New here, w/ 16 yr old GFG

[maril]

Will he become a sober living teen based on 60 days at a facility he does not want to go to? Probably not. Your family, however, will benefit from the lack of chaos. You will have time to keep researching options that you are comfortable with. Right now you are in turmoil (yes, we have all lived in fear for our child..and some in fear of their child) and the best choices can not be made when stress is
controlling your life.

Agree that if he would be in a facility, your family will have a chance to research options and think more clearly without the chaos.

I understand how devastating it is to hear talk of suicide, as my son had threatened the same over a period of time. If it helps, we did find that prior to admission and then once he was safely in alcohol and drug inpatient treatment, backup from involved professionals helped us to deal with that fear.

It is at the very least frightening to deal with all of this on your own and it sounds like you are a prisoner in your own home; a terrible way to live, I know.

I also agree with the comments about treating the substance abuse problem first. My son has recently fallen back to using and can't continue with Abilify if he continues to use (booze and Abilify don't mix); practitioner suggests he go back into D&A treatment. We'll see what happens.

Good luck to you.

[helpme]

I'm reading and crying for all of you.
Thank you all for telling your stories, it does help so many more
people than you realize. You ladies are warriors alright, simply
amazing. Hugs and support and luck to all of you, and to all of
those affected by these kids behaviors (siblings and so forth).

[susiestar]

welcome. The first thing I want to say is that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. As parents we often try to figure out what we did to cause our children to turn to drugs, to do so many things that hurt themselves and us. There is no real why. It is NOT b/c something you said or did. Let that guilt and false responsibility go, you have more than enough to deal with w/o that.

Second - go find an AlAnon or NarcAnon meeting. Go to a meeting in the next few days. You will be surprised. You can look online for them or in the phone book. One of our AA/AlAnon chapters is listed in the phone book. It may also be listed in yours. Alcohol goes hand in hand with drugs, so either meeting is appropriate. Both use the same 12 steps, and those steps work if you work them.

I look at sub abuse from a different position than most here. My bro is a recovering alcoholic. He started drinking very early and then drugs came into the picture. I can guarantee that your dau has seen a LOT more than you know, and knows a lot that you don't. Likely he has threatened to hurt you, her, or himself if she tells. Get her into counseling. ASAP

You may also want to look through HER room It is quite common to hide stuff in a pc sib's room b/c that room prob won't be searched by parents. Pc (perfect child - not the one who brought you here) may or may not know what is hidden there. If she finds something and investigates she could be hurt badly.

You cannot make your son change. You can send him for treatment and it may be just what he needs. But it MUST be his decision to change. He threatens suicide if you send him to RTC or wherever. This is yet another signal that he needs professional supervision. Once he is in RTC they can monitor him 24/ or however much is needed. This is a very common threat (suicide) and most facilities are able to handle it. Personally I would be more comfortable having my gfg in a facility if he was threatening suicide rather than at home where I cannot really monitor him all the time.

If you use a transport service they will also be able to handle this.

It is important to call the police when he breaks the law. When you find drugs, alcohol, pipes, bongs, etc... call the police to have them dispose of them. Sooner or later the natural consequences of his actions will catch up to him.

I am so sorry. This is just a horrible thing to have to deal with. Remember that he simply CANNOT be trusted with anything at all. Provide just the basics until he earns more with good behavior.

Make sure you concentrate on your dau through this. It is easy to get slurped into thinking/worrying about gfg every waking minute. Let him worry about himself.

Many gentle hugs,

Susie