Perfect Storm

[firehorsewoman]

I knew the storm would hit...I knew it would be soon...but couldn't it have waited until I was feeling a bit better...not even great but maybe at least when I am feeling my "new normal" and not trying to recover from a medial procedure done on Monday?

Of course not.

The perfect storm has been brewing since early July when GFG's diagnosis and medications were changed.
Then my serious medical issues started.
Then GFG's serious medical issues started.
Then GFG started a new school (due to redistricting)...well kind of started in between all of his doctor appointments.
Then GFG's father decides it would be good for GFG and PC to ride the bus this year. Another change. Not one supported by me.

We were getting by with one miracle after another keeping us afloat (No cancer!!) yet with all of the disruptions, medical appointments, medicines, changes, etc I was holding my breath but knew that soon GFG's fuse would blow and that day was yesterday.

The bus is causing him problems. Too much noise, confusion, chaos... My ex just doesn't get it. Says that I am babying GFG by offering to drive the kids to school (on days that they are at his home-they go to school near his house) so they don't have to take the bus. Not that they HAVE to take it. He just wants them to. Says that GFG has to learn how to cope, blah, blah...the same old arguments we always have about these issues.
GFG says that he felt intimidated by older boys on bus yesterday, a commotion of some sort ensued- (hard to to tell since info comes from GFG and PC) and GFG was given a permanent seat in the front of bus. After school he was besides himself crying and terrified that these boys are going to beat him up. This is the first time I have dealt with GFG being afraid of anything or anyone. Have his recent medical problems left him feeling vulnerable? Or is this normal experience of being exposed to older different kids? Perhaps younger children just avoid those they perceive as different and older kids bully?

Next I find out (from GFG) that GFG was sent to the vice-principal that day for hitting other students and then continued to do so requiring a follow-up visit with VP. (was this misdirected anger and aggression? the timing seems to suggest so) Why were his father and I not called? Why was I finding out from GFG? Why did they not phone us like his previous school would? Then I see his weekly conduct report which verifies what he tells me and also shows that he has had a very rough week the entire week (talking, not following directions, not turning in home-work, not on task) resulting in a "U" which is the lowest score for conduct.

Went through the long process most of you have been through many times: calming GFG down, contacting his father, contacting school, etc. Over and over again it seemed.

GFG was up until midnight upset about many things (YIKES!!!!) one of which is his inability to concentrate and focus at school. Unfortunately, due to the really serious nature of his orthopedic problem his behavior problem has not been my primary focus as it had been previously...not that we have missed any pdoc appointments...we have not but, even at the last one in August the pdocs were obviously more worried about the possibility of GFG having bone cancer as well as we were and he had not started school at that time....so the behavior stuff was not as glaring as it is now. The plan had been to continue to increase lithium and we have increased but not as fast as the plan in August. Since starting the lithium GFG has not spoken one suicidal word and only had two violent meltdowns in nine weeks. That is huge. Really huge. But clearly we need to address the ADHD stuff as those behaviors persist. I don't know how pdoc will address this as we didn't have huge success on stimulants before but we need to do something.
Also, the 504 meeting we had scheduled before the start of the school had to be canceled for one of his oncology appointments. There was just no way around it. I had wanted to start off on the best foot possible. My plans were messed up by the darn cancer scare/bone infection nightmare. Lots of communication with teachers, principal, VP today...working on getting that 504 meeting asap.

The timing of all of this just stinks.
I am not physically well. I continue to have medical appointments and tests in order to get me on the right path medically.
GFG's bone infection has complicated things tremendously (albeit to a much lesser degree than cancer would have.)
His father and I continue to disagree about how to approach many of the issues that came up yesterday.
It is all so frustrating and exhausting. I knew it was coming. But that didn't make it any easier.

[Anxworrier]

I am sorry you're having so many tough things thrown at you at once! I must say though that you sound like you are one rockin good mom! You have had such challenges and yet you are totally being proactive and taking care of business! Way to go! Sending you a cyber {hug}

[TerryJ2]

Ohhhhh I am so sorry. And I am very sorry for gfg about the bus issues and that your ex is not on the same page. I would be spitting tacks.

