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15 Year Old TRYING To Get Pregnant!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 723996" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Have you drug tested her? Have you completely and thoroughly searched her room? I mean searched every nook and cranny of it, including between mattresses and underneath the drawers and every other place you can possibly think of? If you haven't, I would start there.</p><p></p><p>The major reason for a sudden change in attitude and for grades suddenly slipping, etc... is not a boyfriend or hating parents. It isn't teenage rebellion. It is a drug or alcohol problem. No, I would NOT trust a therapist to catch it. I would search the room when she isn't there, and then her bag and purse when she comes home. I would search a shed if you have one, or a garage or any other area you don't normally go into or search often if you think she could hide things there. You would be astounded where things can be hidden. Before you search her bag, or do the search of her room, I would go and buy a multi panel drug test at Walmart or a drug store. Then the day you do the search, I would insist on the drug test. I would watch her produce the sample. Her behavior has shown you that she does not deserve privacy, hasn't it? She hid a person in your home for weeks and now you are supposed to give her privacy? No, I don't think so. </p><p></p><p>I bet you find a drug problem or else they have been drinking. Something is going on. Insist on the drug test done randomly if she wants any privileges. Anything other than the most basic food, clothing (not clothing or food she likes, just basic food and clothing), and bare bones furniture and sheets and her school books, is a privilege. You can take anything other than that away if you think it will help. I would make a list of what I wanted her to do and then I would prioritize those things. I would pick 2 or 3 things that MUST be done, and ignore the rest. I would use whatever I had to in order to get her to agree to do what I needed regarding those few items. </p><p></p><p>I know it is hard because you don't want to push your child away from you. She is your baby and you love her. I have been there. This was around the hardest age with my difficult child. He hated me. I could say nothing to him that he did not consider abusive, not even "Hi" or "Good Morning". It really was that bad. Sometimes it is helpful if you have a family member that the child can live with for a while. We had to send my son to live with my parents when he was 14. He was so violent we were afraid someone would end up dead and another person would end up in prison. Oddly, he never got that violent with my parents, though they did see more violence than they had any clue they would see from him. Fast forward to now, and he turned 26 yesterday, and he is an absolute delight. We have a wonderful relationship, all of us. He is a great son, and brother and grandson. I would not have ever expected it from his behavior when he was your daughter's age. So there is hope. </p><p></p><p>Test her for drugs. Even if the first test is negative, test her a few times. Be aware there are some drugs out there that don't show up on tests, but get the most comprehensive test you can find anyway. I would especially test her on a Sunday morning or a Saturday morning. I would also have a police officer come over and breathalyze her if you have even the tiniest hint of a suspicion she has been drinking. Substance abuse starts earlier and earlier. It is easy to find a lot of drugs in many schools, especially high schools. If your daughter tests negative and you are confident the tests are correct, then be glad. You will still have some kind of problem with your daughter, but you won't have that one. It is a problem that is truly horrendous, and I pray you don't have it. But it is definitely one you need to test for.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry she is trying to have a child. Has she ever been a babysitter for an infant? Spent any time with a child with colic? Learned all of the unpleasant things that go along with being pregnant? Back when my young cousin was 14, we were very worried she would have a child. She was enchanted with my daughter, who was just old enough to be all cute and adorable and interesting, but not mobile and into everything. My cousin had several friends from a rough part of town who had gotten pregnant. She was NOT from that part of town, she was in private school and lived in a nice area, but we worried about that influence on her. I took my cousin out and told her all about the most unpleasant and disgusting parts of pregnancy and childbirth. From belching and farting to your belly button popping out, hemorrhoids, and so many other gross things. Then I let her change a messy diaper after feeding my daughter something I knew would give her particularly foul toxic waste in her diaper. I also described some particularly scary and painful complications that I had after delivering my oldest child, things that impacted my life until the doctor who delivered my daughter did surgery to correct them. It was a singularly horribly complication to describe and it shocked her. </p><p></p><p>All of this worked. My cousin became a wonderful mother at the age of 26, when she was mature enough to handle the responsibility. If it will help, I can send you a private message with the description of that complication and what they had to do to correct it. I wouldn't type it on the open forum because it would upset people. If I made it so it didn't upset people, it wouldn't have an impact on your daughter because she wouldn't understand what I was saying. It might be better if you know someone she likes and respects who has kids and had a difficult pregnancy and/or delivery. If they would describe the less pleasant parts of those experiences to your daughter, it might make her not want to be pregnant.