I wrote 3 months ago distraught when I got my 15 year old son put in jail overnight for destroying a trellis in my back yard with an iron bar cause he didnt want me telling him what to do. Since then we have come a long way... he told me in the police cells that all I ever did was tell him what he did wrong, which I took on. Read a few great books on Parenting Teenagers that have got ME back on track, I praise him and appreciate him again (cause he aint all bad, lol). He told me after the jail incident that he didnt want to fight with me anymore, and for the most part he has stuck with that, and it never gets like it was.
I have (mostly) stopped yelling, got myself back on track... I decided when he got out of jail that one of us had to make the first move to let it be different, I was the adult so it was up to me. So I let him start again, and he took my lead and its been SO much better. I am making sure I spend time with him, to help his insecurities, and confidence (to "refill his emotional tank" as my book says)... the books have helped me see where I had been going wrong and I corrected.
I am doing my part.. being supportive, encouraging, spending time with him, which is eating into my time for myself (I'm trying to work on prioritising here). He has been truant lots this year.. he finally made a decision for HIM that he wanted to go back to school and get the best grades he can to increase his chances of getting into the polytech farming course he wants to do next year. The first day back, he'd been there 1 1/2 hours, got into a fight with a bigger kids, and ended up with a broken nose!!!! UNBELEIVEABLE. Needed surgery to put it back in, more healing time. Then decided he couldnt bear going back to school, dealing with fear.
We met with his guidance counsellor and got his time table changed so he doesnt have to be in the same class as this kid... this morning was the first day, and he refuses to get up, says hes tired.
I dont know what to do here.. everyone else is making changes to make life better for him except him. I told him its up to him too, no one else can do his part. I know its his responsibilty.... I so want him to be happy, and successful, and education is such a huge part of that... I dont want to be worrying about him the rest of my my life (yeah I'm being selfish here too, I've spent so much of the last 5 years dealing with him).
I'm exhausted, I'm spending so much time looking after everyone else... there's no time for me. I've really noticed over the last few weeks what a rescuer I am, a caretaker.. I don't know how to say no when people are in trouble and REALLY need me... then they turn round and make bad decisions and I think "why did i bother??". I need some time out, my days arent my own any more cause my son has been home for SO long.
I feel STUCK.