I don't think I can take any more

flutterby · #1 11-14-2009, 08:08 PM

I've hit my limit. I honestly don't think I can take any more.

The stress is too much. Ironically, GFG2 hasn't been the cause of much stress. He's been quite calm and doing what he's supposed to, except that I always have to make sure to remind him of his meds, etc.

It's not any one thing. It's everything. PC and the money thing. PC and the depression thing. GFG. Well, that sums her up. The latest 'event' (see post on General) was the proverbial straw. And GFG2 to a small extent. Or maybe I'm downplaying that because I really believe that being here is good for him. I don't know.

GFG2 went home for the weekend, and PC and GF went to my mom's. GFG was supposed to go to GFG2's for the weekend, but she didn't. And as arrogant as this might seem, I can't help but think that it's because I wanted her to go.

My Klonopin prescription usually lasts 6 months (it's written for 3 months). This time it lasted not quite 4. And I'm out. And I need one. I was going to try to wait until the middle of next month to get it filled, but I can't. I'll call on Monday. If I survive until then.

I've noticed some depression lately. I've been ignoring it, hoping it would go away. I think I'm going to have to increase my lamictal. Should I do a 25mg or 50mg increase? I only take 100mg now.

I don't think I can take one more thing. I really don't.

Daisylover · #2 11-14-2009, 08:53 PM

((hugs))

These things tend to come in waves. And it doesn't always take much to make you feel like you're drowning. Maybe a med increase is needed like you said. But I'd ask the doc what they recommend as far as going up. You've been on this dose for quite a while, haven't you? I wouldn't be surprised if you're ready for an increase.

I've found living with teens only intesifies that drowning effect thingie.

klmno · #3 11-14-2009, 10:51 PM

I'm sorry to hear that this is all piling up and getting you down again. I remember reading some time ago that you were really feeling depressed. I'm glad you are trying to head that off this time so it won't get that bad again. Monday isn't that far away- do what you have to do to maintain- the kids will survive.

smallworld · #4 11-15-2009, 04:23 AM

Heather, aren't you sensitive to meds? You might ultimately need a 50 mg increase, but I'd recommend going up in 25 mg increments every 2 weeks. Lamictal can be quite activating and side effects can include headache, dizziness and insomnia.

Big Bad Kitty · #5 11-15-2009, 05:22 AM

Been thinking about you. Wish there was more I could do than to send "hugs"...

ML · #6 11-15-2009, 07:53 AM

I know exactly how you feel only I'm not dealing with half of what you are. My depression is back as well and it's so awful. I'm really sorry for all what you are going through. I care that you feel bad and I'm here if you need to talk. Hugs, ML

Wiped Out · #7 11-15-2009, 01:27 PM

Heather,
You are dealing with so much it is incredible. Definitely time to find a way to take care of you. Sending some cyber chocolate and flower to help you get through til Monday. Hugs

flutterby · #8 11-15-2009, 08:28 PM

Thank you everyone.

SW - Yes, I am sensitive to meds. I was thinking I should increase slowly, too.

GFG2 is apparently causing more stress than I thought. As soon as he got back tonight, I felt myself becoming more and more tense. Even though he's doing well, there's always so much drama. I'm really thinking about making him go home. I'm going to wait to see how I feel in a couple weeks after a med tweak.

I really needed a break this weekend. GFG2, PC and GF were gone, but GFG was still here. I'm really at my breaking point. My stress and anxiety levels are through the roof.

I got really angry at GFG2 because I went to the bathroom and when I came back into the living room, football was on. I was watching a show and had paused it. I don't know how he didn't see that and just changed the channel. And I know it's a small thing, but damn it, nothing is sacred around here. GFG was doing her makeup work at my desk. She went to bed and there is a huge mess all over and around my desk. I just want some things of mine to not be touched by the kids.

I don't even want the animals around me. Ugh.

I'm going to go talk to GFG2 right now and let him know that if he wants to stay here, the drama needs to stop. Now.

TPaul · #9 11-16-2009, 05:14 AM

There are days that I too feel so overwhelmed almost to the breaking point! I feel that if one more thing is added to the stress that I will just crumble and fall into a million pieces.

Flutter, make sure you do call the doctor and get the meds and maybe the increase. Don't put it off, it could help a lot with the stress. Here is a hug and gentle push to the phone,

tpaul

crazymama30 · #10 11-16-2009, 05:45 AM

Hugs. Sometimes, with me anyways, when the stress has been constant and looming for so long it is the little things that set me off. Don't know why, but it happens.