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 723996, member: 1233"] Have you drug tested her? Have you completely and thoroughly searched her room? I mean searched every nook and cranny of it, including between mattresses and underneath the drawers and every other place you can possibly think of? If you haven't, I would start there. The major reason for a sudden change in attitude and for grades suddenly slipping, etc... is not a boyfriend or hating parents. It isn't teenage rebellion. It is a drug or alcohol problem. No, I would NOT trust a therapist to catch it. I would search the room when she isn't there, and then her bag and purse when she comes home. I would search a shed if you have one, or a garage or any other area you don't normally go into or search often if you think she could hide things there. You would be astounded where things can be hidden. Before you search her bag, or do the search of her room, I would go and buy a multi panel drug test at Walmart or a drug store. Then the day you do the search, I would insist on the drug test. I would watch her produce the sample. Her behavior has shown you that she does not deserve privacy, hasn't it? She hid a person in your home for weeks and now you are supposed to give her privacy? No, I don't think so. I bet you find a drug problem or else they have been drinking. Something is going on. Insist on the drug test done randomly if she wants any privileges. Anything other than the most basic food, clothing (not clothing or food she likes, just basic food and clothing), and bare bones furniture and sheets and her school books, is a privilege. You can take anything other than that away if you think it will help. I would make a list of what I wanted her to do and then I would prioritize those things. I would pick 2 or 3 things that MUST be done, and ignore the rest. I would use whatever I had to in order to get her to agree to do what I needed regarding those few items. I know it is hard because you don't want to push your child away from you. She is your baby and you love her. I have been there. This was around the hardest age with my difficult child. He hated me. I could say nothing to him that he did not consider abusive, not even "Hi" or "Good Morning". It really was that bad. Sometimes it is helpful if you have a family member that the child can live with for a while. We had to send my son to live with my parents when he was 14. He was so violent we were afraid someone would end up dead and another person would end up in prison. Oddly, he never got that violent with my parents, though they did see more violence than they had any clue they would see from him. Fast forward to now, and he turned 26 yesterday, and he is an absolute delight. We have a wonderful relationship, all of us. He is a great son, and brother and grandson. I would not have ever expected it from his behavior when he was your daughter's age. So there is hope. Test her for drugs. Even if the first test is negative, test her a few times. Be aware there are some drugs out there that don't show up on tests, but get the most comprehensive test you can find anyway. I would especially test her on a Sunday morning or a Saturday morning. I would also have a police officer come over and breathalyze her if you have even the tiniest hint of a suspicion she has been drinking. Substance abuse starts earlier and earlier. It is easy to find a lot of drugs in many schools, especially high schools. If your daughter tests negative and you are confident the tests are correct, then be glad. You will still have some kind of problem with your daughter, but you won't have that one. It is a problem that is truly horrendous, and I pray you don't have it. But it is definitely one you need to test for. I am sorry she is trying to have a child. Has she ever been a babysitter for an infant? Spent any time with a child with colic? Learned all of the unpleasant things that go along with being pregnant? Back when my young cousin was 14, we were very worried she would have a child. She was enchanted with my daughter, who was just old enough to be all cute and adorable and interesting, but not mobile and into everything. My cousin had several friends from a rough part of town who had gotten pregnant. She was NOT from that part of town, she was in private school and lived in a nice area, but we worried about that influence on her. I took my cousin out and told her all about the most unpleasant and disgusting parts of pregnancy and childbirth. From belching and farting to your belly button popping out, hemorrhoids, and so many other gross things. Then I let her change a messy diaper after feeding my daughter something I knew would give her particularly foul toxic waste in her diaper. I also described some particularly scary and painful complications that I had after delivering my oldest child, things that impacted my life until the doctor who delivered my daughter did surgery to correct them. It was a singularly horribly complication to describe and it shocked her. All of this worked. My cousin became a wonderful mother at the age of 26, when she was mature enough to handle the responsibility. If it will help, I can send you a private message with the description of that complication and what they had to do to correct it. I wouldn't type it on the open forum because it would upset people. If I made it so it didn't upset people, it wouldn't have an impact on your daughter because she wouldn't understand what I was saying. It might be better if you know someone she likes and respects who has kids and had a difficult pregnancy and/or delivery. If they would describe the less pleasant parts of those experiences to your daughter, it might make her not want to be pregnant. [/QUOTE]
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