Whats normal for contact

[CrazyinVA]

It really depends on the child. I talk to Youngest almost every day. I talk to Oldest maybe once a week. It also depends on what's going on in their lives at the moment, as to how often they want to talk to me. With Oldest, since we tend to talk less frequently, I will usually shoot her a text or email if I haven't heard from her in a week or so, just to check in and see how she's doing. Sometimes I'll invite her to a movie or out to eat (my treat), if we haven't seen each other in person in awhile.

[toughlovin]

Thanks for all your responses... I am going to hold off for a while. I did hear from his therapist today which of course helps. It sounds like he is doing well, is making plans and getting used to the idea that he is going to have to use public transportation.

I remind myself that when he was in jail he called us a lot. No one else to call and boredom I think. Now he is doing well and his not calling is probably a sign he does not need us which is a good thing actually.

I think it is going to take time to work our relationship out and a bit part of that is him feeling independent and successful. So I just need to wait and somehow get more comfortable doing so.

[MidwestMom]

I think girls check in a lot more than boys. That is my experience anyways.

[Nancy]

When gfg was in rehab we heard from her only a handful of times and it was always to ask us to bring her something. If she moved out I suspect we would never hear from her again, or only when she needed something. On the other hand when pc was out of state student teaching we talked every day either by phone, text or chat. Even when she stays a few days at her bf's we talk every day.

Nancy

[toughlovin]

I agree boys and girls are different... i can imagine that my daughter might not call me every day but I suspect she will keep in pretty regular contact when she is out of the house....

At the same time I did hear from my son this morning and he even wrote me an email from his therapists email because we tend to communicate better via mail than by phone. So maybe i just need to let him keep initiating contact and trust that when he needs something he will.... he doesn't go for much more than a week without needing something. LOL.

He does seem to be doing well and seems to have a good plan for what happens after he is discharged from rehab... a half way house down there, AA meetings - he is talking 90 meetings in 90 days and getting a sponser etc, getting a job. I am feeling really hopeful right now.

[Nancy]

90 in 90 is what rehab centers drum into their heads. I hope he does it. Our gfg only made 30. But since he's down there away from home and in a sober home he may actually complete the 90.

Nancy

[toughlovin]

I hope he does. He is still pushing for a car because it is hard to get around by bus, but it does sound doable. I think long term he is probably right he needs a car..... but I really want him to get that job, look at his finances, and fight for his recovery first. Let him spend a month having to take the bus everywhere and get a job and show he is really following through..... and then we might lend him the money..... A part of me also wants to make it easy on him so he actually does it but I think that is the mistake we have always made. I think maybe if he has to really work at and do whatever it takes for recovery it might mean more to him. I don't know. He did tell me today that he knows if he relapses it means time in jail and so I do think he has this extra motivation that may help. We shall see.

[Dammit Janet]

I also agree that girls probably do keep in contact more than boys though I dont have girls. I kept in closer contact with my mother when she was alive than I did my dad much to my chagrin. This was even when I didnt have a home phone. I would have a pre-paid phone card and I would call her probably twice a week and my dad twice a month. Well...in the beginning I lived very close to my mom so I didnt have to call her...we just saw each other so it was calling my dad once or twice a month. Later on it was calling my mom once or twice a week and my dad once or twice a month.

As things got busier, my mom would call me at work and talk to me a couple of times a week and I would call my dad a least once a month and on holiday's. That was basically the practice most of my life unless I just got a wild hair to call him more often. In the last couple of years I called more often.