Thanks for letting me join...

[Valentine]

I am a mother to a gfg.. He is 14 years old and has ODD also having really bad behavioral problems but is not being medicated. Well that might change after today. I am at a complete loss for words and all I can do is cry. Gfg went to school toady and threatned everyone and the police showed up at my house.. handcuffed him and took him away.. My 3 year old who witnessed this is saying " mommy he is in jail". I am so broken and feel so numb. I just dont know what to do.

[JJJ]

Valentine,

Welcome to our little corner of the web. I'm so sorry that it has gotten to this point. ODD is usually a poor excuse for a dx. Who dx your son with this? Has he ever had a multidisciplinary evaluation or a neuropysch eval? Is he on an IEP at school?

Please let us know more about your son and his childhood. There are many, many parents on this board and we are more than willing to share our experiences and provide as much emotional support as you need.

[emotionallybankrupt]

Valentine, I know what a trauma it is to have your child taken away in handcuffs, particularly in front of a younger child. To explain to the younger one, though, I did not ever say "jail," and if she had ever asked me that, I would have said that was not true. (It is not technically called that for a juvenile, after all.) I explained that the police had to take gfg to "big girl time out." She could relate to that. When can she get out? (the follow-up question): When she has had enough time to think about how to behave, just like other "time out."

When gfg was hospitalized, I NEVER used the word "hospital." I explained that she was in a special school to help her learn how to be nicer to other people. (Younger one had already named up the "mean" behavior that was happening--impossible to deny--so this was a natural way to explain why she was there.) When will she come home? When the teachers think she is ready, when she has learned the lessons she needs to learn.

For YOU, have you been in contact with your own doctor? Your little one will take cues from you, and the medication I was able to get--temporarily--to help me be more functional through the shock phases, helped her and me both.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through today.

[Valentine]

My gfg has always been more difficult than my other 4 kids. He sees a counsler (sp) at the Mental Health center and already goes to the alternative school because he has made threats in the past. He has drawn horrific pictures and made threats to kill people at school. He will be charged with criminal threat. He is at a hospital getting I am sure a psych eval.

[jal]

Welcome. I am sorry you've had to go through that. I'm not there yet w/my young gfg, (he's 7 and in an alternative school too) but I fear it sometimes, down the road. You will find a lot of support here. ((hugs)).

[Wiped Out]

Adding in my welcome and some gentle hugs. Sounds like you are dealing with so much. Please be sure you are taking care of you (which I know is easier said than done).

[Valentine]

I am a 34 year old mother to 5 beautiful children and have a loving husband of 7 years. I have 2 gfg's both boys ages 14 (ODD) and 11 (ODD). I also have 3 girls who dont seem to have any problems.

[busywend]

Valentine, I am sorry for your hurting mommy heart. HUGS!!

However, please try to look at this as a way to get services for your child. He obviously needs some help that a family home can not provide. Please try to work with the system to get him some support services. You want to give him every shot at becoming a productive, law-abiding citizen. He needs help.

Perhaps a residential treatment facility or emotional growth boarding school.

[lizanne2]

Welcome. Please take care of yourself. I also did the short term medicine for myself surrounding my sons juvenile justice system experience. I am thankful that I did.

While escalating behavior and then police involvement is awful, this may be the way to secure more or better services. I can never tell what will or did have an impact on my gfg. This may help him now or eventually.

My son is dxed with ODD. I always forget that. You see it really doesn't help him or me. The next or resulting dxes always seemed to lead us to a better understanding and better treatment of what was going on.

Take care. Keep us posted.

[trinityroyal]

Hello Valentine,

I just wanted to add my welcome. Sorry that things are so rough with your older GFG right now. I agree with Busywend that this might be your golden opportunity to get crucial services in place for your GFG.

I would also suggest that you revisit the diagnosis of ODD. ODD is more of a description of behaviour than a true diagnosis, and it is often caused by an underlying condition that's not being treated effectively. Until you know what the underlying condition is and put the right interventions in place, it's hard to regulate the behaviour.

Have you read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene? Although your boys are a bit older, it's never too late to start putting the principles into practice. If you can de-escalate conflict in the house it's better for everyone concerned.

Has your GFG ever been seen by a NeuroPsychologist? I would recommend it as it can rule in or rule out some conditions that might have gone unrecognized from other evaluations.

Trinity

[TerryJ2]

Aw, Valentine, I am so sorry.

The best thing for your gfg right now is his psych eval. I hope they are competent and caring, and keep him for the max amt of time. I hate it when they throw you out after 24 hrs, because it doesn't really give them a chance to observe behaviors, and to see what kinds of effects the meds have.

I hope they prescribe some great meds that you son agrees to take (you may have to negotiate or withhold items like Xbox or whatever. Works for us! Although my son willingly takes his meds now.)

Please tell your 3-yr-old that his brother is sick, but instead of sick in his stomach, it's in his head, and he is in the hospital to get better. That is the truth.

Many hugs.

You've come to the right place.

[JJJ]

Hi again -- If he is in a psych hospital, push hard for them to do testing.

[hearts&roses]

Hi Valentine - it sounds like you sure have a lot going on. I hope that this event acts as a catalyst for changes with your son. At 14, it is difficult to make them take some meds, but perhaps getting him to take meds could be a way for him to earn back some freedoms and privileges.

As wiped out said, please be sure and take this time while he's out of the house to regenerate, rest and nurture yourself. It's okay to tell the little ones that their brother is not well. Mental illness is just like any other illness, such as asthma and diabetes.

Sending many gentle hugs your way~

[emotionallybankrupt]

Please tell your 3-yr-old that his brother is sick, but instead of sick in his stomach, it's in his head, and he is in the hospital to get better. That is the truth.

My earlier comment about referring to a "special school" rather than a "hospital" is because my younger child has unfortunately been conditioned to relate that word to death. Because her father died in a hospital, she makes this connection anytime anybody is in the hospital--especially if she cannot see the person for a while, as has been the case with gfg's hospitalizations.

This, in turn, connects to fears of "illnesses" that are more than short-term. My case is complicated due to my child's language impairments, but I'm not sure it's unusual for a young child to have negative feelings related to hospitals and uncertainties about "illnesses" that are difficult to explain in a concrete way. My thinking is that what I have needed to do in order to put explanations in terms my 6-8 year-old could understand in a non-threatening way could be very close to what would be needed for a typically developing 3-year-old. Abstract is just hard!

I'd just go with whatever you think will bring your child the least worry.

[TerryJ2]

EmotBank,
that reminds me ... both my kids went through stages when they didn't understand why people went to the hospital to give birth.
Then it did a 360, when my son wanted to know why Jesus wasn't born in a hospital, LOL!