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General Parenting
13 year old son with repeat behavior issues at school
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 706751" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Susie and I have had similar autistic kids and I urge you to value her wisdom. It is a real pain in the backside to try to get schools to even acknowledge let alone help kids with differences that look like willful misbehavior but are actually caused by invisable neurological glitches. I had a teacher tell me to get my kid on Ritalin...he had ADHD (he did not) and she was sure of it.</p><p></p><p>I.had learning problems myself years ago and the teachers picked on me so I was very certain to make sure no teacher picked on my kids. I asked her when she got her psychiatric degree and she sputtered thatbshes been a teacher for twelve years so she can just tell. I told her that is not true...she was in no position to diagnose and order medication and that Is report her if she diagnosed my son agsin.byears later it was my pleasure to show her the Neuro psycologist report that said pervasive development disorder NOD. She turned white and shrugged.</p><p></p><p>Another bad experience was when I first took my son to meet his Special Education teacher. I learned to love her, but the first thing she said when I told her he had Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified was "He has what?" I.told her and she admitted she was not trained in autism but she was willing to learn so we worked as a team. She made a huge difference in his life, positive in academics to socializing. I loved her. But I had to speak up. Don't assume teachers know what they are doing with differently wired kids. They are educators, mot diagnosticians. You may have to help them and that's okay. I suggest public school. My son was both able to get help yet socialize with kids who were not different.</p><p></p><p>His school was full of kids that were the normal mean to each other bit because they had been interacting with various levels of special rd kids since kindergarten, theybwerrbkind to them. My son is very high functioning. He sat at a lunch table with some Special Education kids plus some Neuro typical kids, most of them the brilliant "geek" kids. My son had wonderful self esteem. Still does.</p><p></p><p>I'm high school he was mainstreamed with an IEP and did well and the school helped him get adult services. He is living a good life and does not identify himself by his autism. His school and our being proactive helped him. This little public school was amazing. Not sll are.</p><p></p><p>Don't let educators scare you. The educators at this school don't seem to be kind of even to.understand what they say their school is about. Take him out of there. Look at schools. Find one you know will meet your sons needs kindly.</p><p></p><p>Call your State Department of Public Education. Ask for the special needs advisor. He will give you the name of a school advocate. It costs nothing. The advocate will stand beside you as you fight for your son and make sure your school district has the facilities to help your son. If it doesn't, the advocate will make sure your district pays for an appropriate school...plus transportation. Court is an option if they refuse.</p><p></p><p>My son went to a nearby school on the dime of our district because they had no Special Education. They paid for cabs to take him back and forth. To their extreme credit, they did not fight us. .This cooperation doesn't always happen.</p><p></p><p>Now? My son is an angel from Heaven. Happy, loving, well liked, works two part time jobs, and happy with himself. He bowls and plays softball. He does most things himself but has a case manager in case he needs assistance. His siblings adore him. I know he is in good hands when we leave this earth.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately many of us have to fight for appropriate services and even more unfortunately in my opinion teachers often think that they are diagnosticians just because they work with children. Don't ever let a teacher act like a psychiatrist or a Neuro psychologist. They don't have the training. I know many parents with differently wired children who encountered teachers like this. Ignore them. If they want to be able to diagnose they can get their PhD in psychology or go to medication school. Teachers don't have that level of education.</p><p></p><p>Don't trust school testing. It is shallow and limited. You have been warned. Go to a high level very well educated professional. I personally prefer Neuro psychologists to psychiatrists. My son got ten hours of testing. You'll never get that at school. And don't trust talk therapists either, even private ones. Legally they are not qualified to diagnose. Go to the top of the heap and try to find somebody that other people recommend, not just a good internet advertisement. Find somebody if you can who actually helped somebody you know and trust. Or call the Autism Society for names. If a good professional does not see autism, he won't say your son has it. Do your best. None of us are perfect.</p><p> </p><p></p><p>Sorry for the novel. I just wanted to explain what we did. Take what you like and leave the rest!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 706751, member: 1550"] Susie and I have had similar autistic kids and I urge you to value her wisdom. It is a real pain in the backside to try to get schools to even acknowledge let alone help kids with differences that look like willful misbehavior but are actually caused by invisable neurological glitches. I had a teacher tell me to get my kid on Ritalin...he had ADHD (he did not) and she was sure of it. I.had learning problems myself years ago and the teachers picked on me so I was very certain to make sure no teacher picked on my kids. I asked her when she got her psychiatric degree and she sputtered thatbshes been a teacher for twelve years so she can just tell. I told her that is not true...she was in no position to diagnose and order medication and that Is report her if she diagnosed my son agsin.byears later it was my pleasure to show her the Neuro psycologist report that said pervasive development disorder NOD. She turned white and shrugged. Another bad experience was when I first took my son to meet his Special Education teacher. I learned to love her, but the first thing she said when I told her he had Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified was "He has what?" I.told her and she admitted she was not trained in autism but she was willing to learn so we worked as a team. She made a huge difference in his life, positive in academics to socializing. I loved her. But I had to speak up. Don't assume teachers know what they are doing with differently wired kids. They are educators, mot diagnosticians. You may have to help them and that's okay. I suggest public school. My son was both able to get help yet socialize with kids who were not different. His school was full of kids that were the normal mean to each other bit because they had been interacting with various levels of special rd kids since kindergarten, theybwerrbkind to them. My son is very high functioning. He sat at a lunch table with some Special Education kids plus some Neuro typical kids, most of them the brilliant "geek" kids. My son had wonderful self esteem. Still does. I'm high school he was mainstreamed with an IEP and did well and the school helped him get adult services. He is living a good life and does not identify himself by his autism. His school and our being proactive helped him. This little public school was amazing. Not sll are. Don't let educators scare you. The educators at this school don't seem to be kind of even to.understand what they say their school is about. Take him out of there. Look at schools. Find one you know will meet your sons needs kindly. Call your State Department of Public Education. Ask for the special needs advisor. He will give you the name of a school advocate. It costs nothing. The advocate will stand beside you as you fight for your son and make sure your school district has the facilities to help your son. If it doesn't, the advocate will make sure your district pays for an appropriate school...plus transportation. Court is an option if they refuse. My son went to a nearby school on the dime of our district because they had no Special Education. They paid for cabs to take him back and forth. To their extreme credit, they did not fight us. .This cooperation doesn't always happen. Now? My son is an angel from Heaven. Happy, loving, well liked, works two part time jobs, and happy with himself. He bowls and plays softball. He does most things himself but has a case manager in case he needs assistance. His siblings adore him. I know he is in good hands when we leave this earth. Unfortunately many of us have to fight for appropriate services and even more unfortunately in my opinion teachers often think that they are diagnosticians just because they work with children. Don't ever let a teacher act like a psychiatrist or a Neuro psychologist. They don't have the training. I know many parents with differently wired children who encountered teachers like this. Ignore them. If they want to be able to diagnose they can get their PhD in psychology or go to medication school. Teachers don't have that level of education. Don't trust school testing. It is shallow and limited. You have been warned. Go to a high level very well educated professional. I personally prefer Neuro psychologists to psychiatrists. My son got ten hours of testing. You'll never get that at school. And don't trust talk therapists either, even private ones. Legally they are not qualified to diagnose. Go to the top of the heap and try to find somebody that other people recommend, not just a good internet advertisement. Find somebody if you can who actually helped somebody you know and trust. Or call the Autism Society for names. If a good professional does not see autism, he won't say your son has it. Do your best. None of us are perfect. Sorry for the novel. I just wanted to explain what we did. Take what you like and leave the rest! [/QUOTE]
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