New to Forum

[Mamaof2]

Hello,

I'm new to the forum and I've been reading posts off and on all day before posting. I'm so relieved to find this site as we're just now starting with the diagnosis of ODD/Mood Disorder -NOS/Learning Disability-NOS with my 14 year old son. We just received his diagnosis after testing and getting all records together. (School, Doctor etc) Results were determined by a Psy.D, L.P. We actually went through testing and all that is involved with that thinking it might be ADD. We've done well with dealing with sons issues through the years until about 6th grade. Then we started wondering. However, During the summer. He's a totally different child. Confused by this we didn't get testing. 7th grade he had many problems, yet again during the summer he did well with us. During the summer we started this process because I decided that I was failing him if I didn't do something to help him as he really stuggles with behaivors and schooling through the year. I'd rather know, than not know and keep on wondering. Last year was hard on us.

So, Now we know. I will be meeting with his Psy. to go over the report and take steps to help him deal with this. I'm relieved and I'm stressed at the same time. I don't know what to expect. I still don't know fully how to help him. I know he needs help with school but I don't know where to start, how much information I should give and so on. They know something is going on with him as he does get into trouble often. Sorta the class clown sort of thing, with some outbursts. He has a hard time with homework. It was a battle daily to get him to do it. This year he's doing it but not turning it in and so on. I have many books to read to understand how to help him, and not make everything a battle. I know I need to get him and us into therapy for communication help and also anger/coping with stressors.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to expect. And I still am not sure how to help him. The doctor we're seeing has appointments out to Dec. right now. I took the appt. for the beginning of Dec. but I wonder what I can do in the meantime to start this progress and be assertive in getting him the help he needs with his learning disability -NOS. I just don't want to sit around for the next two months waiting. YKWIM? I need to figure out what steps I can take now to help us all.

My son is a very caring, outgoing child. He does well with making friends. Does not bully kids at school at all. His main issues are power struggles with us and his teachers. He's a great debater. Of course, at times.. it's a pain in the butt and other times I think.. This kid really thinks about everything doesn't he. He doesn't have a hard time with his peer group. Actually the kids he's in class with think he's funny, the class clown and actually look up to him which.. is good and also very bad as they tend to follow his lead with behaviors. He doesn't get into fights. He does argue with teachers, make noises, try to be the funny guy, and at times he has major anger outbursts. Doesn't hurt anyone. Does punch walls when annoyed or frustrated. Throws stuff around his room. Gets very overwhelmed at those times. Those outbursts happen about once a month. He will lie or blame others for just about anything. Especially if he thinks it'll get him out of trouble.

Just a little bit about him.

Anyway, Thanks for reading. I look forward to getting to know you all, share support and advice. I'm really in need of it.

[smallworld]

Welcome. I'm glad you found us.

When you get that first dx, it can be overwhelming. You have so much to think about and so much to do. Deep breaths. One step at a time. You will get through this.

I'm glad you're going into to see the psychologist. It will be important for him to explain the test results and how they affect your son's functioning. I imagine he will also write a report that you will able to share with the professionals who treat your son and with the school for the purposes of getting academic support. Make sure you ask exactly what Learning Disorder-NOS is and how it should be remediated.

I'd strongly recommend taking these steps at this point:

First, locate a competent child psychiatrist skilled in treating mood disorders. Your son may need meds to help him function better. It can take a while to get in to see a good one so you want to start locating one now.

Second, start the IEP process with your son's school. The website www.wrightslaw.com will help you with this process. If you have questions about it, please also post on the Special Ed 101 forum on this site.

You might also want to get your hands on a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has helped many of us here parent our extra-challenging children.

Again, welcome. You're not alone any longer.

[house of cards]

Adding my welcome as well. This is a very special place you have found. I'm still trying to get my appt, but I would want a neuro-psychological evaluation to find out detailed information on the LD NOS. I hear it also can aid in dxing ADHD,Mood Disorders and other things that can effect our kids. Sounds like you are doing great with getting your GFG the help he needs and learning all you can able his problems. He's a lucky kid.

[smallworld]

A Psy.D. might have done a neuropyschological evaluation.

[Marguerite]

Welcome. I also strongly urge you to read the book recommended, "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. If you want a quick preview, go over to Early Childhood and read up on how they suggest applying the book to younger children. While that is not going to be appropriate since your son is 14, you will still get a lot of clues on how the book works. The strategies in it are very helpful especially for a kid you've been finding a challenge (and who challenges authority) but it can also be used for PCs. We also found it to be much easier to use, certainly far easier than the constant struggle and the fighting.