Do you think this is a good med change? When is your next pdoc appt?

[Liahona]

So ex is telling you to make gfg take the bus from your house but they are within walking distance from his? If its o.k. with you to drive them then drive them anyway. One less headache for you and gfg.

I hope you both get some sleep. Things do tend to happen with gfgs at the worst times for us.

[firehorsewoman]

Anxworrier, welcome and thank you for the cyber hugs and kind words. I hope you find support here. It is a great place.

Yes, Terry I do think the lithium was a good med change. I mean how could it not be? NO suicide talk (we had been through three years of that! since GFG was five he has talked about wanting to be dead) and very few violent meltdowns when before it was a very rare DAY not to have one now we have gone WEEKS without one. Still seeing some of the hypersexual stuff though. Also, extremely hyper at times but in a new way. Has hysterical laughing fits all day now when before they alternated with rages and depression. Now that the latter are gone the manic stuff is predominating.
His serum levels are still sub-therapeutic and because of the bone infection and high doses of antibiotics I have not increased it again as we had planned. Also, he is most likely going to need something else to help with the ADHD that seems to be persisting though there have been huge improvements on the mood stuff.

The next pdoc appt is Oct 1st and the VP of school called tonight and we scheduled 504 meeting for Sept 20th. Of course he will have appointments for the bone infection too. If non-GFG kids are a full-time job what are GFGs? My goodness it is a "good" thing I am unemployed now isn't it? How the heck would I be going to all of these appointments if I actually had a job and was well enough to work?

[firehorsewoman]

Sorry for the confusion. The kids go to school in exhusband's neighborhood which is 20 minutes from me. On the days they stay with me, I obviously drive them to school. They are not within walking distance from his house but previous years he has always driven them to school and there is no conflict with his work schedule etc. Also, he is remarried and has a wife that can drive them too. he just wants them to take the bus. Like I wrote previously, I think it is too much noise, chaos activity for GFG plus an environment ripe with trouble with lots of kids and little supervision. Not a good recipe for most of our GFGs. I think we owe it to him at this age to set him up to succeed. His father thinks the way to do that is to push him into situations and force him to "deal" with them. I disagree.

So ex is telling you to make gfg take the bus from your house but they are within walking distance from his? If its o.k. with you to drive them then drive them anyway. One less headache for you and gfg.

I hope you both get some sleep. Things do tend to happen with gfgs at the worst times for us.

[Liahona]

Is there anyway to get him on the sp ed bus? The one with lots of supervision.

[firehorsewoman]

Is there anyway to get him on the sp ed bus? The one with lots of supervision.

Maybe? But, I think that would be a lot of unnecessary trouble. His dad is able to take him to school. There is no work or time conflict. Even though he is able if he is not willing, I have volunteered to drive over there every day and take them to school myself. But he won't hear of it. Pretty typically we see things differently. He thinks that it is "good" for GFG to learn how to "deal with" taking the bus. Says that it will make him stronger. I disagree. I think that GFG has enough of a challenge keeping it together in the chaos of school seven hours a day. Why add another layer of challenges if there is no real need?

[Liahona]

I agree with you. Do you think you can talk ex into doing things differently? If the sp ed bus is the only bus that is going to be picking gfg up then ex will get gfg bused and gfg will get the supervision that will help him feel safe. Or ex would be driving him to school because the sp ed bus isn't what ex wants for him. Ex probably won't like it because you would be undermining him.

[InsaneCdn]

Says that it will make him stronger. I disagree. I think that GFG has enough of a challenge keeping it together in the chaos of school seven hours a day. Why add another layer of challenges if there is no real need?

Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/foru...#ixzz26VqbUGjJ

Maybe you're both right?
Granted... mine have never taken the bus - but that's a LONG story.

But... I did. My siblings did. And all our friends.

Reality is, if GFG can learn to handle being bussed, it gives him more freedom, more skills for the future.

Depending on where GFG is at - could he handle taking the bus home, but being driven TO school? Its a tough call either way on which end to do the bussing at... some kids can handle TO on the bus, but are too tired to cope with HOME - and others can't face something going wrong on the bus messing up their whole day, but can handle getting home because then they are "home safe".

Just a thought.