1:1 Crisis counselor in crisis!!!!! UPDATE

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LittleDudesMom, Sep 24, 2007.

  1. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Morning All,

    You all know that difficult child has had a 1:1 the last two years. It has been a tremendous help for all - him, teachers, administrators, me.

    So the first year he had a great one who moved on to a higher position within the company (our school districts contracts with a local company who provide 1:1s, day treatment, parenting classes, and more). Last year his 1:1 was a little hit or miss, but difficult child liked him and a behavioral 1:1 is a lot about the student's trust and relationship with the 1:1.

    So, this year we had to get a new one because the last year one had done some things that caused by the instructional support person at the 1:1 company and me to make a change. He started the year with a young woman/girl as a sub. She was very nice and difficult child seemed to like her. Fast forward to last week, the third week of school.

    I get a call on Tuesday from the 1:1. difficult child is not cooperating in teen living and doesn't want to complete his worksheet. What the heck does she expect me to do? That's why she is there and that's why there is a teacher in the room. I don't want to be called every time difficult child has an issue! I make some suggestions based on past experience and told her sometimes he needs to just take a five minute walk and get away from the issue. Once he "chills" he usually goes back to compliance.

    So difficult child tells me on Tuesday that he was working on this paper that asked him some hard questions like "what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?" and "what is your greatest accomplishment?" He said he was having trouble coming up wiht some answers and she said "Oh, you big baby."

    So, that is what made him frustrated. But, they made in through the rest of the day without incident.

    So Thursday I get a call from the nurses office at his school that he's there with a tummy ache. So I speak to difficult child later and he said she (his 1:1) was bugging him about finishing his math. He was getting more and more frustrated. He said that he didn't want to get angry so he went to the nurses office to calm down. Which was actually one of the "safe" places listed in his BIP.

    So, he and I have two long conversations about it this weekend so I can garner some additional information. So last night he begins to get really sad as we are talking. He said that he was in Teen Living on Friday and they were watching a movie about bullying. He was doodling on a paper and she came up and said "you are not supposed to be drawing!", took his paper, balled it up and threw it away. He said "You know mom I can listen when I'm drawing. At least I wasn't sleeping like a couple other kids who had there heads down on their desks!" I'm thinking to myself "Geeze, there would have been a better way to handle that situation without setting him off."

    Then he goes on to say that she is ruining his reputation at this new school and he was doing so good. His teachers are going to think he's bad. I asked him what he meant by that and he said that she took him out in the hall during that math situation to calm him down and the ISS guy walked by (who walks the halls when he doesn't have someone in the ISS room). He asked her if everything was ok and she said "Oh, he's just having one of his famous hissy fits."

    difficult child said now that flat hair guy thinks he's bad!

    Does anyone else believe these are not appropriate reactions/behaviors for a 1:1? She told me the other day that she works three jobs. She leaves difficult child and goes to a retirement home and works through dinner, then goes to a small group home for teenage girls and is a crisis counselor on hand over night. Basically, she works 24 hours a day! Perhaps she is not at her best once she gets to difficult child. Maybe that is why she was hired as a sub.

    I've called the company this morning, leaving a message that we have to talk about difficult child's 1:1. I just feel she is handling difficult child in a way that is kinda setting him off. I don't negate his part in these issues and we've talked about that as well. But I think she needs to go, NOW.

    Sorry this was so long, you know how important it is to vent those who understand!

  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    She's definitely not being professional. I'd be spitting tacks.
    I understand that she works 3 jobs and is getting short tempered but she's supposed to be the adult and the role model. She needs to work at McDonald's if she needs a 3rd job.
    I'd arrange a mtng with-her and the principal. ASAP.
  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I think I would be pretty angry. Telling difficult child that he is a baby. OMG I think if someone did that to me now I would blow. Not to mention the hissy fit comment. I think it is good he is talking to you about it. That seems a very big positive. I would get a change. Three stressful jobs seems a bit much for one person.

    Good Luck

  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    She sounds to me more like an untrained babysitter as opposed to a trained aide who has experience in working with difficult child's.

    I'd be inquiring as to both training and experience and suggesting that she read TEC. Might be worth contacting the regular teachers of the classes where most of the problems occur since technically they oversee the aides and are ultimately responsible for the child.
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It sounds to me like you should be proud of difficult child for telling you about it and choosing to go to the nurse's office to calm down. I'd get a new 1:1 immediately.
  6. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    It sounds like she is making the situation worse than it would be. I would ask for someone different. I wouldn't want my difficult child to be the one she trained on. Her comments suggest she has a long ways to go as far as understanding a difficult child.
  7. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    Don't these 1:1 people read the kids file or listen to anything about the child? My ducky needs to be heard even if he is in the wrong. If you don't give him a chance to explain himself he gets angry and throws stuff.

