I've been reading a lot of threads and had no idea there are so many other families with similar situations as ours. I realize this is mostly a forum for parents, but it would feel nice to share my story. Or rather my brothers story. My parents have kicked him out a week ago. He has been stealing from us for the past 2 years or so.
At first he just started with taking foreign money from my parents, then he took special edition money that my dad collected and was saving for US. My parents noticed and confronted him, and at first he didn't want to admit, but he eventually did and he seemed remorseful. At the time he was 18. He kept doing it every now and then, stealing money from my mothers wallet, from my parents bedroom, from my bedroom, even from my then 7 year old little brother. So we bought new locks for our bedroom doors and were locking them all the time. Even if we just went out to the bathroom, we locked the door, it was just crazy. But he found a way to get around that too. He tried all the keys that were from other doors in the house, pantry, etc... And he was able to get in. Every Sunday when we would go to church he would never show up in the morning, and he knew he'd have a perfect 2 hour gap to do whatever he wanted without anyone dropping home on him. In April we noticed that he had taken money I've been saving in an envelope in my parents room and I told him if he does it again I will go to the police because he has now reached a point where I barely care for him, I cannot in any way say that I love him.
Last week my mother noticed that some of her jewelry was missing, the more she looked the more popped into her head that she could not find. I took his bag when he got home and searched it, but could only find the keys he used. His wallets were empty. We confronted him once again. I told him to write down everything he took with a description of how it looked like, etc. Of course at first he didn't want to, but every ten minutes I was able to squeeze one more item out of him that he took. I threatened him that for every thing that he doesn't write down I will report him. We also made him write down the address of where he took the jewelry to, and also what he spent the money he got for it on. He also wrote down jewelry of mine. My mother told him he has to leave in the morning, because this is absolutely unacceptable and we will not take it anymore. But he decided to leave right away in the middle of the night.
Next day we went to the address and found out that unfortunately it was not a pawn shop or similar, but a gold wholesaler, where they melt the stuff taken in within 2 days. So my mother was absolutely devastated, I cannot even put into words how upset and embarrassed both of my parents are. I can see that they don't want to report him to the police, because next time anything happens he will be considered as a recidivist. I honestly think he deserves it though. He has caused so much pain over the years.
My parent are well known and adored people in our town and community and it would be a great embarrassment for them if word got out about him. We do not understand how he became to be this kind of person as he was never taught these actions, was not shown these examples. As a younger child he was a very cute, easy going child. He was loved so very much, he had everything he needed. It's not as if it were lifesaving to have to steal. He still always even asked for money. But he always expected lots of it everyday and no one could have kept up with his expectations. We live in Europe but it would be 15-20 dollars that he wanted everyday to spend on food and cigarettes. That kind of money we do not have and it's not like he didn't have food to take from home... Nothing was ever enough for him. The money he stole was always spent at Mcdonalds, for food and drinks, cigarettes, new headphones, makeup for his girlfriend. I can only imagine the money he has spent at Mcdonalds.... Also we're pretty sure he doesn't do drugs, we've seen kids that do, and we never noticed it with him. He just steals for the pleasure of a big meal, that by the way he would get at home just as well.
He would also take things from our room, like my moisturizer or flashlights or hair straightener. Things that he would have no use of, they were always just stashed away in his room. Seemed like a kleptomaniac.
But also another thing. He seems very daft? sometimes. Anytime we confronted him at first he always denied but 3 minutes later he admitted. Also lately my parents 'tricked" him with very see through things, as in: we've taken the envelope in to the police and they are able to take fingerprints off of it, so we all need to go in to get our fingerprints taken. And he believed and confessed that he took the money. Also he was always a very poor student, my father was able to get him into an auto repair type of 2 year school when he finished high school. This was his first year, but he has been performing very poorly. He is very lazy, never studies a bit, he absolutely doesn't care about anything. He is very aggressive with me, I got to the point where I didn't even say hi to him. My little brother used to adore him when he was even younger, but now even he avoids him too. Also the little one understands jokes and hints and sorts right away, while he still doesn't understand now as a 20 year old. When we get into an argument about anything with him, it seems as if he doesn't even understand what we're saying, he keeps repeating the same sentence over and over again, and in an arrogant, dominant loud tone. He lies about basically everything, but then always gets all tangled up in the lies, and can't answer cross questions. Would this be some kind of disorder? I'm not at home, and I've been reading posts about borderline disorder, etc, but I'm not quite sure.
Excuse me for writing such a long post, but there are so many details that I haven't even covered....