.....that has managed to keep my marriage in tact and my wife (hopefully) on the road to detachment. Right now our son is living in Miami over 1000 miles away from us. I am so happy to see him gone and I really think this is the only way he stands a chance of making it on his own. Things got so bad at one point that I gave my wife an ultimatium-learn what detachment is and practice it right away or I will file for divorce. That was cause for some tense times, and at one point my wife actually told me that she thought we should split up. Finally she seemed to come to her senses and decide her marriage was more important. But when push comes to shove (he shows up on our doorstep cold, hungry, and homeless), history has shown her to always cave in. When he first left, she cried every day for weeks. This drove me nuts, but eventually she started to get over it. With time, and most importantly distance, I really believe she is starting to see the situation for what it is. She has acknowledged that her son is indeed a grown man and that there is no longer anything that she could or more importantly, should do for him. He needs to learn to swim, or sink, all on his own. With the distance between us, there is no more mommy coming to his immediate resuce. He will need to sort out his day to day problems on his own. I also think for my wife, there is a definite aspect of out of sight, out of mind. When he was around here, she was constantly worrying if he was okay. There were even times when she would drive around looking for him if she hadn't heard from him in a few days and he wasn't answering his phone. I also think that now that she is no longer in the middle of the drama, she is more open to listening to advice on how to handle him. For now he is sleeping on a friends couch. He has managed to secure a job as a bus boy at a restaurant in MIami Beach right on the water. He also claims that he has kicked heroin. He says he is saving up money to get an apartment on his own. For the holidays we decided that it was too soon for him to come here and we weren't paying anyway. Honestly, the holidays were very happy without him and his drama. For Christmas we actually ditched the entire family thing and it was just the two of us. Best Christmas in a long time, epecially after the Christmas we had last year.