So I've read a lot here, mostly about a year ago. Since then my GFG has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. We did family therapy, which really did help and things were going well for a long time. Recently things have been difficult again. GFG is very moody and irritable, she's been aggressive toward her siblings again, and generally difficult to deal with. I also have noticed that we haven't been at our best in our parenting, it's just so hard to keep up that level of...everything. It's just impossible to be at our proactive best all the time, month after month after month. I get tired, burnt-out, used-up. And I'm sure that this is part of, but not the whole cause of, these recent difficulties.
Anyway, what bothers me now is how I feel toward GFG lately. Just not positive, not warm. She's in this phase, and I know it would help to be more positive and to spend time with her one-on-one (when she's not acting up), but I don't want to, honestly. I'll look at her, and I know that I need to smile at her more and hug her and take time out of the day to do something positive with her but I don't want to. I feel like it's too hard and I feel almost as if it would make me too vulnerable. I feel myself distancing myself from her. And that can only make things worse. But I'm having so much trouble with it. And I feel like **** because she's only 8, how can a mother push away her 8 year old?
I love her so much. And I am so tired of being her mom. And I miss her, even though she's right here. Please tell me other people feel this way, and I'm not the worst mom in the world.