Situation....???

[totoro]

OK lets say... your 6.7 yo (who has been in swimming classes since 6mos old)
has planted herself in the pool and is refusing to get out... we are in Tucson. Not our home... she is manic, violent. It started when I asked her to wear a hat for a little bit to get a break from the sun... which means she can't obsessively sit under water.
So she went under anyway... then started screaming at me, because the hat was wet and she couldn't see.
I told her she could either stop going under or get out and stay out of the sun for a little bit. (this is the kid who has been stuck in the swimming thought since last Tuesday)
So the screaming escalates she starts throwing things at me and splashing me...I count... she says "NO I AM NOT GETTING OUT"
You ruined it Mom I am not doing anything you say, you can't make me.... on and on...
we get up because now it has gone on for 15 minutes and she is in the middle of the pool screaming at us, splashing, throwing things...
So we go inside, leave the screen door open, YES I can see her and there is also a HUGE picture window that we can see her through...
So she proceeds to come back and forth to the screen window and spit and throw water, objects... whatever she can think of at us, while screaming... after each assault... she hucks herself back into the pool...
We end up locking the doors...
Just sit and watch her...
After over an hour of this, she has just climbed out and wrapped herself up in a towel. SHe is just sitting on a lounge chair talking to herself...


No I am not taking her to a hospital... she has done this sort of thing a lot before... she is manic.

I am just curious what you would do besides take her to a hospital?
We will give her a PRN and try to get her into a bath.

I think the SUN of Tucson has really triggered some Mania, It has for me... I am not sleeping...

We went from NO sun to full blown sun...

I just don't know what else we could have done in this instance... Yes we could have dragged her out, and restrained her, sure we could have smacked her... but I am not into violence and do not believe in it.
I thought and so did DH to let her get it out of her system...
she is not able to learn a lesson at this point, she is out of control.
She will feel bad later. If she remembers, we can talk about...

I am tired of restraining the poor kid.

Any ideas of what we could do? or could have done? It is hard because this is not our home.

She was safe... let's just get that out of the way. We were only 15 ft from her at all times. She can swim.

TIA

[JJJ]

Well, I'd have called for medical transport and taken her to a hospital. If you don't want to do that, maybe a call to her pdoc for a med adjustment????

[SRL]

Early on when gfg started having rages like this we discovered that if we could remove him from the scene we could often head off the worst of it or calm him down more quickly. Our agreement was that the parent who wasn't involved in the collision would try and coax him to the van. We'd drive around a bit, maybe stop somewhere for a snack. We'd call ahead to make sure the family disappeared while he re-entered and settled into another activity or got ready for bed. It's not exactly the most convenient plan for the family but it sure beats 2-3 hours of raging.

I know it's a lot different situation when you're not at home. In your case I might have offered some alternatives to the hat such as spray-on sunblock offered and a handheld umbrella to try and head it off at the pass. Easy for me to say, since I wasn't in your sandals.

I've never called for transport to the hospital but he's been able to calm without prn meds.

[SaraT]

Thinking back to that age, I must say you have more patience then I. But I think you did the right thing. With mood disorder children(and I have had to learn this) it is sometimes better to let them wear themselves out. Just keep them safe and let them have their tantrum. No good will come from disciplining them in that state anyway.(IMHO).

Once she is calm then try to talk to her. I always tried to explain that there are consequences for actions, and try to help gfg see a different possible action/solution.

I am no expert, and still struggle with gfg's mood swings/cycling. I don't have any hospital advise, never had to go that route.

Take a minute to calm yourself(if needed) and remember, sometimes there is nothing you can do other then keep them safe.

[Shari]

Other than trying to find a possible alternative to the hat, I think I'd have done pretty much what you did. Back off and let the war rage without you.

[nvts]

I guess the only thing I could TRY (I know how you feel, I'd have such an urge to dive in and drag her out!) and disarm the situation.

"Oh, I know I hate when that happens...would you like to give me the hat and I'll try and dry it out." "What would you like me to do to help the situation?" ( a la throw it back in her lap!) "You know what? Forget about the sun...DH will run to the store and get some Solarcaine for the sunburn you're about to get" "Honey? Would you mind coming out and putting some sunblock on me? I can't get this spot on the back of my neck and I KNOW that you can get it! I sure don't want old lady skin before I have to!"

That being said, you asked for suggestions, I don't know if it would work, but it seems that she really, really has trouble with transitioning, so if you make it her idea OR that she's helping YOU, she might fall for it before it gets hostile.

Sorry you had to go through this!

Beth

[totoro]

Yeah, I don't know... she is in bed now. Poor thing. She is just a mess.
If she was a tiny bit more stable I would expect more from her.
We have gone over this every day... It is once again her stuck thinking. Once she is going she can't stop.
It is like the snakes, we were going for a walk the other day, and the RattleSnakes are just coming out of hibernation... she is obsessed with snakes. So, she goes running off of the trail and starts trying to flip huge rocks to find a Rattler!!!
I did not let that go on. She is so impulsive.

But we have had talks and sunscreen lathering sessions, we talk about how we swim for this amount of time and then we take a break... I even have table set up with clay and moon sand and toys in the shade!!!
I wasn't even going to make her get out... It was because she had to stop going under water... she wants to chase this little purple toy that spins under water...
"The purple snitch" like Harry Potter... whose dumb idea was that???


The other thing is N is not doing very well either, she is on Sensory overload and anxiety is on HIGH!!! RED ALERT!!!

I appreciate it... We are just in limbo right now... and don't really have anyone to go to for med changes or anything like that yet... I am making notes of all of this for Thursdays apt.

Thanks guys. We have been trying to keep her as calm as possible, but it is so hard... she wants to GO all of the time.

[slsh]

Personally, I would've have removed her from the pool and that would be the end of it. Restrain if necessary. You made a simple request, gave her choices (hat or come out of pool) and she refused to comply, then flew off the handle. Manic or no, it's unacceptable behavior (very easy for me to say *now*, being 10 years removed from the joys of raging young gfgs). But, from a distance, what has happened is she's gotten the reinforcement of she can do whatever she wants with no consequences. On top of it, she can rage however long she wants, again with no consequences. I'm sorry, but spitting has *always* been a hot button for me. To me, it's the epitome of disrespect. For her to come back and do it over and over? Nope, not going to happen.

The goal is to get her to the point where she can function in a community. This is not functioning.

I know it's hard to predict what's going to set our kids off, but I really think it's important to follow through once a request has been made, regardless of their reaction.

[totoro]

SlSH

I usually go that route, but we have gotten nowhere with it (here) when she is full blown manic... and since her meds are being adjusted and she is in the middle of transition... I felt like letting her blow it out was better than fighting it out in My in-laws home... I fully know what you are saying... and agree with you. I do partially feel like we should have pulled her out...

But with the sun kicking in her mania and all of the above I sort of feel like she really doesn't have full control of herself, this morning she was crying and saying her brain didn't feel like it was hers, she was poking her sister and saying she felt out of control and started crying, and saying she had no control over her body, and could someone else have taken control of her???

So we haven't eased up entirely but we are trying to cut her some slack while we are here...


The old routine will resume once home and semi stable... It is just so hard the travel, with med changes and doc changes and Mania... I am wondering if anyone has had to do this!!!???? I am trying to be strict to a point... she seems so fragile at times. She was a wreck when she came in... I had a talk with her and she went to bed.

[totoro]

Yes spitting is my all time low also... I had to restrain myself. This Mommy is having to show some real restraint this past week... Some days I want to SMACK someone...