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1 month into detaching...
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<blockquote data-quote="Drowninginthis" data-source="post: 678674" data-attributes="member: 19970"><p>Recap...after 7 years of verbal abuse from my grown son (adopted at 16) who I have done all that I can for, I decided he can no longer be in my life because he just can't/won't stop. </p><p></p><p>Its been about 5 weeks since I have spoken/seen him. I have spoken to his girlfriend re: him, but keep that minimal as I can. Poor girl. Mind you, we are 8 hours away from him wintering in Fl and will be going back in 4 weeks. I feel the anxiety as I type that. I gave him a loan in Nov. for a car ..because he killed the last one we gave him and he lost his job in Sept. I only did it because he said he had a job waiting for him, but they needed him to have a car. That never happened, but he did get a car. Duped again!! Shame on me!!</p><p></p><p>I have taken steps towards my detaching. I mailed him an invoice of what he owes me + interest as we have discussed. I have indicated in the letter I will be taking his taxes as part of repay and send me w2's. </p><p></p><p>He also has a few of our larger items that I want back and will pick up without him being there. Eliminating all hooks he has into me. I was going to write him a letter about not being able to see him, but decided not to engage because that just brings me back in. He will figure it out and after the things he said to me at Xmas, there is no doubt why. He still is unemployed/ not really looking for job. Has girlfriend who works part time supporting him and bills. </p><p></p><p>I know returning home will bring more issues between my husband and I as he can't deal with conflict, enables, and pretends these things don't happen. I will be telling him I don't want my son at the house and he can go have lunch with him if he wants which will give him conflict and he will try to talk me down. I am NOT backing down nor am I giving my son 1 cent. </p><p></p><p>I am repeating this...I am NOT backing down</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Drowninginthis, post: 678674, member: 19970"] Recap...after 7 years of verbal abuse from my grown son (adopted at 16) who I have done all that I can for, I decided he can no longer be in my life because he just can't/won't stop. Its been about 5 weeks since I have spoken/seen him. I have spoken to his girlfriend re: him, but keep that minimal as I can. Poor girl. Mind you, we are 8 hours away from him wintering in Fl and will be going back in 4 weeks. I feel the anxiety as I type that. I gave him a loan in Nov. for a car ..because he killed the last one we gave him and he lost his job in Sept. I only did it because he said he had a job waiting for him, but they needed him to have a car. That never happened, but he did get a car. Duped again!! Shame on me!! I have taken steps towards my detaching. I mailed him an invoice of what he owes me + interest as we have discussed. I have indicated in the letter I will be taking his taxes as part of repay and send me w2's. He also has a few of our larger items that I want back and will pick up without him being there. Eliminating all hooks he has into me. I was going to write him a letter about not being able to see him, but decided not to engage because that just brings me back in. He will figure it out and after the things he said to me at Xmas, there is no doubt why. He still is unemployed/ not really looking for job. Has girlfriend who works part time supporting him and bills. I know returning home will bring more issues between my husband and I as he can't deal with conflict, enables, and pretends these things don't happen. I will be telling him I don't want my son at the house and he can go have lunch with him if he wants which will give him conflict and he will try to talk me down. I am NOT backing down nor am I giving my son 1 cent. I am repeating this...I am NOT backing down [/QUOTE]
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