I would really appreciate any advice or help I could get from you. It's been a bad day.
My son is 6 years old and started Kindergarten 3 months ago.
He is very active. Makes friends easily and loves to play. He's smart. He can be very loving and cuddly at times. He can also be aggressive. He seems angry more than a 6 year old should be angry. He is not a crier or a whiner. He does not tattle tale. This is nature, not nurture - just how he is. His father and I don't push him to not cry or be a man or anything like that. "Use your words" is a familiar statement out of my mouth.
He would get in trouble as a toddler for pushing and on a couple occasions biting, but nothing too out of the normal range.
At the beginning of school the feedback from his teacher was "he is making friends easily" and he "has to learn when it is play time and when to sit quietly". Apparently he was rough housing with the other boys in his class. Not bullying behavior, they just couldn't keep their hands to themselves when they sit on the mat btwn activities.
I heard a lot from my son about a certain boy in his class. He idolized him. Then he started saying things like "Brian" hates me. "Brian" doesn't like that shirt so I won't wear it. "Brian" thinks that game I used to love is stupid. You get the picture.
He had an assigned seat next to this same boy on the bus. When my son would get off the bus he was always very upset and red in the face. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong, but he never tells me anything. He always does "nothing" at school or "nothing" when playing at a friend's house.
Then one afternoon I was called to talk to the bus driver b/c there had been a problem with my son and this other boy. My son had hit the other boy. I do not begin to doubt this. What I think happened was this little boy teases my son and does things like untie his shoes and then my son hits him. After talking to the bus driver about how my son has had some problems with this boy at school and seems to be teased by him, the bus driver moved my son to a different seat. Problem solved, right?
NO. 2 days later I am asked to talk to the bus driver again. My son has pushed his friend out of the seat. I do not think he was rough housing or having fun at all. I do believe he was being mean. This little boy is at least 6 months younger than my son and might seem a little more "babyish" to my son. Basically a good target. I sent my son to his room. He had to write apologies to the boy and the bus driver. He had stern "talking to's" from his father and myself. Problem solved, right?
NO. Today I had to talk to the bus driver again. He told another boy that he was "going to kill him with a chainsaw" and untied his shoes. I could barely get anything about what happened out of my son. Again the other little boy is not really popular and is kind of dorky - a good person to pick on. His mother and I are good friends. My son is still in his room as I just don't know what to do. He is supposed to be writing his apologies again - not that it helped before. In his apology he says sorry and then he tells the other boy not to untie my son's shoes??? I don't know if the other boy untied his shoes or not. I don't know what happened in order to make my son act so hatefully. I don't even know if anything happened at all. I wasn't there.
I am mortified, embarrassed, angry, you name it. I feel like a total parenting failure.
What do I do? How do I handle this? We've been on both sides of this bullying thing and I honestly don't know which side is worse. I hate to think of my baby boy as being a mean, hateful person. I would do anything I had to do to help him become a happy, kind, empathetic person. Where did I go wrong and where do I go from here?