9 Year Old Son just diagnosed with Odd

[TeDo]

Am I correct in assuming that a paediatrist is similar to an American pediatrician? A medical doctor that specializes in kids? If that is the case, you REALLY need to find a neuropsychologist or at the very least a child psychiatrist. A pediatrician is great for medical issues but there is no way they should be diagnosing much less treating mental health issues.

Please get the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene and try using his methods. You might be thoroughly amazed at what you learn. For me it was an eye opener. My "assumptions" about the reasons for gfg1's behaviors were 100% INCORRECT and my assumptions caused many of the problems we experienced. Please keep an open mind that maybe, just maybe he's not being defiant intentionally. That assumption could do more harm than good. Been there done that and gfg1 suffered dearly.

[InsaneCdn]

Jennifer... I'm an ADD parent, too. Also on meds. Kinda know what you mean. But my kids are now in HS, so... a bit more water under the bridge.

Your biggest tool to help with routine? Make things a HABIT. Take as many little tiny things as you can, and make them totally consistent. Laundry. Washroom cleaning. Dishes. Bedtime routine. The order in which you go through the grocery store aisles. The timing for appointments (we always take first a.m. or first p.m. appt - then I don't have to remember if it's 9:30 or 10:30... just "a.m." or "p.m.").

When it comes to a GFG, the most important "routine" items will be bedtime routine and timing, getting up in the morning, and FOOD. Make those the top priority. Then start building.

Have you seen the book "Driven to Distraction" (Halloway, I think)? It's for ADDers and ADHDers... with some really good insight and advice.

[jennifer615]

Well, I've just gone online and purchased "the explosive child". Should be getting it in a couple of days. I live in a small city of 120,000 and we don't have any neurophychologists here. The closest is in Sydney, which is 3000 kilometres away. The pediatrician I have been seeing specialises in children's behaviour problems, and I'm quite confident with her. She has put him in dexamphetamine as well as the Strattera, so he take his strattera in the morning, 1 dexamphetamine, and another dexamphetamine at lunch. He just started that today, so we will see how he goes.

He spends alot of time on the computer and on his 3DS. He doesn't make friends very easily, but doesn't seem to be motivated to do so. He has got about 2 good friends at school, and his other classmates seem to like him. The headmaster said that he thinks that he is probably the brightest child in year 4. He is particularly good at science and maths and also very good at all his other subjects, but not really into sport. I noticed he is more compliant with tough teachers, specially male teachers. His new teacher is very good, but she is young and kind and gentle, and I think he tries to manipulate her.

Thanks again everyone for your advice. It has been very very helpful. It's good to know I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel like the worse mother in the world, but its good to know that others relate to me. I've heard so many "can't you just ........", but if it was that simple, he would be under control now. Jennifer

[TerryJ2]

Jennifer, I know what you mean and how sad you are that your 16-yr-old only wants to move out because of her brother. I've gone through that. My daughter is now 21. She HATES coming home from school break.
But it is for the best. These kids need to function. Even if it costs more money for an apartment. No one ever said that life was fair, but there is no reason to have your daughter fail or even make Bs when she could be getting As, because of her brother.
Many hugs. I understand.

[jennifer615]

Well, the book "The Explosive Child" arrived yesterday and I'm starting to read it. So much I can relate to. The pediatrician changed his dose a bit, and now he is prescribed strattera and dexamphetamine. It seems toa be working somewhat. He is not as hypo as usual. I give him his usual dose 36mg strattera in the morning and 1 dexamphetamine, then 1/2 a dexamphetamine when he comes home from school. I find that if I give him 1 dexo when he comes home, he can't sleep.

I had a heart to heart with my daughter tonight. She seems to think that I push my youngest away alot. Right now I feel heartbroken. I love my youngewst with all my heart, he is so loving and has such a beautiful nature. I can see where this is true. I am so stressed with gfg that I just don't give my youngest the attention he deserves. I MUST stop being impatient with his constant talking and spend more time with him. I suppose I'm so stressed out with gfg that I sometimes neglect my beautiful 5 year old boy, who is so loving and deserves so much more. Right now I feel like a failure as a mother. It's so hard when I have ADD myself, and my mind is all over the place.

Anyway, I'll see how the new medication is going and do the best to be the best mother I can be. My children are the loves of my life, and I just want to be a good mother. Thanks for listening.

Jennifer x

[TeDo]

I hear you with the pushing the other one away. I get very impatient with gfg2 when I've spent most of my energy just dealing with gfg1. But we can only do what we CAN do with what we have. Nothing is going to change that.

