Thanks for letting me join...

[TerryJ2]

Aw, Valentine, I am so sorry.

The best thing for your gfg right now is his psych eval. I hope they are competent and caring, and keep him for the max amt of time. I hate it when they throw you out after 24 hrs, because it doesn't really give them a chance to observe behaviors, and to see what kinds of effects the meds have.

I hope they prescribe some great meds that you son agrees to take (you may have to negotiate or withhold items like Xbox or whatever. Works for us! Although my son willingly takes his meds now.)

Please tell your 3-yr-old that his brother is sick, but instead of sick in his stomach, it's in his head, and he is in the hospital to get better. That is the truth.

Many hugs.

You've come to the right place.

[JJJ]

Hi again -- If he is in a psych hospital, push hard for them to do testing.

[hearts and roses]

Hi Valentine - it sounds like you sure have a lot going on. I hope that this event acts as a catalyst for changes with your son. At 14, it is difficult to make them take some meds, but perhaps getting him to take meds could be a way for him to earn back some freedoms and privileges.

As wiped out said, please be sure and take this time while he's out of the house to regenerate, rest and nurture yourself. It's okay to tell the little ones that their brother is not well. Mental illness is just like any other illness, such as asthma and diabetes.

Sending many gentle hugs your way~

[emotionallybankrupt]

Please tell your 3-yr-old that his brother is sick, but instead of sick in his stomach, it's in his head, and he is in the hospital to get better. That is the truth.

My earlier comment about referring to a "special school" rather than a "hospital" is because my younger child has unfortunately been conditioned to relate that word to death. Because her father died in a hospital, she makes this connection anytime anybody is in the hospital--especially if she cannot see the person for a while, as has been the case with gfg's hospitalizations.

This, in turn, connects to fears of "illnesses" that are more than short-term. My case is complicated due to my child's language impairments, but I'm not sure it's unusual for a young child to have negative feelings related to hospitals and uncertainties about "illnesses" that are difficult to explain in a concrete way. My thinking is that what I have needed to do in order to put explanations in terms my 6-8 year-old could understand in a non-threatening way could be very close to what would be needed for a typically developing 3-year-old. Abstract is just hard!

I'd just go with whatever you think will bring your child the least worry.

[TerryJ2]

EmotBank,
that reminds me ... both my kids went through stages when they didn't understand why people went to the hospital to give birth.
Then it did a 360, when my son wanted to know why Jesus wasn't born in a hospital, LOL!

[emotionallybankrupt]

Terry, it's funny that you would bring that up, because we're going through that stage as well. I've not been able to explain well enough why people go to a hospital for that, because she keeps asking again. I've learned that when I get the same question over and over, it's not from forgetting the answer or trying to annoy, but because she is really struggling to understand and can't. Frustrating!

Valentine, how are you doing, and how are the other children coping/understanding?

[Valentine]

We miss him VERY much and I am heartbroken.... I havent spoke to him since they took him and its pure torture.. We have a hearing on monday and I have no idea what to expect... Has anyone ever dealt with this and give me some ideas of what to expect?

[emotionallybankrupt]

What type of hearing?

Probably what caught me most by surprise at my gfg's first hearing was the sight of her coming through the door in the "uniform" and restraints. I'm not sure why I didn't expect that, but I guess I was just too upset by everything to think about it beforehand. Her restraints were removed after she entered the courtroom.

[Dammit Janet]

Juvenile court isnt the same as regular criminal court. It will be closed to the public so it will just be you, your son, the lawyer for the court and the judge...if this is actually in a courtroom. Now this could just be a hearing in an office. Sometimes they do a sort of interview with the offender, the parent, a court investigator (or some other name that I cant remember). Then they go and make recommendations to the court about charges and such. Then they ask the CHILD if they want a lawyer...at this point they will ask if you want to retain one or if you want a court appointed one. I always just got the court appointed one.

After they set a court date...and they never remanded my son into custody...he was let go into my care...we had to show up for court and my son met with his lawyer before court. I wasnt allowed in. I gave the lawyer, the DA, the judge, and anyone else involved copies of my parent report (directions in the FAQ section here) which everyone found very helpful.

[susiestar]

Welcome. I am sorry things have come to such a place where gfg drew the police with his behavior. It may be very good that he is on the police radar, esp if he starts to be violent at home. When one child is violent you must be super careful at home so that the other children are protected if he starts to hurt anyone.

I would start a safety plan for the other kids, even if he has never hurt anyone at home. Make sure one room has a sturdy door, a good lock and a telephone. All the other kids should go into that room, lock the door and wait for you to tell them to call 911. Just in case he really hurts you. Or you can go in there with them. Whatever works.

The safety plan should be practiced without your son being home. Tell the girls it is a game. The big reason for the safety plan is that the courts will want to know that you have a way to keep the other children safe if he gets violent at home. You may want to consider putting an alarm on his bedroom door so that if he gets up in the night you all know it. Battery alarms are easy to find and install. Try radio shack or walmart.

This will keep CPS from becoming a problem. They want to make sure that you take this seriously and have a plan to keep the other kids safe.

The courtroom will be private. It will have some extra people that you don't know, likely from CPS. Have a written copy of the safety plan to show if they ask how you intend to keep the other kids safe from him.

Do you intend to let him come home? It is something they will likely ask. If they don't, but you don't feel safe having him at home, then you must tell the judge this. Write out what you want to say. Not in paragraph form, more like bullets to let you tell the judge quickly and concisely what you want/need.

Are you afraid of your son? I was afraid of my when he was 14. He was very violent. Don't be ashamed if you are. Mental illness is scary.

The parent report is a great idea.

Glad you found us!