14 year old step-son is scaring me

[nomad78]

Hello all,

My step-son is 14 years old and has 3 doctors. Though he has not been diagnosed with anything, the doctors are leaning to bipolar.

If he does not get something he wants, he goes into a tantrum. It may be a cookie or money, but whatever he can not have drives him into a rage.

Over the past two years, I have repaired 27 foot sized holes in the walls. About 4 months ago he molested his mom in her sleep, now his younger brother sleeps on an air mattress at the foot of our bed. He has threatened to murder me in my sleep 3 times now, and the other day he spit directly on my face.

Tonight (after a short tantrum) he stood at the top of the stairs so that I could not get past him, when I told him to move he suggested I "make him". When I gently moved one of his arms so that I could get by, he threw himself into the wall and started cussing me out for "hitting him". Then he went into the bathroom (leaving the door open) and urinated all over the walls and floor, and shook his genitals in my direction.

Usually one of his tantrums end with his mom pulling him up the stairs for bed and him screaming and kicking holes in the walls, but her back and hips are in bad shape and she was in to much pain to deal with it tonight.

He has been seeing his doctors for over 7 years and has no diagnosis. He is incredibly manipulative, and can be calm when he wants. He chooses and plans out his tantrums, he even threatens us with them and tells us how they will end before he has one sometimes.

Most nights I stay awake until 3 or 4 am to make sure he does not hurt anyone. For the past month I have had really horrible nightmares about him doing unbelievable things to the family, and I do not know what to do.

He is currently taking the max dose of Abilify, and it has never worked.

Anyone out there that can help? I have tried everything and it is at the point where I am terrified to go to sleep because of the nightmares, and waking up just means another day of potential tantrums.

Thanks.

 

[BusynMember]

Hi, very tired but I'll give you my .02

Get this child out of the house. HE MOLESTED HIS MOTHER???? Um, HE SHOOK HIS GENTIALS AT YOU???? Good heavens, he'll molest other kids then, and he sounds dangerous. You can't help him from home in my opinion. He needs to be in outside placement.

I personally wouldn't live under the same roof as this child nor would I allow another child to live with him. I had kids who were molested by an older foster child and I had no idea it was going on, but it was devastating to the family when we found out. We had actually adopted him legally and once we found out, he had to go. He was 11 when he started perping on the younger kids. That's when he joined our family. He was gone the day we learned. I personally feel he is much more disturbed than bipolar. It sounds like he has been sexually abused himself and is heading towards psychopathic behavior.

There are RTCs out there that can better help this child and protect all of you from him. Even a child can be dangerous (we learned). What does your husband say? Hopefully, he is just as distressed as you and is open to out-of-home placement, like, STAT!

 

[everywoman]

This boy needs to go inpatient and have a complete psychological evaluation. He is a danger to those around him. You should not have to live in your home in fear. I hate to tell you to call the cops, but sometimes we have to do something to make sure the members of our home are safe.

 

[Hound dog]

I'm afraid I have to agree with the others on this one.

Sounds like your son needs to go inpatient for a complete evaluation, so that a proper diagnosis can be made, and proper treatment/medications begun.

Hospitalizing a child can seem horrific to many parents, especially the first time around. But mental illness needs treated just as any other disease. And like any other illness, sometimes hospitalization is required in order to put you onto the path of stability or at least proper treatment.

You have to think of the family's safety first. Obviously your son is a danger to others, and maybe himself as well. Grounds for admission.

I'm sorry the docs you've found aren't helping. There are good and bad, and sometimes you've got to wade thru the bad ones to find the good ones. Don't be afraid to get a 2nd opinon if you don't agree with a doctor. Or a 3rd, 4th........many parents have had to do the same.

Welcome to the board. Here you'll find people who understand and care.

(((Hugs)))

 

[recovering doormat]

others with more wisdom and experience than me will be along, I'm sure, to give a lot of advice, and they will also ask you some questions.

Can you give us a little more info on who lives in your household? If you look on the bottom of our posts, it has a shorthand description of the members of our households, and what, if any, diagnoses and medications people are on. This biographical info is useful to see if our kids have had similar reactions to medications.

I don't know much about Abilify, but I'm thinking if he's on the max dose and it's not helping, he needs a doctor-supervised medication wash (going off medications properly so the psychiatrist can see what the kid is like unmedicated). Many of us have had our kids exhibit extreme behaviors on different drugs and drug combinations. They all react differently but sometimes you see a pattern with kids acting out on certain medications.