As for the meds, Gfg1 always took a "booster" of his ADHD med in the early afternoon at school. The school nurse gave it to him. It helped him hold together through after school activities and homework but wore off at bedtime. I used a summer break to monkey around with the timing of that second dose and monitor (on paper) the maximum amount of time we could hold off on that second dose without it causing sleep issues OR wearing off too soon. I found that we can't wait any more that 6 hours to give that second dose. It's still working beautifully.

[InsaneCdn]

Just some ramblings...

- take care of yourself. Even if it's just a bubble-bath after the kids are sleeping, you do need something relaxing and special for yourself.

- Is there anyone who can take over GFG for an hour a day, or several hours on a weekend, and leave you with just the younger boy? That way, there is a scheduled time that is dedicated to him, and he has something to look forward to. Our almost-pc found this worked for her... she understood that GFG needed most of my resources, but needed to know that I was still there for her - even if it was "scheduled" rather than whenever she wanted, she still got the support she needed.

- are you on ADD meds yourself? If not, can you? It made a huge difference for me.

[SearchingForRainbows]

I can relate to lots of what you said. I have two (now adult) GsFG, both are Aspies and one is also bipolar. I'm not saying I think your GFG is an Aspie or bipolar, just that many of the behaviors you talk about are very familiar to me too.

I found that some of the best advice I was given was advice others mentioned here. For my family to run as smoothly as possible, we had to stick to strict daily routines. If my GsFG's routines were going to have to change because of an unavoidable situation, I let them know as soon as possible and would try to give them a temporary schedule. Even a minor change in schedule could cause a major "meltdown."

Another great piece of advice already mentioned here is to make sure you find time to take care of yourself! I know, this is much easier said then done, but, please, no matter how difficult it is to find the time, find it!! As I learned from this site, "if Mom isn't happy, no one is." I thought I could be like superwoman, do it all, without (much) help, and still function. I was able to function but did so at the expense of losing myself in the process, resenting my GsFG during the worst times, afraid, sad, embarrassed, because I thought I didn't love them (just read some of my earliest posts!), feeling guilty and ashamed because of these feelings, plowing ahead as though I was on autopilot.

As of right now, I'm happy to say that my GsFG are doing well. I have wonderful relationships with each of them that I thought at one time would never be possible, and my DH and I are reconnecting and are closer than we've been in years. I'm not the same person I was before starting this journey and I'm still in the process of discovering who I am now. I can honestly say for the first time in many, many years that I'm happy. Raising GsFG is a draining experience. Let your family/friends support you in any way they can.

Just want you to know I'm thinking of you this morning. You are not alone! Hugs... SFR

[Justfour]

Hi again Jen. Once again the parallel lives thing! Reading your last post, I'm just the same with my youngest. She is so sweet natured and loving but with what I think is aspergers (waiting for assessment) she too can be quite hard work at times so when they are both quiet or if she says can we play...? I say no usually as I'm so exhausted emotionally I haven't got the energy. It makes me feel so bad for her and leaves me feeling guilty. Sometimes I do make the effort and she does appreciate it but what I say to myself is I'm a single mum, since I split up with their father when I was pregnant with youngest I have been on my own, I'm doing the best I can with the hand I've been dealt. I know a lot of my friends wouldn't have coped with my life the way it is and I'm proud to say I do it all sober!! Lol
so chin up and know your doing your best and giving everything you can. These kids are so challenging and emotionally draining it's a wonder were sane! I think that's pretty great!
glad your getting dr. Greenes book. I've started reading it, one problem I see is he says to know the triggers and avoid them, unfortunately my youngest is a trigger to her sister. I hope that's covered in later chapters!

[Jules71]

I had a heart to heart with my daughter tonight. She seems to think that I push my youngest away alot. Right now I feel heartbroken. I love my youngewst with all my heart, he is so loving and has such a beautiful nature. I can see where this is true. I am so stressed with gfg that I just don't give my youngest the attention he deserves. I MUST stop being impatient with his constant talking and spend more time with him. I suppose I'm so stressed out with gfg that I sometimes neglect my beautiful 5 year old boy, who is so loving and deserves so much more. Right now I feel like a failure as a mother.

SBM (above snipped by me). I just wanted to say I can sooooooo relate to what you said above. My gfg son is 10 and dx'd with ADHD and ODD also. My pc son is 5. I don't really have a lot of advice but we are looking at Aspergers now as well. Take time for yourself as well as make special time for just you and your younger child. My younger son is so kind and so good hearted. He really takes a lot of abuse from gfg but is so caring and loyal to him despite how he is treated. It's such a difficult situation. Hang in there. You are definitely not alone. (Hugs)