Still detaching

[AliceLee]

Hi, I haven't posted in a week or so. I'm doing pretty well with detaching.

Let's see...

Gfg is living with abusive bf again. They are at his mother's house. Their apartment has apparently been sitting vacant because they couldn't afford to pay the electric bill. I believe they're in the process of being evicted, too.

She asked if we could keep her dog for a week or two since BF's mom doesn't like dogs much. DH and I agreed. Maybe a little enabling, but we love the dog and enjoy having her around.

She lost her job, but supposedly starts a new one on Thursday. Better hours (12-9 as opposed to 3-midnight, and no weekends), but $2/ hour less pay. She will be a bill collector (she'll probably have to call herself.)

Her car has been wrecked---front end is all torn up, but driveable. The story is that someone backed into her in a parking lot. She said they had insurance and would be covering repairs. Later, the story changed...she's just gonna let the car fall apart. Whatever.

She came by on Saturday to visit the dog. While here, she said that she and bf (who I think will continue to abuse her) were moving into a townhouse with rent about $200/month cheaper than their old place. I guess my thoughts were pretty transparent, because she said, "Why are you making such a face?" I just said that I didn't think much of her moving in with bf, but it was her life.

GFG tried to leave wearing one of PC's outfits (PC was at work). I asked whose jeans and sweater those were just before she walked out the door. She didn't answer, so I repeated my question. She responded that they were PC's. I told her to take them off and go put on her own clothes. GFG did comply, but added, "PC needs to <u>grow up</u>!" ????????

Yesterday, she called DH and asked if he would help her move into the townhouse. He was trying to see what his business has scheduled so he could use a company truck for the furniture.

When DH got off the phone, I asked him to please think about whether or not he should help her...I told him it was completely up to him, but I did feel that it would be enabling. If she wants it so badly, she can wait til she has enough money for a U-haul and figure out the moving details herself. I told DH that if he didn't want to confront GFG, he could just say that the truck is not available, and he isn't either due to his weak back (he did injure it about 10 days ago). Anyway, I'm trying not to force my opinion on DH, but I do hope he will decide not to make it easy for her to move in with someone who is not good for her.
He does agree that we won't be giving them one more cent, but I don't think he really thought about giving our time and effort to enable them.

Sorry this is so long...just need to vent.

[kris]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: AliceLee</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> She will be a bill collector (she'll probably have to call herself.)</div></div>


<span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style="color: #6600CC"> well at least you haven't lost your sense of humor lol.

sorry she's not changing.

you're right....even helping her move is enabling. hopefully dh will come to view it in that light.

kris </span> </span> </span>

[Loris]

I'm sorry she is still making the wrong decisions. Hopefully she wakes up soon. It is so hard to watch sometimes.

[hearthope]

Sorry Alice! I would have to say the truck is not available too.

I had to laugh about her calling herself! You keep your sense of humor, it will help. Sometimes we have to laugh to keep from crying.

You are all in my thoughts, wishing for the best!

[HereWeGoAgain]

This sounds so familiar, I could almost have written it myself. Why do these girls gravitate to abusers? (Just a rhetorical question.)

Hope your husband considers what you said; IMO you were absolutely correct.

[ScentofCedar]

If she is moving in with BF, why is she expecting DH to help her do something you both are against?

Maybe this time, things will work out for GFG.

I know what you mean though, about it being almost impossible not to help them.

The little stinkers!

Barbara

[AliceLee]

I am so proud of my DH! When she called back about the truck, he told her it wasn't available---told her she & BF should probably figure out another way to transport their stuff. [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/9-07bravo.gif[/img]


I, however, didn't do as great of a job as DH. Last night, PC called and said her car wouldn't start...so I was on the way out the door to pick PC up.

At this point, GFG calls and says, "Do you have any feminine products?"
I said, "Yes, Why?"
"I need some and I don't have any money."
"Ok, so what do you want me to do?"
"Send them to work with Daddy tomorrow. I don't have enough gas to drive all the way to your house to get them." (HOW WEIRD IS THIS???!!!!???)
Anyway, I was flustered about PC's car problems, and said "OK" and we hung up. DH was flabbergasted...both that she asked, and that I agreed.

[AliceLee]

Story continued..sorry, I pressed the wrong button.

Anyhow...DH did bring the "stuff" to work with him. She did show up just as he was leaving the office. She told him she had already purchased the products last night. DH did not take time to talk further with her, so that was that.

I'm guessing she had ulterior motives...get mom upset because poor little gfg can't even take care of her basic needs, then go ask daddy for money the next day. But the plan was foiled! Like I said, DH is doing a great job!!!

[TYLERFAN]

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/9-07bravo.gif[/img]
For you and DH!!!!!

I also get frantic calls for feminine supplies and phone minutes..... [img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/hypnosis.gif[/img]

Blessings,
Melissa

[ScentofCedar]

Sometimes I wonder how any of us lives through this.

I am so sorry this is happening to you, Alice Lee.

It has got to be breaking your heart.

The only thing I would add to what the others have said is to tailor yourself a short message. (Mine for GFG is "Don't use drugs." I say it to him everytime I talk to him, as many times as I can. And no, it doesn't always fit into the conversation!)

Whatever you think is the root cause of what is happening to your girl, compose your message around that and tell it to her every single time you talk to or see her.

None of us expected that it would ever come to where it did with our kids, Alice Lee.

You did just fine.

There is not a mother here who would not have sent those products, or a father who would not have taken them to work for his daughter.

How does that old saying go?

Something about using tampons with impunity but staying away from abusive males and drugs...?

Or did I get that wrong?

[img]/forums/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/rofl.gif[/img]

Barbara