I agree with the others that he needs to be placed in a psychiatric hospital ASAP for evaluation. Has he ever had a neuropsychologist evaluation or an EEG to see if the brain circuitry is working okay? Sometimes kids who have had head injuries or concussions can act out or be aggressive.

The first priority is the physical safety of any other children in the house, as well as you and your husband. I am hoping that dad is as concerned as you are. Is his mom resistant to him getting a more intensive level of help? I'm kind of surprised that she lets him stay at her house if he has molested her, unless she herself is overwhelmed by problems and doesn't know what to do.

My son had damaged just about every room in my house, broken my things, threw tantrums, threatened me, you name it, and I twice I've called the cops to remove him from my house. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I had to draw a line somewhere. Believe me, he doesn't do any kind of threat or vandalism now. He got hauled before a judge, is on probation, spent six weeks in a psychiatric hospital, and doesn't want to go away again. But he was just a spoiled brat with a diagnosis of anxiety. Once he realized that his dad and I were serious that we weren't going to put up with his s*** anymore he became very contrite.

Good luck to you. I hope his father and bio mom are on the same page as you.

 

[Sheila]

Heartbreaking.

Fact: Based on what you've written, this child cannot be cared for in the home setting. No matter how hard you try, parents with a child with-this level of illness can not be "on" 24/7 .

Fact: He's dangerous. Other family members must be protected.

Hard as it is, he needs to be in a locked facility where he can get the help he needs.

Not what parents want to hear, I know. So very sorry.

Hope you and the child's mom visit us often. It helps just to talk about it with-parents who are also in the trenches with-mentally ill children.

by the way, just my $0.02 worth, but it's highly unlikely bipolar is the only thing going on. There is typically at least one other disorder that co-exists.

 

[nomad78]

I am actually the step-dad, his mom and I have been together for 4 years now.

We are a family of 5
Myself, his mom
12 & 14 yr old boys
17 yr old girl

Currently he has a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and is seeing a forensic psychologist.

For the past 7 years he has been through every form of neurological testing his doctors can come up with, and nothing abnormal has been found. He has no diagnosis at all. Usually when he gets in trouble and talks to his doctors, he just makes up some outlandish excuse that throws the doctors off. An example of this was when he molested his mom, he told the forensic psychologist that when it happened he saw some sparkling lights and just went into a trance. After a series neurological tests he admitted that he made it up because he was embarrassed.

Last month I called the cops over to talk to him about vandalism. His mom was furious with me. He told me I had no bleeping authority so I thought it would be good for him to meet another kind. He told the police that he kicked all the holes in the walls in self defense, told them a couple of stories and they took me outside to talk to me about child abuse. While the police were talking to me, he was flipping me off through the window. He is very manipulative and a great liar.

For YEARS he plotted with his bio father to terrorize his mom. They made up stories about child abuse, drug use, and everything else you could think of to keep her living in fear of losing her kids. Their father abandoned them for 9 months out of the blue and when he came back and started visitations, he filled their heads with all kinds of lies about their mom.

Lately their father has been telling them lies about me, which is pretty funny as we have never met. But in regard to general behavior, I will say in this case it is like father like son.

As far as safety of the family, I do not sleep when the kid is home. After what he did to his mom, I have been sitting guard all night every night. I have installed heavy duty locks on the girls room, and his younger brother sleeps 2 feet from his mom in our room with the door locked.

Over the past 6 months there has been one really disgusting thing that nobody can figure out. He has been going #2 in his pants and then putting it in the washing machine with everyones clothing. When we ask him why he would do that, he tells us, because hes just a kid and that is to gross for him to take care of himself. He refuses to adhere to any sanitary bathroom habits, and getting him to take a shower takes several days of horrible tantrums. Not that he is in a constant rage, he will laugh and make jokes and play, watch movies, but when we say shower, he tells us... do you really want to deal with a tantrum from me tonight?

If he calmly threatens to have a tantrum, and then follows through with it to the letter, is that really a mental problem? It seems to calculated to me.

 

[graceupongrace]

nomad,

It is definitely scary and heartbreaking to see this in a child. I'm concerned for all of you. The behaviors you describe, especially the molestation, are horrific in themselves. And at 14, your stepson is getting bigger and stronger, and his hormones are kicking in. Mom will not be able to continue pulling him up the stairs for bed when he is raging, and she will be putting herself at serious risk if she tries.

