It's times like this that ......

[TeDo]

I just want to run away from home......permanently.

Gfg2 has been in the community theater productions for 5 years now. That's his "thing". As they were rehearsing this year's play, they realized that it would look better if there was a REAL person playing the dead body. Gfg2 asked gfg1 if he wanted to and gfg1 was so excited, we normally have separate activities because of the competition and "territory" factors. Gfg2 has tried some of gfg1's activities but didn't like them so it was never an issue really. Gfg1 has never tried any of gfg2's activities so this was a first......and a surprise that gfg2 would even want him to considering he is constantly saying gfg1 embarrasses him. Anyway, they've been doing great.

Last night, gfg2 spent the night at my mom's with my sister and niece. Needless to say, he didn't get much sleep. Gfg1 went to his horseback riding practice then went to rehearsal late. As soon as he got there, gfg2 hid his shoes. Gfg1 got mad so gfg2 finally told him where they were. Gfg1 got bored waiting for his turn on staage and was twirling some prop guns on his fingers. Gfg2 came in after his part was done and took them away from gfg1. Gfg1 let him. When gfg1 came back from his part, he asked for them back. Gfg2 refused and gfg1 was "stuck" so they started wrestling over them. Gfg2 hid them and gfg1 did his "tough guy" act to try to intimidate gfg2 (gfg1 is 4'8" & 70#; gfg2 is 5'10" & 190# so you can imagine). Gfg2 grabbed gfg1 by the back of the neck and squeezed. Gfg1 texted me to come get him. He came out with his entire costume (his own set of clothes) and said he quits. Keep in mind they start performances tomorrow. When gfg2 came into the van, he immediately apologized to gfg1 who had confided in me that he hates his life and wants to drown himself.

Gfg2 has always been gfg1's "safety" and he's emotionally attached to gfg2 (though he'd deny it) and was so honored that gfg2 wanted to share HIS activity with gfg1. Then he does something so immature and mean. When I try talking to either one of them to explain the other's point of view, NEITHER of them seems to be capable of it. That seems to be the only ASD trait they share and it drives me absolutely bananas. I just want to give up. I don't know what to do to get through to either one of them.

I know, things have been overall positive but then we have days like this and it's almost like PTSD for ME!!

[pasajes4]

Life just keeps throwing curves.

[Bunny]

What did GFG1 decide to do about the play? Did he change his mind and agree to be in it? I'm sorry this is going on.

[Ktllc]

Can they understand that not getting along will hurt them BOTH in certain circumstances?
To a different level obviously, V and Partner always go back and forth on the smallest little thing. Kind arguing just for the sake of it. Fair or not fair, I now stop whatever they are doing (game, TV, outside rides, etc) and tell them they can't go back to it until they reach an understanding. If they can't (often because V is stuck) then I ask them to go on seperately and do something entirely different. Of course, I only have 1 gfg in the mix which make it A LOT easier.

[SearchingForRainbows]

I understand the part about them not being able to see things from any pov but their own. To this day, both GFG1 and GFG2 have this problem. However, while GFG1 is sometimes capable of seeing things from another perspective, GFG2 is totally incapable of this. I doubt GFG2 will improve in this area.

Wish I had some good advice on how to make them understand that there is more then one way of seeing things. I think that with GFG1, nothing I did or said helped. I think it was more a matter of him slowly maturing, being out on his own, having to deal in the "real world," etc...

Sending sympathetic hugs and hoping today is a much better day... SFR

[TeDo]

Bunny, he is doing the play and opening night went off without a hitch and they are getting along well there again. Obviously gfg2 had to get his "snarkiness" out of his system and gfg1 is the obvious target. Gee, wonder if lack of sleep had anything to do with gfg2's behavior?!? Hmmm

Thanks ladies for the support. It is REALLY tough when neither of them is capable of seeing another POV. And if my interpretation is different than theirs, wow. Then I have to try to explain each other's POV to them and then explain mine. They just don't realize how important this is going to be in the real world especially when it comes to a work environment.

[Dammit Janet]

Jamie and Cory werent twins obviously but they might as well have been because they were exactly 2 years apart and stuck like glue. They were just referred to as "the boys". It was Billy and the boys. Those two could push each others buttons so well all their lives. Lord I thought they were going to kill each other while they were growing up...lol. They couldnt walk past each other without one of them tripping the other one. I used to throw them outside when they got to fussing too badly and tell them not to come in until someone was dead. LOL.

The good news is that now they absolutely adore each other. All the boys would take a bullet for each other. I can go to my grave knowing that my kids will always be there to take care of each other.

[TeDo]

Thanks for the positive side Janet. You don't know how bad I need that some days.

[TerryJ2]

Just sending hugs.

[TeDo]

They've been doing great the past couple days. Now this morning, gfg2 is playing a video game and gfg1 is in the same room on the laptop. Well, gfg2 "got lost" on the game so gfg1 was trying to help him by telling him where to go. Gfg2 is getting frustrated and gets upset with gfg1 for "telling me what to do!". That made gfg1 upset because "I'm just trying to help you" and yea, you can see where this is going. One sees it as helping and the other one sees the exact same thing as bossiness. Same situation, different views, and NEITHER ONE can see the opposite side. Grrrr