Can somebody who is very religious give me insight

[DazedandConfused]

Unfortunately, if his religion/cult is anything like what my family comes from, they absolutely discourage any contact with nonbelievers, or as they call them “worldlies”. Doesn’t matter if one is family or not. And, because status within the congregation is very important, especially for the males (females have little to none), that can be greatly diminished if it is discovered that a member is associating with non-believers.

Unfortunately, I have much experience with shunning. I have a very large extended family on my Mother’s side that cut us off years ago when my Mother left that wacky group of brain washers. They also discourage having children because they believe the world is going to end any second now (I heard THAT ONE my entire childhood). I can’t tell you what that does to a kid’s head to think that god is going to butter his toast with your dead carcass because you want to be like the other kids. So, maybe it’s good they’re not having kids while in that group.

I’m sorry. Unfortunately, your story, aside from the adoption, does happen all too often. I hope your son will come out of his religious fog and realize he was raised by a loving woman that he should be honoring

[MidwestMom]

Thanks. I really do feel son is being told not to see us. This came on very suddenly. And, yes, whatever church he's involved in, I think it's very cult-like and non-inclusive. I'm sure he feels we are all a bunch of heathens. He doesn't even approve of watching television. Once my youngest said "Oh God!" in his house with K. there and she snapped, "You don't say that! It's wrong!" I have to remind myself that things like this don't just happen. There is always a reason for severe behavioral changes. My son's involvement with K. and her church made him different. He's not the nice person he used to be. It's sad...to even call this Christianity...thanks again.

[jbrain]

Hi,
my brother joined a cult when he was in college (back in about 1971 I think) and is still in it now but they and/or he has mellowed. When he first joined it he could only call my parents to ask for money--they said he should "hate" his family. My parents at first were so relieved he had found something to keep him off drugs but soon they were heartbroken since he could have no contact with them. Eventually he moved out of the U.S., married, had 4 kids, then divorced and remarried and now has a total of 11 kids I think. This was a kid who hated religion and children--he was so cynical when we were growing up!

He now comes to the U.S. every year to raise money and he sees my mom (my dad is dead)and they have a nice relationship. He doesn't talk about his religion and seems pretty normal. The cult he was/is involved with is called the Children of God and they pretty much had to get out of the U.S.--their leader was being investigated for shady stuff.

Jane

[HereWeGoAgain]

MWM, here are some generally recognized characteristics that can help you determine if your son's group is a cult:

- Charismatic/messianic leader -- members revere some individual who dictates/interprets the group's beliefs and practices

- Authoritarian structure -- rules and punishments dictated from the top

- Isolation from society -- members are told to shun contact with outside world, or it is heavily regulated/monitored

- Deceptive recruiting and fund-raising techniques

- Exploit psychologically vulnerable people

- Mind control / brainwashing techniques -- isolation, excessive study/meditation requirements, demanding tests of loyalty

- Money benefits only the leader or top echelon, not society or membership at large

Google "cult characteristics" for extensive resources.

[MidwestMom]

I have no idea if that applies to my son. He hasn't shared. I don't believe there is any ONE leader. I think it's just a very fanatical church that believes their way of interpreting the Bible is right and everyone else is dead wrong. I'm quite sure they accept my son's money. He's very well off. And I believe, with all my heart, that he is being told not to hang with the heathens, even if they are family members. But I believe he is free to come and go if he chooses, although I wouldn't be surprised if he was put under a tremendous amount of guilt. And this child was an atheist at age seventeen! I liked him better that way. He was kinder. Now he is very selfish--I don't get it. Oh, well. Thanks.

[Martie]

MWM,

I think you are correct--whatever it was that we were debating had to do with RAD. I think that abuse is required by the DSM definition...it does not matter at all. I know that you love your son very much and I hope you can find some way to have contact with him.

The information provided on cults is exactly what I know/believe...and it is very sad.

Best to you and congratulations on the expected grandchild.

Martie

[MidwestMom]

Thanks, Martie. I have no doubt that THIS adult child of mine has attachment problems. He is super-intelligent, and knows about RAD and feels he has issues too. However, he has never acted out in a typical "RAD" way, and could always bond well with his peers. Maybe that's because he spent six years depending on his orphanage buddies for moral support. I have NO doubt that RAD happens to older kids! This son was always a "do the right thing" person who tried to impress people with his brains and wit and charm, but I felt a distance from him. I do believe he tried hard to bond, but never did, at least not the extent that we did to him. He is OVERLY enmeshed with his wife. Unfortunately, he is a handsome, educated, extremely well off young man (he told me he is close to being a millionaire and I believe him). His lifestyle would indicate that. There are many women who chased after him and this one caught him. I've always been suspicious of her motives, although I tried to hide it. She seems to want him all to herself.
I would LOVE to know the name of their church so I could attend a service. I have a feeling that it wouldn't be like any church I've ever gone to before. From his talk about his beliefs, they were nothing like I'd ever heard in a Christian church before. Oh, well.