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Parent Emeritus
10 Days Since I Kicked him out - so far so good.
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 664507" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>In thinking about this I also think it is hard to "get" how we love our kids differently than they love us from our difficult children. At least in my case my relationship with my son was so loaded, so difficult for so long that it was really hard to keep in perspective because so much of it just hurt and he could be so nasty and unloving.</p><p></p><p>What helped me get clear about it was my easy child. My daughter and I have a very good, open and close relationshp and did even through her teen years. She is now 20 and in college. BUT I have realized she does not think about me as much a I think about her... she is not nearly as interested in my life as I am in hers.... our relationship really revolves around her needs not mine. When I started thinking about this I realized the same was true of me and my mom, whom I was very clase to. Our relationship did not become more equal until I was in my 20s and my parents got divorced and then my mom needed me in a way she hadnt before and that changed our relationship and then in addition to being mother and daughter we were very close friends. I see that happening at some point with my daughter but not for a while.... I think it is a natural progression as you let go, they live their own lives, make their own mistakes etc.</p><p></p><p>And currently with my son we are building a closer relationship but it is tenuous and a lot will depend on how he does with his recovery. I know full well that if he relapses things will be tough between us again.... although at this point I am keeping my mouth shut!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 664507, member: 15801"] In thinking about this I also think it is hard to "get" how we love our kids differently than they love us from our difficult children. At least in my case my relationship with my son was so loaded, so difficult for so long that it was really hard to keep in perspective because so much of it just hurt and he could be so nasty and unloving. What helped me get clear about it was my easy child. My daughter and I have a very good, open and close relationshp and did even through her teen years. She is now 20 and in college. BUT I have realized she does not think about me as much a I think about her... she is not nearly as interested in my life as I am in hers.... our relationship really revolves around her needs not mine. When I started thinking about this I realized the same was true of me and my mom, whom I was very clase to. Our relationship did not become more equal until I was in my 20s and my parents got divorced and then my mom needed me in a way she hadnt before and that changed our relationship and then in addition to being mother and daughter we were very close friends. I see that happening at some point with my daughter but not for a while.... I think it is a natural progression as you let go, they live their own lives, make their own mistakes etc. And currently with my son we are building a closer relationship but it is tenuous and a lot will depend on how he does with his recovery. I know full well that if he relapses things will be tough between us again.... although at this point I am keeping my mouth shut! [/QUOTE]
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