Please call his doctors and report the latest incident asap. Others with more experience can give specific advice regarding inpatient care and emergency admissions, but this situation needs to be addressed immediately.

I'm pretty new here, but I can tell you that you will find empathy here that you won't find anywhere else. Please keep us updated.

 

[susiequte]

This is very frightening!!!

 

[AnnieO]

I agree with everyone. Get this child out of your home. He exhibits seriously sociopathic tendencies (i.e., calm and manipulative when with doctors). If his mother gets upset with you - just point out that there is one child sleeping in your bedroom on an air mattress for safety.

From the (step)mother point of view I am extremely frightened for your family. You say he can charm the therapists - that I definitely believe, having seen it for myself - but if you are frightened (and I can see that you are), you can call crisis. Call the police at the next incident (which will be today I have no doubt). Explain the issue and that you are afraid for the rest of your family. Refuse to allow him to be released to your home unless and until he gets treatment (this will likely be a long process... I hope for your sake).

You haven't mentioned the 17-year-old...? Does she live with you? Has he done anything to her?

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Please let us know what happens.

 

[CrazyinVA]

Was the molestation reported to the police, and to his doctors? I'm truly shocked they didn't remove him from the home after that. If for some reason it hasn't been reported (i.e., your wife is embarrassed, maybe?) I urge you to report it immediately. Everyone's safety is as risk at this point.

 

[TerryJ2]

Nomad78, I would not be happy with-a bipolar diagnosis. It's too simple. Nope. (Especially since the medications haven't had any effect.)

He needs a neuropsychologist evaluation.

I would be curious to know his family's histories, too. IOW, it's clear that his bio dad has issues, but what about grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc?

Interestingly, my son has done the urination thing and the defecating thing, and he has been diagnosis'd Aspie lite.
He put his filthy underwear in the laundry room, too and it took several months to get past that very bad habit.

When we approached him in an angry way about these things, he would fly off the handle and scream and kick. To say the least. (When he got really upset, he would get that "look," like he's possessed, which others here have experienced with-their kids.)

When we approached him in a calm manner, especially at the therapist's office, he would explain that he was angry and embarrassed and didn't know what to say or do when he was confronted. He said once he got too angry, it got out of control and he didn't know how to bring himself back under control. (He does now. )

I would wonder if your step son is both autistic and bipolar, but since the experts he has been to don't seem to be that "expert," you've got a tough road ahead of you. Plus, you've got the added burden of a bio dad who is wacko himself, and he's putting crazy ideas into your stepson's head, making him even more unstable.

A kid like that needs consistency, above all. And he needs to know that he is under the control of authority figures, meaning you, his mom, the police, and teachers at school. He is NOT in control.

Unfortunately, he's reached a point where he has created such a fear factor for everyone that no one wants to or can help him any more, unless he is sent to a lock-down facility of some sort.

I am so sorry.

 

[Lothlorien]

I agree that you need another opinion regarding this. I would also agree that this child needs to be out of the home until he is stabilized. His mother must be terrified of her own son. You must be terrified for your family. This is not a healthy living situation for anyone.

 

[nomad78]

We did not report the molestation of his mom, instead we called one of his better therapists and she sent him to a forensic psychologist. The FP suggested that we do not report it to the police.

Tonight we went to his middle school graduation, afterward we saw his report card. He has failed two classes with strait F grades on all marking periods and they still passed him. He has never been held back before. His resource teacher started refusing to deal with him near the beginning of the school year and his IEP requires certain tasks of the resource teacher. I am tempted to believe they passed him just to get him out of the school.

TerryJ2, it makes me hopeful hearing your story and how your child has learned to control the anger issues. Unfortunately, it does not matter how we approach ours, we can be sweet and calm while he kicks holes in the walls. He refuses to follow his doctors orders of keeping his journal, and the mood wheel. We were recently told by one of his therapists that he needs a higher level of care, and she dropped him as a patient.

Sometimes I think there is nothing wrong with him at all. Now and then, he is the perfect child, usually if his brother is in trouble for something. I do think all of the lies and games his bio father has played with him have really given him a skewed perception of reality and authority. At press, his bio father is refusing to play any games with him, and has been skipping 90% of his visitations. Maybe the recent rash of tantrums and over the top behavior is coming from the frustration of not having his dad to play games with anymore.

I know that for quite some time, his bio father would reward him during visitations when his behavior at home was terrible. His younger brother reported to us many times concerning the rewards. In several cases, the 12 year old was punished by his bio father for sticking up for his mom when she was being slandered at the bio fathers house.

