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Thread: Who is this child, she can't be my DD

  1. #1
    Wise Warrior
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    Who is this child, she can't be my DD

    I'm not even sure where to begin....

    We thought the suicide attempt and the drug addiction were bad, now we are finding out more stuff. She's been lying, and manipulating people. She's been causing hate and discontent through-out the family. She's been a puppet-master in how things have been going.

    Last summer, GFG1 called DH saying that his Sis had called because I was beating her. When you talked with Sis (gfg2), she hasn't a clue and is actually very upset about such a hurtful thing happening. (She's going to win an Academy Award someday)... we Believed GFG2....GFG1 stopped talking to us since we wouldn't believe him.

    Well, since GFG2 has been in treatment, GFG2 has been visiting every weekend. He's getting his act together. He could easily move up to PC level soon... anyways, since things were going good between us, he let us listen to some of the voice mails from his Sis....not good.

    Okay, so now DH and I are filled with guilt for not believing GFG1 and guilt for believing GFG2. What a mess.

    And in less than 24 hours we get to pick up GFG2 and bring her home. When we talked to her on Saturday, her mood was bad enough that we know it won't be a fun trip.

    But what really gets me is that I think there is a lot more going on with GFG2 besides BP and drugs. I'm actually wondering if there isn't some type of personality disorder? She's suicidal, she's become a cutter, her has a hair-trigger temper....

    Any advice on how to deal with this?
    Me - 47
    DH - 42
    GFG-Steph - 19 (step-daughter)Bipolar, possible personality disorder. Living on her own.
    GFG-Ant - 20, ODD(step-son) living on the streets/couch surfing
    PC1 - 21 (bi-son) away at college
    2 dogs - Annie - 11 (black lab) and Daisy -11(lab/pitbull mix)

  2. #2
    CD Hall of Fame MidwestMom's Avatar
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    Re: Who is this child, she can't be my DD

    If she is using drugs, that's probably why she is doing the other stuff too. Also may be why she has a bp diagnosis--it's hard to diagnose a child who is on drugs. That changes your personality completely. Cutting/suicide/hair-trigger-temper---sounds familiar. Reminds me of my daughter on meth or cocaine.

    IMO it's a more serious drug problem than you think and you won't know if anything else is going on until she stops. We usually only know the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how much our kids abuse drugs. They certainly don't tell us the truth, and we don't want to think the worst.
    Me, over 21, mood disorder spectrum/BPD--doing well (paroxotene,clonazapan)
    Hub over 21, good hub, great father
    SportsFan#1 33 severe anxiety/OCD, Xanax, CR
    PastryChef#26 ex-drug addict, turned her life around, bought home with bf, good job
    Sonic 18 ASD, adopted at age 2, super kid, needs ongoing life assitance
    Jumper 15, ADD, struggles with school work, great athlete, great kid
    Dogs: Cockapoo, Cocker, Lab mix, Shichi
    three cats

  3. #3
    I love my Scrappy! busywend's Avatar
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    Re: Who is this child, she can't be my DD

    I think you should let the treatment center hear the voice mails. It might tell them something.

    Maybe another evaluation. Sometimes if all the facts are not clear the dx is wrong.
    Me-42 Newlywed! - Moderator in General Forum
    DH - Married 9/11/10! Been together for 8 years
    Ex-GFG - 19 y o - dx effective 1/14/04 - ADHD, Tourettes, OCD - starting Adderall XR - IEP 2/26/04. Lived with biodad for one year. With me full time now. Graduated 6/26/09! Working! Living on her own!
    Scrappy - the cutest kitty in the world. He fetches!
    Harpo - boy kitty - total snuggler!
    Bella - girl - GFG kitty! Hyper!

  4. #4
    Warrior Parent
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    Re: Who is this child, she can't be my DD

    Get supports for you and for her. I am dealing with similar situation. DD has been in treatment since Feb. 3. Boundariea,boundaries, boundaries.
    Today, I am taking her to one of last neuropysch appts. and her last community service and family therapy. It is very imlportant to put as much on HER as possible , to practice detachment and boudaries. Compassion
    Compassion 58, Warrior Mom
    dh 63
    gfg dd 18 bipolar I (Abilify 30;topamax 100; lexapro 10, ambian 10 borderline traits, alcohol and substance abuser,learning disabilities, adopted at birth. Inpatient Aug. '08 and Feb. 3, 2009- May 15, 2009 and May /Nov. 2011 getting more stable ; not lived at home since 6/2008
    ds 21 ADHD inattentive, mild no meds, LD processing speed, math ; substance abuser; adopted at birth
    gfg 36 ds contact him by E-Mail monthly last heard from him summer 2006

  5. #5
    learning the ropes
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
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    Lucedale, MS
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    Re: Who is this child, she can't be my DD

    Based on what my husband was told at the camp, the cutting is caused because she has something to deal with that a therapist needs to digg out if she herself dont open up.

    The drugs is a tool to overcome unsecurity and in some case a stronger method to avoid dealing with her problems. The cutting is not enough. She may act as she is tough, but she is hurting and the trick of crying fire in the direction of a sibling is a very good way of turning your attention away from problems she is not ready to deal with.

    The temper is the drugs.

    Right now I am thinking of buying an adult diaper. We are all going to a rope course in the weekend and I dont like heights, but our daughter needs to know that she is capable of much more than she believes. In our family we have not seen drugs yet and the cutting is not going on very often. It can go both ways and we have to expose our selves as family to some extreme activities regardless of how scared I am, so she can see that we are ready to change.
    Me, 40, hardworking housewife, loves gardening
    DH, 49 truck driver, only home one or twice per month
    GFG 16 girl, pushing boarders, attends school when in mood - trying to be PC since her Michigan trip

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