One step forward but I wanna smack gfg in the head

[AmericanGirl]

Gfg signed the release.

Likely coming back next weekend and then starting partial hospitalization. Asked if we could go get his license back. I asked if he planned on driving to see anyone he used with...oh yes...two...call them H and J.

I say no way. He says I just wanna go see H for 5 minutes. I'll meet him at the gas station near his trailer. Later he says H is letting a murderer live with him and how he talked to H from rehab...H wants to go to Celebrate Recovery with him, and how H may die without help. (cue violins)

We agreed 5 minutes. Gas station. Period. And if H wants to go to CR, it won't be in a car I own.

J is an alcoholic where gfg used a lot.

Asked gfg to seek his counselors opinion on this. You know I'll talk to him about it myself. In fact, I am going to ask that we set up house rules with their mediation before gfg is released.

The highlight of our talk....

Gfg...i just wanna make my own decisions.

Me....trouble is, I have to write the checks. When you write your own checks, then I'll stay quiet.

[recoveringenabler]

"The highlight of our talk....

Gfg...i just wanna make my own decisions.

Me....trouble is, I have to write the checks. When you write your own checks, then I'll stay quiet."

Way to go Mom!

[Calamity Jane]

The alcohol and/or the drugs can be removed, but the con artist aspect of their personality is always the last to go.

[Signorina]

Oh AG;

"I just want to make my own decisions" makes my stomach drop.

I am sorry if I am pessimistic.

My gfg has said that to me 100x100 times. Its his mantra. All of this is my fault because I don't let him make his own decisions/I want to run his life. Deflection, once again.

Trust me, if I ran his life - heck if I had the ability to make even 1 decision for him; his life it would be very different from the life he is leading!

On a positive side, I wonder if your son's sober thinking & positive experience being sober makes him want to spread the sobriety to his friends.

Stay strong, dear friend

[Kathy813]

No, no, no! If he truly wants to stay sober he needs to make a break with all of the old druggie/alcoholic friends. This is not a good sign in my opinion. I would not agree to even a 5 minute meeting. It only takes 5 minutes to get drugs.

Sorry. I wish I could be more optimistic for you. I think you had a great response about him making his own decisions, though.

~Kathy

[Nancy]

You can't spread sobriety until you have been sober and living the program for a very long time. You can't even be a sponsor until you have had at least one year sobriety and even that is not suggested. His saying he wants to make his own decisions means he wants to do what he wants with no interference from you. My gfg used the excuse of helping someone else so many times it made me sick. And yet she didn't even have a sponsor to help her because as we found out later she wasn't living a sober life and she was keeping those old connections and using the helping story as a cover.

Nancy

[AmericanGirl]

Just talked with the family counselor over there. He suggested we meet Monday to discuss what will happen after gfg's release. He agrees gfg shouldn't go see people he once used with.

I forgot to post this part last night but remembered to share with counselor....the kid H gfg wants to go see....gfg told me last night that he is living with a murderer.

Counselor said that gfg's individual counselor says he is working the assignments well, etc. He didn't sound very encouraging for gfg's prognosis.

[Calamity Jane]

Self restraint and self discipline aren't usually character traits associated with gfgs. How in the world can anyone, knowing how difficult sobriety is going to be on a day-to-day basis for the rest of their lives, make it a priority to stop off and see druggie friends, particularly one who lives with a murderer? Huh? Why is that murderer not in jail for crying out loud? You know, I'm more convinced than ever that without a pattern of constantly exercised willpower that has been developed over time, leading to a small succession of positive accomplishments, our kids just don't have the tools in their toolbox to realistically navigate the temptations of the real world. Instead of making a pattern of decisions to do the hard work, stick to it, etc., they lower the bar to avoid any lack of momentary pleasure. It is a curse for everyone: themselves, their family, even society. I'm beginning to really understand why detachment is the only option if we want to keep our sanity.

[pinevalley]

AG: I can totally understand your frustration at your gfg's twisted way of thinking. It sounds like he is free of the drugs now, but he still has a long way to go in his recovery. Your gfg sounds so much like my gfg that it is scary. My son used to scream at me when he wasn't getting his way, saying "His life would be so much better if I just stayed out of it, and he made all the decisions." He thought that just because he was 18 years old and legally an adult that h and I should let him do whatever he wanted. I couldn't believe that gfg was actually demanding to make his own decisions, while also lying, stealing, and using drugs every day. 18 years old was the magic age for our gfg, because he really thought that he was entitled to live his life the way he wanted it just because he was now supposed to be an adult.

Good luck with the discharge plan and setting boundaries for your gfg. I will send you virtual strength for the days ahead. Stay strong...

[buddy]

such a hard job you have, just want you to know I am thinking of you and hope his release goes well.