I just had to say it. Sort of out loud. To someone other than my husband and my mother.
She's posting ads on Craigslist and the like.
She drinks, she smokes weed. She lies. She does weird things that make me wonder if she's psychotic.
Most of all, she breaks my heart.
I enjoy life, for the most part. But I don't live it the way (I think) I should be. I can't lose weight or take care of myself. I indulge too much (sweets, food, alcohol). My marriage suffers.
The REAL important things I have.
The others (money, support, mental health)... I don't.
I feel like I'm going along, coping as good as possible - and then BAM. Something hits with her.
My parents continue to enable her. They pay her rent even though I've pleaded to them within an inch of ruining our relationship to please stop. I swear I could tell my mother I was going to get divorced, dive into a bottle of alcohol and kill myself, and she'd still enable my kid. She claims ignorance and being "swindled" by her, but I really don't know. I can't even go into all of the nooks and crannies of our relationship woes, but their willingness to continue to enable her bring on some suspicions from myself and my husband. That doesn't help.
Sometimes, like 10% of the time, this is all too much for me. There are a million things for me to do (bills, work, put food on the table, try to live a normal life, comb my hair, fit in my clothes, support my family...) and in the middle of it I have a daughter who is selling herself sexually for money.
Some stuff is just to hard to unthink.
But, hey, if you're reading this and are suffering through the same thing - I just wanted you to know you are NOT ALONE. I'm suffering too. Quietly. I have no friends I can talk to. They all have their own problems and apparently I'm too good of a listener for anyone to even ask me how I really am. But honestly, where does a conversation go after you tell someone your kid is a user, abuser, lier and deceiver and oh - she's also probably given a massage with a happy ending to one of their friends?
I pray. That's all I can do.