please give me the patience not to strangle her

[candiecotton]

we are in the middle of a tirade with G at the moment shes been screaming & yelling & making noises all in an attempt to get me upset.
what happened she kicked D & i told her that because of his she can not go to the park this evening . this was about 30 minutes ago . she has been screaming & yelling making noises
the dog of course reacting to the ylees & screaming had started barking & she yells out that C is kiling he dog & when he stops barking she pretends to cry saying she wants her doggie back . the contents of her bookbag are all over the floor.
she then switched it up to telling me how much she hates it here & hates it that i am her mom & banging on things .
of course hubbys no where to be found & when he gets home she will act lke theres nothing wrong .
she hasnt threatend to kill herself yet but i guess thats coming soon .
im just sitting here ignoring her behavior
soon though i will be sitting on my hands soon

[JJJ]

This is your 15 year old???? You have to be tempted to tell her to grow up. Can you video her? Maybe having to watch it with her dad will encourage her to hold it together.

You are doing great staying calm. Is she safe enough for you to take C and the dog for a walk?

[candiecotton]

i have video tapped her just before she hurt her sister
the guy downstairs has banged on the ceiling to tell us theres too much noise so thats set the tone for the weekend . im expecting noise from down there . shes finally picking up her book bag stuff shes stopped throwing things .
thing is shes "crying" that she does not want to leave not a tear in her eyes though
i told her that shes going to stay in there tomorrow & if things are better she can come back sunday & stay the night .
hubbys home & of course he will try to talk her down & then say that " shes going to be good & i dont want her to go back "
but of course hes going "fishing" tomorow & he wont be here . im working till 4 am & being tired tomorrow she will not let up so she has to go back
hes telling her she has one more chance . she has to go back or i will hurt her because the things shes said to me today that you wouldnt say to a ********
& if course shes not stopping so guess whos going to have to put up with her ****

[JJJ]

Go back? I'm sorry I must have missed part of your story. If she is in an RTC, I would take her back immediately.

[susiestar]

Why don't you tell your dh that if she stays he has to take her fishing. She goes back or goes with him?

I guess I don't understand your group home. Here group homes are where kids live and they are there full time. They don't go back and forth to home the way your dau is. Can you explain the situation so I understand it more clearly?

She doesn't seem to be able to be at home w/o a rage. IMO she needs to go stay at the group home 24/7 except when she is home for a few weeks/months until she can be appropriate on visits at the home (you go there) and then be appropriate on SHORT visits at home. NO way should she have the power to go back and forth.

She really NEEDS a full eval and treatment. this is NOT going to get better otherwise. Isn't she the one who pooped in the garbage can? That is a HUGE red flag for many many serious disorders. I have yet to know a person who defecated somewhere other than a toilet//outhouse who did not have a MAJOR problem. IMO this is way past ODD or adhd. Not at all sure what it is, but you NEED to get a neuropsychologist to do lots of testing or get a multidisciplinary evaluation for her. MDE's are done at major hospitals here (univ hospitals or children's hospitals). You have to find some way to figure this out, otherwise there is NO hope to help her. NONE.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this and with your dh trying to buy into her act so that you get few breaks. If he insists she stay the night, wake her up and take her to the group home when you get off work. That way you could get some sleep.

OTOH, I am curious about the suicide threats. What do you do when she does that? Have you tried taking her to the hospital or calling for police to help transport a mentally ill child who is threatening suicide? Have a video of her as she says it if possible, or of her tantrum as a whole. It might be another way to get services or to inconvenience gfg so that she stops.

Maybe making her sit in the ER waiting room and then in a room for hours and hours and hours waiting for the psych consult would be enough inconvenience to make her stop saying that??? Just a thought. The suicide threats would put me over the line. I might offer to make it come true for her. But I wouldn't say it out loud.

Whatever happens, try to be nice to yourself. Give yourself a treat, even if it is only reading a magazine or a few pages of a book while you are in the bathroom. (I have been know to sneak a book and a snack into the bathroom just to have a break in peace!)

[susiestar]

Oh, I would videotape EVERY rage that I possibly could. Save them and make sure they are dated. If you video them using your cell phone you can use a cable to put them on your phone or maybe send them as a videomessage to your computer. I don't understand it all but the cell phone co could walk you through it. Our phones take memory cards so I put videos on that and then move them to the computer.

If you have most of her rages on video then you have REAL documentation of her daily behavior. Even a doting daddy cannot look at 10 rages in a couple of days or even two weeks and think it is tolerable.

Just don't make a big deal about the cell phone or video camera. The more she doesn't notice the camera the more you will get on tape. Just remember to keep the phone with you at all times so she cannot get it and break it so you cannot film her anymore. Esp when she spends the night with you.

[candiecotton]

well he got his way last night & i ledt for work early & took the long way she is up & at it again this morning because i told hubby that she has to go back for the day so that set her off shes upstairs banging on the floor now he is gone to pick up his brother & he is bringing her back for the day or hes staying home.
she is on the waiting list to see someone she did have an intake appointment last month thing is we have no residential treatment place here & shes on he waiting list to see someone . she was on the the list a year & 1/2 to see this dr.
our province has a serious shortage of specalists ,
when she goes to see her counselor ( about once a month we cant get any more appointments ) she will say everything fine so thats useless we tell her hos G is acting & she says that shes on the list, it took 6 months to get in to see a counselor .
the social worker in the meeting yesterday said that she has a behavioral management specialist come in so we will have someone else for her to tell shes fine.

now comes the fun part hubbys back for her & shes in bed pretending to be asleep