In the past few months, the 12 year old has started screaming at me (not his mother), and having slightly violent tantrums of his own. After a few sessions with a therapist, the 12 year old stated that he acts out that way because his brother gets away with it, so why shouldn't he.

I appreciate the input all of you have given. I will try to convince his mother that we need to start looking for yet another set of new doctors. He has had all of the tests that have been mentioned on this thread, and no one has any diagnosis.

Summer break starts tomorrow. I will be working from home so that a parent is with him during the day. There is no way to describe the dread of knowing I will be home with him everyday... all day... all summer... it should be interesting to say the least.

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry this situation is so horrible. I don't care what the forensic psychologist says, I would report the molestation.

This situation terrifies me. The boy is urinating and defecating inappropriately. He also has molested his mother. And that just scratches the surface.

this boy is going to hurt someone. SOON.

Please don't wait until someone is in either the hospital or the morgue. Get this child into a hospital for a medication wash an new, more accurate diagnosis. Here if a diagnosis is over 2 years old then the school has to get an up to date one. Kids change that fast, and over time many diagnosis's become more clear.

Get new docs if they can't help better than this.

But you need an inpatient psychiatric hospital stay, extensive testing, and maybe even a therapeutic foster home until he learns to behave in a safe manner.

If you are home all day with the boy it is going to become violent. Esp with biodad in and out unpredictable and pushing son to abuse your wife.

It is nice to ahve a dad here. A step parent has such a tough role. I don't envy you in this. You DO need to make sure the other kids are not abused by difficult child. And the 12yo is being pretty accurate. If difficult child can do it, with no real consequences, they why can't he? I would be pushing that limit myself, and I was NOT a difficult child.

I hope wife agrees to put him in a hospital. He is probably going to need a stay in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

 

[FlipFlops]

For the therapist to say not to report the molestation seems almost unethical. Something that bizarre should be setting off alarms of a very real issue that poses a threat to the other kids at the very least! By law isn't a therapist supposed to report abuse and things of that serious of a nature?
Nomad, you seem a little shellshocked to me. And I totally sympathize, I have a violent child that we are likely about to place. It seems like at some point after so many disasters we get desenitized. It just becomes common place almost and we stop recognizing the danger we are in or putting our other kids in. Imagine someone else telling you this story. What would you think they should do? It also sounds like the mom could be in denial as well. You guys should really give some thought to what is going to be too much. Is too much something happening to one of the other kids? Something else happening to the mom?
Also consider how the other kids feel knowing they have to lock themselves in their room or yours at night because they are in danger. You are even having nightmares. What effect will this have on them? That is actually the reason we are trying to place our difficult child. For the sake of the other kids.
I'm sorry for having gotten on a soapbox. And I hope I haven't sounded critical. That truly was not my intent. Your situation just seems so very serious.
I wish you the best.

 

[Marguerite]

Sometimes I think there is nothing wrong with him at all.

I recognise this. But remember - NO child CHOOSES to be bad, or difficult, not without thre being some problem.

Whether the problem is damaging/inconsistent parenting or simply the disorder itself (whatever it is) doesn't really matter. It could even eb a combination. But a healthy, normal child wouldn't behave this way.

Ditto for the 12 y o. As he said himself, his brother's behaviour 'justifies' his deterioration in behaviour. The 12 yo is frustrated and angry, is misbehaving as the only way, it seems, to have anyone listen to him and pay attention. He's upset because YOU'RE all not coping. He is just a kid and having to live with the fear also. You're an adult, and afraid. How much more scared is a 12 yo going to be, especially when he sees parents afraid?

You didn't specify what the molestation of his mother was. If there was any sexual component to it, it should have been reported. If it was simply a physical attack borne of frustration, it's a more grey area but perhaps still should have been reported even if you asked that no action be taken. There needs to be a record of what is happening. To tell you to not report it is to make sure there is no record, not a good thing with ongoing behaviour.

The specialists and teachers sound like they're just not coping. And to pass a kid who has failed, just to get rid of him - that is reinforcing the bad behaviour in a way that encourages it even more.


It's as if they're all collaborating to try to deliberately produce the most dysfunctional person tey can. If they were actively working to make him more difficult, they couldn't be doing a better job.

Very worrying.

