do they do if they dont have parents to help? do they get food stamps? Can he apply for that?

[Nancy]

Ugh I will be so angry if he is using you for grocery money and runs as soon as he gets the chance. I probably shouldn't say that TL but he treats you badly then relapsed and doesn't even have the decency to tell you, but calls you for money and has the nerve to be ungrateful about it. I am angry for you. I know you don't want to rock the boat, so I'll be outraged for you.

Nancy

[DaisyFace]

$50 a week for groceries is more than enough for a single person....especially if he uses it to actually buy food.

$50 a week is NOT enough to buy food AND alcohol, cigarrettes, fast food, junk food, etc.

Sounds like the right amount to put on the card to me!

[toughlovin]

LOL Nancy. Thanks yes you be angry for me. To be honest I am beyond being angry. I am reading that book Changing Lives (not far in it yet) so I am just seeing his behavior as part of being a drug addict. I am actually kind of amused... I mean he says "Do you believe everything you are told??".....LOL yeah thats part of my problem I believed you too much!!! Guess that line of his didn't work on me. LOL.

I really feel like I am making a shift to a different place. Of course it comes and goes.... but honestly i had a good day today. He is going to do what he is going to do and if he never really gets in recovery that is his choice. I really can't do any more than I have already done. One thing I realized this weekend is that for whatever reason he needs some serious space from me...... I think I bring out his guilt, his remorse, his self loathing and he can't handle it. I don't think it is something I am doing as much as his own feelings about himself. BUT I am thinking now that he needs space from me to figure it out. So I am giving him as much space as I can. I am learning to detach.

TL

[Nancy]

Did you mean Everything Changes or is that another book I need to get?

I'm proud of you.

Nancy