Do what you need to do to take care of you, and we are here for you.

timer lady · #11 11-16-2009, 06:27 AM

Heather, there are days, weeks, months that you think you will totally crack. Somehow you still pull through & this tells me of your level of strength in the face of incredible stress.

Take it one day at a time; manage your pain & your fatigue - put that first. The other issues will be there tomorrow. You have to take care of you.

GFG2 can go back & live with his mother - he can hang around but IMHO you don't need a 2nd GFG in your home.

Take care, lady.

Dammit Janet · #12 11-16-2009, 08:53 AM

And that dear one is why I have a TV in my room! I watch what I want to watch in my own room. Everyone thinks Im antisocial but so be it.

KTMom91 · #13 11-16-2009, 11:57 AM

I wish I knew how to help. Sending hugs and peaceful quiet.

flutterby · #14 11-16-2009, 07:50 PM

We upped my Lamictal to 150mg, increasing by 25mg every 2 weeks. I also got a refill on Klonopin. I'm running a low grade fever (99.9 - cold/flu symptoms gone) which I tend to do frequently, so that's probably not helping my overall mood either. Oh, and I also found out that my ears aren't draining - no ear infection. I have "exzema changes" in my outer ear. Well, isn't that just gross. I didn't know that could happen.

I am bone weary exhausted.

I only got about 3 hours sleep last night because of the restless leg/body thing that has been activated by all of the stress and anxiety. PC has what we thought was pink eye. GP was running behind, so I didn't leave her office until after 4pm for my 2:45pm appointment. PC had his appointment at 4:30. At 5:15pm he calls me to see if the eye doctor is open. They close at 5pm. Apparently, he doesn't have pink eye. He has something on his eye and the GP couldn't remove it. Eye doctor doesn't have an after hours answering machine or service. GP said it could wait until tomorrow.

Then PC calls me in a panic. GF's (or I guess I should know say DF...yes, DF) car broke down in the middle of the highway - it's a standard and it wouldn't go into gear. It started acting up about 2 miles prior and they were trying to nurse it home. They got into the middle turn lane, but it's a busy turn lane in that spot, with heavy traffic in both directions. He was only about 2 minutes from home.

I race over there and he and DF are sitting in the car. Do you think anyone offered to help them or see if they were ok? Nope. They all sat behind them blaring their horns. I guess they don't know what hazard lights mean. The kids were scared to death. They do now know to not sit in a car in that situation. I am so thankful they weren't hit.

I call the police to get a cruiser over, get the kids out of the car and dart across the highway to the gas station to wait. As GF and I are trying to cross the road when there was a break in traffic, this older gentleman laid down on his horn and was gesturing. I guess that 5 second wait was going to kill him or make him horribly late or something. I flipped him off and yelled a not very nice name that begins with the letter A. Loudly. It was NOT the right day to tee me off. (And, yes, I know that doesn't make me any better than him, but I can't bring myself to care right now.)

Towing company said they didn't have a truck in town and they didn't have any numbers for other towing companies. Real jerk. Like I have a phone book with me while I'm standing on the side of a major freaking highway. That's a towing company we won't be using again and, lately, they've gotten a decent amount of business from us...unfortunately.

Cop finally shows up and the stupid people are still lining up in the turn lane behind the cruiser. You know, the one with the really bright, flashing lights.

Gee. Do I seem cranky to you?

Police Dispatch called a tow truck and the car is at the dealership. Thankfully, we have towing coverage on our insurance and PC bought an extended warranty on the car when he bought it. And if the work is done at that dealership - which it will be - there is no deductible. Thankfully. And, thankfully, this was not a cop that GFG2 has had a run in with. What a thing to have to think about. I don't think there are many that he hasn't met.

And then....oh no, that's not it...PC left his prescription in the broken down car. That's been towed to the dealership. With the prescription for antibiotic eye drops in it.

Sigh.......................

flutterby · #15 11-16-2009, 08:02 PM

Oh, geez....I'm awful.

Thank you everyone for your support. You lifted me up when I really needed it. Thank you for being there (here).

crazymama30 · #16 11-16-2009, 08:06 PM

Hun, you are not awful, you are ticked off, tired, emotionally weary, and stressed.

Takes one to know one huh?