the real her

[Jena]

i haven't seen the real "her" gfg in a while. I'm beginning to see her again, the way she was the way it originally was almost 2 years ago now. Before the pills, and the doctors, the various pyschiatrists and specialists just her in her true unihibited form.

There's something very sweet about it all. I almost cried watching her this evening as I sat on the chair in the living room her twirling about dressed in some outfit she pulled from her closet smiling and giggling totally not able to sit still for a second ofcourse......

Granted the nights are rough with the lack of her sleeping (most nights not all yet), the anxiety she experiences is unnerving, yet this is who she really is. Happy and up sometimes and ready to conquer the world, giggling and happy playful and smiling and then the other moments (i haven't seen those yet) crying and sad very meloncholy talking about the past a marriage between her dad and i that she never really got to see (we split many many years ago), talking about how others stare at her and dislike her, how she is fat and ugly etc.

We're on an up now i'm going to enjoy it for as long as it lasts every giggle and laugh every moment she isn't concerned about who or what is going to happen or who is going to look at her that fills my cup up and hopefully hers until the other side of it hits (not being negative just always winds up happening), hopefully these moments will help get us thru the bad moments when they come.

Sad part is it's almost like these moments never happen for her when the bad stuff hits. Its almost like she doens't remember them.

Her creative side is back, her drawing adn coloring song writing and dressing up.

Its amazing how our kids move us, isn't it whether it's a hectic moment filled with grief adn upsetment or a great moment when their smiling and giggling and laughing and playing almost as if they have no worries just as a chid shouldn't.

I guess we all must feel at times these thigns our children suffer with and from steals a little bit of their childhood......

My life would be so very boring and lonely and meaningless without her in it. She gives me purpose and makes me want to be a better person everyday.

Just felt like posting and sharing that thought.

thanks Jen

[Wiped Out]

Glad you are beginning to see the "real" her again! Enjoy these moments.

[busywend]

Keep these times close to your heart so you can pull them up when you need them most!

[timer lady]

Thanks for sharing this with us - hang onto these moments. It helps you get through the rough times.

You're doing good!

[Jena]

thanks guys

such support always..........could you tell my new pyschiatrist is out this week??? LOL.....hence my never ending posting..

jen