Sobering and worrying thoughts

[pinevalley]

I think that it is only natural for us to be jealous of all those stories about perfect, happy families. It is so true that we have to lead parallel lives, because we have to keep living our lives while also dealing with the pain and worry of these kids that we love. I have not told many friends about my gfg and his drug problems, and so I feel like I am living a lie when people ask me about his graduation and college choices. I have gotten very good at giving non-answers, like we have no idea what is happening in the future with this kid, and then changing the subject to something else. Thank goodness I have a couple of very good friends who I can talk to about gfg, who will not judge me or criticize my parenting. And thank goodness for this community, because I don't feel like I am the only one who is dealing with a drug abuse in the family.

I am sorry for all the deaths that your gfg told you about, Tough Lovin. That really is a parent's worst nightmare...
Sending you HUGS...

[Dammit Janet]

These death stories hit us hard. I will never forget the night I got the phone call from Cory with him almost delirious on the other end of the phone telling me that I had to come get Keyana because one of his friends had just died in front of his house! It was the most awful thing I think he (and all the rest of those kids) have had to go through. Even Keyana had to see it.

This poor boy got ticked off at some girl in Cory's trailer and took off walking and someone hit him as he was walking down the side of the road. They didnt even stop. Cory found him because he figured the boy was just walking off a little steam and when he didnt come back in about 10 minutes Cory went out to find him. The boy was laying on the side of the road dead. Cory was just beside himself. I honestly thought he was going to go crazy. And Keyana was just a little thing. She kept repeating...the boy go dead in the road gamma.

They never did solve that.

[Signorina]

My husband was aghast when I said that if I knew then what I know now - I wouldn't have had kids. And yes, I have two pcs. But gfg was also a pc when at ages 17 & 14. I am supposed to be getting PC17 ready to go away to college next year and I am faking the joy. I am filled with trepidation. I thought that sending gfg away to school meant I was just about done raising him - instead I am starting all over with a stranger over whom I have no input or control. At least when he was two I could grab him before he ran into traffic. I thought I could breathe easier when my boys went away to college and instead it fills me with anxiety.

[DDD]

I can relate although nobody in the family "knows" or would understand. Had I known the path I was taking I would have become a Nun. Of course the Nuns who taught me would never have given me a referral, lol. DDD

[Tiredof33]

I can also relate, I just told hubby last night I should have stopped at one. I was told I was selfish, but the person telling me that (not hubby) has not been through what we have. My daughter knows what goes on with GFG but I don't talk to my family about it, they have told me before that 'he put you through hell' and they don't even know ALL of what he did and still does. I am just soooooooo tired of him and the chaos and the trash he brings into my life. At first I did not want to move away from my grands, now I am so glad I am not in the same town as him! I'm kind of down and weepy today, very sad that at his age he still has nothing and lies so much!

"But honestly I do not think I would be a parent in my next life especially if I had the knowledge I have now and a choice. This is just too hard and seeing other people witth less painful lives, can make me depressed and sometimes even jealous."

[toughlovin]

I sometimes wnder what it would have been like not to have gfg and darn it we worked so hard to have him in our life!!! However i am so so thankful that we have our PC daughter. She is younger and brings me lots of joy (as well as the normal, but not gfgish, snittiness that comes with being 16). I really don't know in what kind of state I would be in if gfg was my only one!!!

[rejectedmom]

DDD I wanted to be a nun when I was a kid...Until I was about Junior high school aged. Then it hit me again when my kids were grown and my DH was not being the husband I wanted him to be. I knew there were orders that allowed ex-married women in and did missionary work so I looked into it. I was too old to join at that point. I was disappointed because I seriously considered leaving DH and become one. It would have given me old age care.

Back to the serious stuff though, My mom once told me that whether you have a good kid or a not so good kid, you never ever stop worrying. So far that is true for me. I do not know why so many young people give up and commit suicide. I used to think about it whenI was young living at home under my father's tyrannical rule but my religion kept me from even taking those thoughts seriousl. I wish I did know what makes kids act on those impluses nowdays. Then maybe we could do something about it.

[exhausted]

I don't think I would have kids in the next life either. While I love both of them, my son was a handful when younger and gfg...well she is nothing but stress. I have often had to teach lessons at church about being thankful for your trials. I try so hard to be thankful. I try so hard to learn from the trials. When I teach these lessons, I usually find myself so close to tears and I have to be honest and tell them that I am not yet thankful-working on it. I'm affraid I am just not very greatful. Everyday is a big question mark. The stress of wondering what is going to happen, the stress when things go south, the stress of a good day but all the while wondering how long it will last or what the motivation for a good day might be (i.e. am I about to be manipulated?). I am not yet to the place where I can detatch enough to be truelly happy.
And yes, I worry about about those dark posts and the losses our gfgs seem to have at an epidemic pace. I never had these feelings as a youngster or all these deaths of people-I just don't relate. It is just another heavy load that this lifestyle creates for them. And suicide..it is a huge worry as gfg almost did it in RTC this past August.