Well, THAT didn't work.

[StepTo2]

Don't know what to do with this kid, I swear.

Onyxx informed DH we had no right to go through her room. She will dress however she wants and we can't stop her. The rules are "retarded". She shouldn't have to be on house arrest. She only smoked pot "once" last month and she didn't think she would be tested... AND she didn't know when the test was.

We could have the rest of her clothes, because obviously we didn't care about her feelings. We threw out everything she's "comfortable" in. "We" shouldn't change everything on her. It was "our" fault she went to juvie.

This is after DH allowed her to call her two friends that actually CARE about her. Even though house arrest said no. She wanted to text the third - but after that hissy fit? Nope.

She made a complete mess of her clean room. I told her that she would need to clean it up during part of her calm time. This was after she begged me to call the PO and send her back because at least there she wasn't stressed out. Did get her talked down from that. However... Later she threw ANOTHER fit, AFTER I had gone to bed. Knew I wouldn't get much sleep. Complaining, crying, arguing, sounded like she was shoving furniture around in her room (probably was). Of course this raises my blood pressure b/c I'm waiting for the extreme blowup. At one point DH came in and asked what the police # was, he thought he was going to have to call the squad for transport. (Beating HARD on the walls of her room.)

Poor Jett - he did find an out though. Kids across the street have a pool! He was there for HOURS. I do NOT blame him.

DH and I - in between her hissies - were in our room talking quietly for about 3 minutes - she's managed to violate almost every behavior rule so far. No physical violence toward people - she knows that's a fast ticket to incarceration. But acknowledging us speakoing to her, being respectful, tantrums, whining and demands, respect for others' property, and refusal to comply - Gone. She had no privileges to begin with due to house arrest - now she's on the brink of really screwing herself up.

Oh yeah - she would be "better off" on her own. She could get a part time job, pay for her own apartment, get her own things, and she'd be fine.

...I wonder if she has any CLUE how expensive even ONE person is! Part time. Uh huh. She's not even old enough yet to GET a job. Wow.

I'm stuck between disappointment, anger and total disbelief...

[GoingNorth]

So, what are the consequences for all this flaunting of the rules?

[mstang67chic]

I know I don't have to tell you this but stick with it. Past history has shown her that if she pitches a big enough fit, her Daddy will cave and she'll get her stuff back or be able to do things she wants to do. It's not going to be easy, it's not going to be fun but stick with it. If she continues to act this way, video tape it, tape record it (whatever) and present it to the PO. She wants to go back to juvie? Okey dokey pokey. Keep acting the way she is and she will get her wish.

Also, I have some comments on HER comments:

It's YOUR house, you can look anywhere you want.

She doesn't have to LIKE the rules, she just has to FOLLOW them.


She put HERSELF on house arrest with her behavior. AND it wasn't up to you, it was the PROBATION OFFICER who did it.

Doesn't matter how many times she did or didn't smoke pot. She did it and it's ILLEGAL. She was TOLD there would be drug testing and as for not knowing when...that's the point. Don't do what you're not supposed to do and you won't have anything to worry about.

And...tell Dh to keep at it too. He may think she hates him and she may very well hate him when he acts like the parent BUT....that just means he's doing something right. Besides, he's not being abusive, he's trying to get his little girl straightened out. I was serious about being his sponsor if he wants. All he (or you) have to do is call!

Hugs!

[ThreeShadows]

Daddy already caved in by allowing her to make those two phone calls.

Step, I hope I'm wrong, but this is how gfg2 behaved before he ran away from home. Please start making a list of all the phone numbers of her friends. You would be surprised how many "friends" would be willing to hide her from her "terrible parents"!

Hugs to you and your family.

[StepTo2]

Consequences are... As we told her during the family rules meeting... 1) loss of privileges gained (well gee she had none); 2) call to PO; and 3) loss of items. I'm done.

And, stang - DH is actually standing firm - I have told him about ten times in the last 15 hours how proud I am! How much I appreciate it. He KNOWS he's right.

(That's another thing. Someone refuses to argue? "Yeah you won't argue because you know I'm right." My response? "OK, if you believe that, you believe that. I can't change your mind." She expected me to argue "No you're not"... Threw her off.)

Apparently also her appearance has nothing to do with it. LOL - yeah, image means nothing... Hmm.

She didn't argue when she was told to take out the piercings... Just did it.

3S - yes, and I had an issue with that. However that's basket C for me.

We do keep lists of ALL the numbers she calls. Nice thing about the house phone being part of the internet package - we can do that - plus other calls are on DH's cell or mine (rarely do I let her touch mine). But thanks for the reminder!!!

Update - DH made her get up and start working on the leaves on the front porch - the nasty, wet ones... THAT should be interesting.

[CrazyinVA]

I wouldn't say it didn't "work." She's not going to miraculously follow the rules immediately. She's going to rebel, big time. And you've just got to stick to your guns, and make sure she knows what the consequences are for NOT following the rules, and then stick to them.

Rules/consequqences are just the "do to get" scenario from another angle.... if you do x (i.e., break this rule), you get y (consequence). It's very, very exhausting, and takes lots of practice, but the best way to respond to her tirades is dispassionately .. as a police officer would... shrug your shoulders and say, ok, you broke the rule, here's your consequence. No skin off my back, you knew the deal. Don't engage in a discussion about why the rule isn't "retarded," or why she should follow them .... just dole out the consequence for each infraction. And vent here all you need to

Hang tough. Hugs.

[StepTo2]

Crazy - thanks. Now I KNOW I'm doing it the right way!!! She tried to argue with me - mentioned in another thread that I found MY black tank tops. Well, she SWORE she didn't have them at any time. Looked at her and calmly said, "Well, I didn't put them in your clothes hamper, they were in there already, and they were ripped up. So you lost them. Shouldn't matter if you never had them, right?" And walked away. Absolute silence. Then the "you don't understand!" started. My response? "No, I don't. But I am an adult and you are not, and you live in MY house." From a different room.

So far I've managed to keep from blowing up at her. Not sure how long this will last...

Actually what I meant wasn't the rules! It was her receiving a legal consequence (6 days in juvie) for her actions. She's worse now. I swear.

[JJJ]

Wow, I think Kanga and Onyxx were seperated at birth. Stay strong - whether or not SHE gets better, you have shown her, DH and most importantly Jett - that people are not allowed to treat you like that!

[StepTo2]

Thanks... Actually... A few of your posts about Kanga... I was wondering.

[KTMom91]

Sounds familiar...stay strong!