One last thought - we talk about typical teen (typical teen) behaviour. It can at times be quite extreme. A frustrated teen throwing a tantrum can be violent, can be scary. They can kick holes in walls, they can physically attack. But I have never heard of a typical teen urinating everywhere and then shaking the offending appendage at the person in authority. The fact that the person in authority having the thing waved at him is the STEPfather (ie the usurping male authority figure) says a great deal, all of it worrying. Again, NOT normal.

What he did was a blatant challenge to your parental authority and even more, a challenge to your MALE authority. Which means that at some level, this boy sees himself as the MALE who "owns" the household and all the people in it. All should be subject to his force and should do his bidding. Always.

This could be due to his bizarre father, or it could be due to past abuse, or it could be due to an underlying psychiatric disorder, or it could be a combination. But whatever it is - it is NOT normal, it is not safe or healthy for it to continue. The members of the household are entitled to feel safe. They also ALL have to see that such behaviour brings consequences (negative ones, on the perpetrator) and that action can and will be taken to keep everyone safe. Otherwise, what is it all for? Why try to be a good person? Why try to do the decent thing by others, if being aggressive and violent brings you more results?

I hope you can get help soon, for everybody.

A diagnosis would be useful. But before that, security would be even better.

Marg

 

[Hound dog]

Well said Marg.

Nomad, I also have a concern :

Over the past 6 months there has been one really disgusting thing that nobody can figure out. He has been going #2 in his pants and then putting it in the washing machine with everyones clothing. When we ask him why he would do that, he tells us, because hes just a kid and that is to gross for him to take care of himself

Obviously bio dad is disturbed on some level to even consider teaching his boys to act this way toward their mother. But I have got to ask, is there any chance there is abuse/sexual abuse going on between bio dad and difficult child?

Having been a victim myself, and having a nephew that was a victim......the more detailed accounts of his behavior really make me wonder if this is the case. Bio dad appears to be not only manipulative but a control freak who gets some sort of warped kick out of making his ex wife's life a living hades. It takes alot to get a child to turn on their mother, even if they're very close to their father. The normal response would be what you see in the younger son. Rewarding such behavior is usually not enough.

Also many people don't relize that a child of this age suddenly taking to defacating in their underwear ect is a major red flag for sexual abuse. Of course it doesn't have to be bio dad.....it could be someone else difficult child comes into contact with. It would also explain the anger, rages, the cold calculated behavior, and the molesting of his mother. (lashing out at you and her for not protecting him)

Other than the whole bio dad part, you could've been talking about my nephew at age 12. My sister didn't catch it. Tdocs and psychiatrists didn't catch it. It wasn't until later she found out the hades she lived thru from age 12-16 when he went to prison for the first time that from 12-14 he'd be molested by the boy he hung around with who was several years older.

Not saying this is what is going on. Just saying that it might be something you and his mom might want to think about. And I felt strongly enough to put it out for you to think about.

Regardless. difficult child is a danger to the family. His docs are obviously not helping him. And I'm sorry but I'd have little respect for a doctor who says not to report something as serious as molestation. This child needs help. FAST.

I'm so sorry you're having to go thru this.

(((hugs)))

 

[BusynMember]

Well, I would have probably reported the molestation regardless of what anyone said because I'd be afraid he had molested a lot more than we knew and that he'd do it again. The child we adopted who repeatedly molested my younger kids (who were afraid to tell me and hub because he threatened to kill us all if they did) also perped on me when I was sleeping. I forgot to mention that because it was very minor to me compared to what he did to the kids. I wasn't even awake, but it was alarming that he had the guts to to do it and he did it in front of the other kids, laughing (I had fallen asleep in the living room and I sleep like the dead). That sent a scary message to the other kids: "He can even do it to Mom!!!" Kids rarely tell the full disclosure of their molestation experiences until long after the perp is gone. They are both too traumatized and ashamed. It took us a long time, plus this perp to tell the truth in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (with no remorse or understanding of why he had molested anyone and no memory of being molested himself). He's a scary kid--wouldn't shock me if he was on the news one day as a murderer.

Although no child chooses to be bad, I do think some are heading toward psychopathic behavior. There are some things that can't be accepted in society--our son who molested the two younger kids (and others in his foster homes) could not be out in society doing that, plus killing animals. Obviouisly some horrible things happened to him--same with Ted Bundy and Charles Manson--but society can't accept everything just because bad things happened.

I would never allow this kid in my house again. I learned the hard way that you really can't know the extent of what a child who is that sick may be doing to the healthy kids. They get jealous of the healthy kids and want to make them sick too, and they don't have a conscience to put the breaks on.

