Seriously, it's like I cant help myself: one or 3 kids are misbehaving or doing something they shouldn't and here it goes, my voice is going up, up, up. I know it is NOT helping, it's actually causing more stress for everyone involved. But it's like a bad habit, even a tick!
And to be honest, except for Sweet Pea (and that's normal at her age), the boys are not being really defiant. Or at least, I almost always know wherethe problem is coming from. V needs more time to process, shorter simpler directions. But yet, I can't help getting crossed if he does not follow suit right away.
It is not rational, I know it and actually kind of hard to admit. I know part of the reason is mental exhaustion from having to watch I say and how I say it all the time. Sometime I wish things would flow more easily with V. I wish I could just answer his questions and would just get it without having to rephrase 2 or 3 times.
I NEED to change my behavior. I can control for afew hours, but than it builds up inside and at the end of the day, I explode anyway.
It is not fair to the kids or not healthy to react like that. I am not beating myself up, but I know I need to work on it.
Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like an awful mother over it. I just want to be better for everyone's sake. We've all come a long way this past year. It would make me very happy and proud to control this flaw of mine.
Any practical help or tips to achieve it? I suppose it will take practice but I need to learn where to start. Oh, and it only happens at home where I feel safe to not be perfect. In public, I always keep it together and of course if V goes into meltdown it is handle a lot better because I stay so calm and work him through it. If V has a very bad moment in public, at the most I shed a few tears. At home, I resort to raising my voice. So it probably is the way I react to an intense emotional moment. Either way, i want to work on it and I'm not sure where to start.