It is something you can do, even if dx is still uncertain or varied.

When we are all trying to work with our children it is a struggle. Sometimes as parents we look for the solution, we want to find someone who can help; who has the right pill or the perfect therapy. And while all help is welcome, sometimes there is no fix available; we have to use anything and everything we can. So while looking for the pill or the therapy, we can still apply our parental instincts and lateral thinking, and put in place as much as we can. We then have a better idea of what needs to be fixed still - what is left after we've done everything else (including things we simply hadn't known about before).

And never forget - YOU are the parents, you have the best knowledge of all, of your son. Trust yourselves, have faith in yourselves. Also recognise that somewhere inside your son is a good kid who really wants to do well but who sometimes feels overwhelmed and despairing of ever finding his way out of the confusing maze. It can make him angry, or sad, or confused - or everything.

If you can share this site with your husband, it can also help your communication and help you both work as effectively as possible as a team.

Marg

[Andy]

Welcome, You are doing a great job in looking for ways to help your son.

The time lines in getting help seem like forever. Like you said, seems by the time an issue is discovered it is Spring and school will soon be out for the summer. The summer goes well so we think, "Good, positive changes, this year will be different". Then the problems start mostly Nov - Dec. That is because Oct - Nov is a lot of review from the previous year and the real true new materials are introduced the end of the 1st quarter or the beginning of the second quarter. So, we try to get a handle on it again this year and by the time we realize we are working with a true problem, the summer arrives again. I think the schools sometimes also puts off the IEP as long as possible hoping you will drop the pursuit over summer.

Anyway, the others here have give great advise and you are doing awesome in the search for answers. Keep us posted.

[Mamaof2]

Thank you so much everyone for the welcome and your comments. I really appreciate this site and will spend time on it reading as much as I can.

My son had diagnostic assessments:

Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children (WISC-IV)
Wechsler Individual Achievement Test (WIAT-II)

Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory - Adolescent (MMPI-A)

His teachers and I have also filled out stuff for his report.

His results were:

Verbal Comprehen. Average
Perceptual Reason. Average
Working Memory Average
Processing Speed Low Average
Full Scale IQ Average

Reading Low Average
Math Low Average
Spelling Low Average

He's in 8th grade. His writing is horrible. His slow processing has been noticed by teachers this year. They say he looks like he's in pain while writing. Thinking too hard just to write and it still ends up very hard to read. I've been thinking that maybe I could get him a small processor to help him. Type up stuff instead of writing while we work on writing at home? I dunno.

Are there other Neuro tests that could be done or should be done with him? I'll make sure to make a list of questions for his Psy. Doctor.

[Mamaof2]

I also forgot to add something pretty frustrating about this already....

I spoke with my son's father about the report when I got it. Right away he said "I don't believe that there is such thing as ODD." Which then told me he's not going to be on the same page as me and my son's step dad with this stuff. That bothers me. I've went through so much to get this diagnosis and figure out what's going on only to have his father already debate me on it. I have no idea if I'll be able to get him on the same page as us. He thinks therapy is a joke and really just wants our son on meds. Ugh. I want to do whatever I can for our son and if that means meds I'm open to it, However, I know he needs therapy too. Indv. and Family. To help us with communication and to help him with stressors in his life and anger management.

Even my own mother said "He's just a teenager there's nothing wrong with him." She's right. He is a teenager. There is nothing WRONG! with him. He's not bad. He's a good kid who struggles and it's my responsibility to help him through those struggles the best I can within reason. I don't think it's unreasonable to want him to be in therapy. This doesn't change who he is at all.

My son's step dad is on the same page as me and will be reading and working toward how to react towards son when he has behaviors. I feel like I have one person on my side. So, that's good.

[amazeofgrace]

Oh honey I can relate to Dad being a pin head about your GFG's diagnosis and needs, they are way too wrapped up in "it's about me" then GFG

[totoro]

Wanted to add my welcome! My daughter is a wonderful girl. But she has a brain disorder (Bipolar)... sometimes it gets in the way of her having a *good day, productive day, stable day...etc* It is just like any other disorder or disease, I have to help her treat it and that (for us) includes meds, therapies and Doctors...
Either you're going to try and understand my child or at at least not judge... or please just keep it yourself!
This is the attitude I have had to kind of arm myself with over the years, for myself also, I have BP as well.
We can try and educate but don't spend too much time, it is tiring. Your ex, will maybe, hopefully come around.
Hang in there, read up and continue looking for any help you can get.
It is scary when you first here Mood-Disorder.... but it is not a death sentence. There is hope with education.