As one who has been there/done that, I would not give this child the benefit of the doubt like we did. You need to protect the innocent people from him and let him hopefully heal (if he can heal) out of a family setting or at least away from YOUR family. (((Hugs)))

 

[nomad78]

Ok, I just finished reading over every post in this thread three times.

1) I spoke with his mom last night and the bathroom problem has been a problem since he was 5, he just recently started sharing it with everyone.

2) His mom refuses to report the molestation (she woke up in the middle of the night with his hands down her pants). She thinks talking to the forensic psychologist was enough and that the kids are safe enough as long as they are not sleeping in the same room; however, he came into our room to mess with his mother.

3) He has never been sexually abused by anyone, he is the first person on earth that would have said something as he is a pity monger, and his doctors have grilled him endlessly on the question.

4) He is never punished for things he does when his mom is not around (shaking his genitals at me ETC ETC ETC). She did not even think it pertinent to discuss it with the child.

5) Yes I think he is taking every opportunity to show me that he has no respect for my authority. I think this is because his bio-father talks about me in the worst way to the child at every chance. (His bio father knows NOTHING about me; however, he has preached to both boys that he plans on "whipping my ***" if I get in any of their business. Last year the bio father told them not to do anything I say. So yes, I believe he is a major part of this issue.

6) The child picks fights with me out of the blue for no reason when his mother is not at home. When she is here, there is usually something he must do, or can not have that leads to the tantrums. For now, I have taken to avoiding contact with him while I am by myself and focusing on keeping the other kids busy and out of his range.

7) Caught him having pretend sex with the cat a while back. His mother shouted at him that he can not have animals in his room anymore; however, the issue was never discussed and the animal ban wore off after 3 days of fighting over it. His mother is exhausted of dealing with it.

8) The bio father tells the child that his doctors are all stupid and don't deserve to interact with bio father. When child is misbehaving at his bio fathers house, his mother and I have to go pick him up early. Bio father tells him and us that unless he is behaving that he does not deserve to interact with his bio as a father figure.

9) Last summer at bio fathers house, child was misbehaving and bio father told the 11 year old to go "kick his butt" of the 14 year old because he was behaving so badly. This was brought to the attention of child psychologist, who said that if there was a bruise then the authorities would be called, if not, the father would just lie his way out of it.

10) My nightmares consist of the child putting super glue in my eyes while I am sleeping, cutting off limbs of family members, and raping various severed body parts of family members. Always in the nightmares I yell at him and he says "great !! every time I find something fun to do" or a variation of that phrase which is a phrase that is usually a clue that we are about to enter a horrible tantrum. I have decided to seek psychological help to deal with this as it is very very hard to look at the child in a positive light.

11) I have expressed my opinion that the child should not be playing with the 7 year old kids down the street, especially unsupervised out in the clubhouse in the woods. His mother fights with me on the topic by saying she does not believe he would do anything that awful.

12) His bio father tells him that his mom takes all his money, buys drugs, and he has to send extra money and that he supports everyone that lives here. When the child breaks something, he likes to shout "my dad pays for everything here anyways". In truth: bio father pays his child support which is not much. The child's mother is on pain killers for hip and back problems she got from having to physically move the 14 year old up and down the stairs while he is having tantrums. Before she was put on the pain killers, she was so strait she would not even have a drink with me.

It is no surprise to me that the child has no respect for his mother, or me, and has no trouble lying to his doctors.

13) Few days ago the child came up to me out of the blue (when his mom stepped out) and said "im going to tell people you abuse me, not giving me ice cream is child abuse and neglect".

14) I suspect that the child is working up some plan to have me arrested. In all honesty, I can not wait. I could use a good nights sleep and in my defence I would be able to report the molestation, the animal abuse, and tell my side to the police.

The Bio father makes everything worse.
His mom lets him get away with just about everything, and will not let punishments stick. Sometimes punishments are impossible, but they never stick no-matter-what.
I am absolutly terrified to go to sleep because of the nightmares, I think that this means I should not be sleeping while he is in the house.
Over this summer, I am not going to get much work done because I have to babysit him all day, so I will try to catch up work at night while everyone sleeps; this way I can still guard.
The next time he does something, I am going to call the police and bypass his mother all together. She will hate me for it, but I guess that is just the way it is.

Thank you all for the support, thoughts, and ideas. I did not expect to hear good news from anyone, but you have assured me that my fears are justifiable, and something needs to be done.