GFG had his pdoc appointment and has a diagnosis - finally

[welcometowitsend]

Suz - I know how difficult it is to not feel guilty about things that happen to our children but hindsight is 20/20. You are both loving parents who wanted the best for your child and have done everything you could to the best of your ability at the time that you did it. Did you make mistakes? Absolutely, but they weren't mistakes to intentionally harm your child - either physically or emotionally. You only ever wanted to help him. If that help was sometimes misguided that only proves you are humans who make mistakes with the best of intentions.

Go easy on yourselves. You have done your best and I know that you will continue to do so - we get better as we learn from the mistakes that we make.

[SuZir]

Thank you all for your kind words. They are much appreciated. This thing really rattles foundations of my life. These kids who bullied GFG are no strangers for me, I have known them most of their life, I know their parents, many cases I know their grandparents some of their brothers and sisters are close friends of my PC. These are people we are friendly with. We meet often around neighbourhood, we have get-togehters etc. We are a tight community. And just now I have a really hard time relating to the kids who bullied GFG and even their parents.

Luckily GFG seems to be doing okay. He did tell about diagnosis to his girlfriend and she didn't get too spooked. That is a very good thing. While I don't really believe the longevity of this relationship, I do hope that GFG is more stable, when they break up. So I really much hope they stay together at least a year or more. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against GFG's gf, she seems like a nice girl and she is certainly good for him, but they are just so young and I don't really see any long term attraction between them. Of course I could be wrong, but I suspect that big part of GFG's attractiveness for this girl is him being a well-known athlete in that small town. I don't believe that she would had looked him twice, if he would had been just another engineering student (there is a big engineering college in the town...) And to be honest, I also think that when GFG matures, he may be attracted on little different type of girl than his gf. Girlfriend is a type of girl he certainly thinks he should be attracted, but when he learns to be more true to himself, that may change. GFG's gf is a type of girl I could see my PC marrying, but I have an inkling that GFG's life partner may be a little different type of person in the end. Of course I may be wrong and they may stay together rest of their lives or GFG's will end up marrying other pretty, popular, preppy and perky cheerleader type girl and PC will be the one who marries a quirky goth punk rocker with twenty safety pins on her (or his) face. Who knows?

Just now I'm happy that GFG is together with this girl, who I think is very good for him. She is very popular and social, has lots of friends and likes to spend time with them. And she takes GFG with her and her friends do include GFG to their activities. And that is something that does a world of good for GFG in so many ways. It makes it easier for him, that he is having troubles with his team mates, he doesn't need to feel alone in the town he knows few people, and he has opportunities to observe, model and train appropriate social skills. And it likely does wonders to his self-esteem that he is included. Of course he is likely to be smart enough to understand, that being a pro-athlete and some perks that come with it are part of the reason, they want to hang out with him (for example he can get them to the night clubs that don't usually accept customers as young as they are etc.) but still it is positive experience for him.

If GFG will consider therapy as an option is still very much in the air, but at least he is willing to talk it out with the psychiatric nurse and pdoc.

[InsaneCdn]

If GFG will consider therapy as an option is still very much in the air, but at least he is willing to talk it out with the psychiatric nurse and pdoc.

Does it really matter what label the professional he IS talking to, has? Because... "talking it out" IS therapy... and we had very good success with a psych nurse who was trained and experienced in dealing with "GFG" kids...

[SuZir]

Does it really matter what label the professional he IS talking to, has? Because... "talking it out" IS therapy... and we had very good success with a psych nurse who was trained and experienced in dealing with "GFG" kids...

Label of the professional certainly doesn't matter. But the goal of these talks with psych nurse is to map out his current situation and to discuss treatment options and help GFG make an informed decision of the treatment. One of the treatment options (and one that pdoc recommended) was intensive psychotherapy. Apparently there are few trauma focused therapists on the area (both EMDR therapists and some other form of trauma focused CBTs) and that would be pdocs recommendation. But intensive therapy can be very hard and stressful and GFG has to decide if he is ready and willing to start that. His other options are less intense supportive therapy or skipping therapy all together in this time. And of curse meds can be added to any of this options if needed. So the current talks with psych nurse are meant to be advisory and the treatment will be a separate part.

[SuZir]

I have been reading a lot about PTSD during the last week. I'm like that, when I encounter a problem, especially if it makes me anxious, I just have to find out all the facts, so I have spend my beautiful midsummer week reading studies and thesis about PTSD and I'm not sure if it has helped at all. Seems like really indefinite diagnosis, or maybe even more so prognosis. May do this or that or may not, this or that treatment can be tried but no real studies about efficiency of different approaches. Well it is, what it is and luckily at least right now GFG is functioning reasonable well and has motivation and resources to work with his problems. And he also has so much positive going on in his life.

Now I just have to discipline myself to keep my mouth shut and not try to dictate or advice too much about what he should be doing. I know that would backfire big time but it always feels like managing his own life is just too important thing to be left for him to do, if you know what I mean. Mommy would know soooooooo much better...