    These difficult child's handle things so differently that it is hard to imagine a 1:1 counselor wouldn't know how to avoid situations or to address things more appropriately.

    Congrats on your son becoming the bigger person and knowing he needed to calm down in the nurses office.

    Does this lady have any educational background? It sure sounds like she was acting inappropriately and unprofessionally. I can only imagine how bad your difficult child must feel to be humiliated at school. I am so sorry.
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I agree, a new 1:1 is in need ASAP.

    Go :warrior:
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, it's 11:30 and I haven't gotten a call back yet. She does have a cell number for emergencies. I believe this may be one since she will need to have time to get someone in place for tomorrow. Even if it's another sub. I will definately ask her about the training involved.

    I told difficult child to not give his 1:1 any amunition today. I told him to just do his "job" so he didn't have to deal with her. I told him to be respectful but not give her a reason to intervien.

    I'll update as soon as I hear something. Thanks so much for the validation and the support - it means the world!!

  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It really sounds like she is just too young for the job. Anyone who would embarass or try to humiliate another person like she has your son should not be working with children, let alone children in crisis or need. I hate to imagine what she is doing and saying to the girls in the group home.

    I'm so glad you called and hope you get someone good for your son soon.
  11. hopefloats

    hopefloats New Member

    Hi, I'm new here and just starting out but I had to say that I was outraged to hear that an aid would talk to any student that way. What does she expect him to do if she's putting him down or speaking in a negative way. Smile and say thank you? UGH!! But I have to say KUDOS to you son!!
  12. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So, I get a call from the 1:1 company and explain. She is in total agreement that this 1:1 was inappropriate. She asked if I had spoken to anyone in the school administration yet. I told her that since I knew her, I called her first. She said she was going to call Mr. Principal and would get back to me.

    She called about 10 minutes later and said that she left a message for Mr. Principal and if she didn't hear back, she would go there tomorrow morning and speak to him face to face.

    About 2 minutes later, I get a call from Mr. Principal. He said that he got a message about there being a problem with difficult child's 1:1 and wanted to know what was going on. I explain. He was outraged! He said "If they don't have, at the very least, a good sub in place for difficult child tomorrow, I will contract with another firm and find a 1:1 for difficult child!" I thanked him for his quick action and looking out for the kids. He said that exprincipal of difficult child's middle school told him the last three times he saw him that he was to take care of me and difficult child (they are good friends - one of the reasons exprincipal recommended this out of zone middle school_!! I told him I would hold him to it!

    He then called back about ten minutes later and said he spoke with difficult child's case manager and the teahers would be made aware so that difficult child felt supported by his team. He also said that he would speak to difficult child before the end of school and let him know his office was always open. If at any time he felt angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed, he could come to Mr. Principal's office and talk to him or just sit until he was ready to go back to class. Again I thanked him.

    difficult child came out smiling today.

    It's good to know, right here at the beginning of the year, that I have support in my quest to help difficult child.

    Thanks for all your words of encouragement.

  13. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    What a great outcome, Sharon. Go Warrior Mom! :warrior: :fan:
  14. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    I am glad that the school is behind you and putting your sons needs as a priority. I hope your son continues to have better days now.

    I hope this goes in the 1:1's file. It is frustrating to know she works at a girls home. Some of those kids are suicidal..can you imagine setting one of them off? I truly hope she gets educated on how to handle situations with difficult child's in the future if she still has her job.
  15. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Way To Go warrior mom!!! Isn't it nice to be heard AND have someone doing something to fix the situation?? Aly's school this year is being remarkable with her. Can't quite find the perfect fit but they are constantly calling me to update me on what they are trying and how it is going. LOVE IT! Communication, it is a GREAT thing!!

  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    :fan: It is nice your difficult child has a team in place! Must make him feel good!
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  18. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    Wow !! What quick action--I'm totally impressed. Good for difficult child for communicating all of this information to you and for staying calm. I sure hope the next 1:1 is able to do the job.
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry difficult child was treated so inappropriately. Stuff like this just burns me up. I'm glad you received a quick and appropriate response. This principal sounds like a keeper! :thumbsup: