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15 Year Old TRYING To Get Pregnant!
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<blockquote data-quote="MomOfGirls" data-source="post: 724053" data-attributes="member: 22487"><p>Thank you so much everyone for responding so far. I find it helpful that there are some of the same experiences, that others are thinking the some of the same things I have been and even that there's additional ideas that I may not have thought about. If there's one thing I do understand now for a situation like this is that your mind doesn't always think too straight. I have always prided myself on being able to think things through and formulate a plan, etc and I find myself this past few weeks barely being able to think past the next 5 minutes. Anyway, I can give you more updates and answer some of the questions.</p><p></p><p>Littleboylost - we have done a small bit of research on some placement programs. There is one that is fairly close to where we live. I haven't gotten much further than that, but I can say that if it doesn't appear that we (husband and I) can start to get this under control we wouldn't be opposed to this route. I agree with you about it keeping the boyfriend at bay and it's safer than any other option.</p><p></p><p>KTMom/ CrazyInVa - She is old enough to refuse medical treatment, but I don't know if she knows that. I guess I never really gave it a second thought that she would because although it was nothing like this situation, I went thought the teen having sex with daughter 2 when she was 16 and it was more like a no-brainer for her to accept the birth control. I took her to the ob-gyn for an exam (which freaked her out) and an awesome lesson, including graphics, about the person you sleep with and how many other people that means you've 'slept' with. That slowed her roll quite a bit. So when this happened with #3, from the birth control perspective I didn't really think it would be any different and I did let them know when I made the appointment that they can give her the full work up. Discovering that she was trying to get pregnant threw a wrench in that. Some of the events since my initial posting, which I will get to, have hopefully helped my case in her agreeing to this. Of course this is all pending on if she is pregnant or not <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /></p><p></p><p>susiestar - thank you for your input. As much as I hate to think/admit that she might be doing something, I realize it's naive to think that there's no chance. I have searched her room/closet/bathroom, but not extensively. The bathroom probably the best because I cleaned it from top to bottom. I suppose that is something that needs to be done and will definitely work on a strategy for getting that done. The drug test too - makes perfect sense. Again, per my earlier statement, my mind seems one-track in this situation. This pregnancy thing has been my only focus. Oh and she has had experience babysitting infants. Not extensively but she's watched a 2yr old and a 4mo old multiple times. Of course I realize that's probably just enough to glamorize it.</p><p></p><p>A lot has happened since my post. Some good some bad. We got in touch with boyfriend's dad. It was a decent conversation. Some key things that came out of it. He had said that #3 could stay there, but the reason he said that was because his son had told them that we had kicked #3 out of the house and she was on the streets. He was also unaware of the ploy to have a baby and had not agreed that he would help them with things when it happened (the whole plan was boyfriend's dad said she could live there and would help them with everything etc etc). There was also a discovery on his side of a situation were the boyfriend had gotten in some kind of fight with someone in the family and showed up one day at our house with some strangle marks on his neck. He had told us this was his step-mom and #3 had told my husband and I that the step-mom was no longer in the picture because of that (as this was one of our concerns to #3 when she was laying out her whole plan to us). None of this was true. What came out of that conversation was that we agreed with the dad that we should all meet and get everything out on the table with these two and try to stop all of this. We agreed and scheduled this for this coming Sunday. So as I had predicted after seeing the chat conversations that I've seen and piecing things together it is obvious lies are flowing back and forth like water. I am not absolving my daughter of any blame because she has been lying to us and him too, but I fully believe that this boy is a manipulator and this baby idea all being made the romantic notion by this kid as a way to trap her and not let her leave him. After the call we sat down with #3 and asked her some questions about what she knew about boyfriend's family and again how things would be if this moving out were all to come to fruition. Our thought is to have these answers with us to take to the meeting and then we will put them both on the spot in front of all of the parents. After that we gave #3 a summary of the call with dad, the two main points being why he said that she could move there and the realization that he was not aware of baby plans and did not agree to help them out. So essentially, all of the plans she and boyfriend had were not there and that boyfriend had lied to her. We told her about the meeting sunday and told her flat out that after that - if there was any agreement on letting the two of them see each other again that it was going to be with rules and our way not their way etc etc. (Now the hopes is that this won't happen, but for the moment we chose this approach to hopefully keep #3's emotions in check). We also told her how we feel about what he's trying to do with manipulation. We were careful to not downplay the fact that we don't deny they care for each other (we know they feel they do) but tried to show her the plans to move out and have a baby and everything would be great, etc that he was trying to trap her and he's very convincing. She wasn't overly emotional, but she was visibly irritated about this. Told us she was confused (I would be too) and that she wanted to talk to him before Sunday to get some answers because she wasn't sure Sunday would even need to happen. We agreed. She also apologized to us for some of the things she had been saying (maybe realizing she doesn't have a place to go kicked in real quick). Well then the "fun" started to happen.</p><p></p><p>She broke up with him. First thing he said - he's been honest with her from the start. This is us (my husband and I) lying to her and him and trying to keep them apart. Then he started threatening suicide. This scared #3 and she lost it telling us she didn't want him doing it and it be her fault. We tried to assure her that we didn't feel that he was serious and he's trying to manipulate her because she wouldn't talk to him more, but of course we also told her that we would take it seriously and we notified his dad and husband started to text with the kid. We got #3 calmed down and realizing that he was talking to my husband and if he was doing that then he wasn't as serious as he was trying to make it out. We got her in bed and then continued this back and forth with the kid for almost an hour. This text conversation was nothing more than him trying to manipulate us into letting him speak with #3 for "just one minute"... ultimately ending in him finally saying he wasn't thinking or planning anything. Yesterday - #3 appeared to be ok. A little reserved, but talking to us. She went over to her sisters at one point in the afternoon and left her phone. I checked it and saw that they had messaged a couple of times (he's blocked from calling or texting but is on her snapchat). She didn't say much, he was trying to tell her again that this was all our fault (me and husband) for trying to keep them apart and that on Sunday she needed to stand up for herself and tell us why she wanted to leave and he would jump in and support her etc etc. Also told her to let him know when she read it and he would screen shot it and delete it because then if we read her messages again we wouldn't see it.... the kid just does not stop. After dinner, she started taking down her pictures of him. I checked on her again and told her that she needs to block him and if she can't then I will shut down her snapchat completely and she can't talk to her friends either. She said that she didn't want the Sunday meeting to happen. I told her we need to just give that a couple of days and we can decide that day. (I don't mind if it doesn't happen but I also think it will be good for her to do this - to see in person that his dad did not agree to this, feels the same as me and my husband do, and that boyfriend is lying and also to even be faced with the lies she told). I don't know what happened, my guess is she had to say one more thing to him before blocking him (I chalk this up to just being an immature teen) and next thing you know she calls us in. he sent her a picture of him holding a shotgun pointed underneath his chin. And for good measure he was wearing one of her sweatshirts. W.T.F. We had her send us the picture and we sent it to his dad. Husband also called the kid. Against what he would have like to have said to the kid, he did try to talk to him, explain to him our take about this relationship, show understanding that he seems to be having a hard time. Husband offered to get him some help - told the kid he could call him if he needed. Kid tried this time throughout this conversation to tell us again (no disrespect of course) that #3 was the only one keeping him from doing this and now it's our fault that she can't because we won't let her speak to him right then. So just almost as quick as it started, the conversation was over. I'm sure the kid was just trying to get to #3. I think she realized this too because she wasn't nearly as distraught as she was the night before. His dad never replied back to us so who knows what happened on that end. Sadly, on a side note, apparently boyfriend lives with his mom most of the time and things are not going well there (partly because of him staying out all night and skipping school as I understand it) and the dad tried to bring the mom into this when we had the phone call so she would be on the same page and she wants nothing to do with it.</p><p></p><p>SOOO - it's a new day again and we shall see what this brings. The kid is blocked on all accounts (well I have to keep tabs on the snap chat but she knows after last night that when I ask she has to show me and it will take me all of 2 minutes to lock her out the whole app). We have an OP to keep him of of our property (we put that in place right after the discovery he's been sneaking in). We will see how the next couple of days go and then determine if we have this meeting on Sunday. Of course there's still this pregnancy option looming. I will also move forward on planning some searching and doing this drug testing. Thank you all for listening to the saga. Sorry it's so long, but it is helpful to be able to tell the whole story to someone and know that I won't be judged.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MomOfGirls, post: 724053, member: 22487"] Thank you so much everyone for responding so far. I find it helpful that there are some of the same experiences, that others are thinking the some of the same things I have been and even that there's additional ideas that I may not have thought about. If there's one thing I do understand now for a situation like this is that your mind doesn't always think too straight. I have always prided myself on being able to think things through and formulate a plan, etc and I find myself this past few weeks barely being able to think past the next 5 minutes. Anyway, I can give you more updates and answer some of the questions. Littleboylost - we have done a small bit of research on some placement programs. There is one that is fairly close to where we live. I haven't gotten much further than that, but I can say that if it doesn't appear that we (husband and I) can start to get this under control we wouldn't be opposed to this route. I agree with you about it keeping the boyfriend at bay and it's safer than any other option. KTMom/ CrazyInVa - She is old enough to refuse medical treatment, but I don't know if she knows that. I guess I never really gave it a second thought that she would because although it was nothing like this situation, I went thought the teen having sex with daughter 2 when she was 16 and it was more like a no-brainer for her to accept the birth control. I took her to the ob-gyn for an exam (which freaked her out) and an awesome lesson, including graphics, about the person you sleep with and how many other people that means you've 'slept' with. That slowed her roll quite a bit. So when this happened with #3, from the birth control perspective I didn't really think it would be any different and I did let them know when I made the appointment that they can give her the full work up. Discovering that she was trying to get pregnant threw a wrench in that. Some of the events since my initial posting, which I will get to, have hopefully helped my case in her agreeing to this. Of course this is all pending on if she is pregnant or not :( susiestar - thank you for your input. As much as I hate to think/admit that she might be doing something, I realize it's naive to think that there's no chance. I have searched her room/closet/bathroom, but not extensively. The bathroom probably the best because I cleaned it from top to bottom. I suppose that is something that needs to be done and will definitely work on a strategy for getting that done. The drug test too - makes perfect sense. Again, per my earlier statement, my mind seems one-track in this situation. This pregnancy thing has been my only focus. Oh and she has had experience babysitting infants. Not extensively but she's watched a 2yr old and a 4mo old multiple times. Of course I realize that's probably just enough to glamorize it. A lot has happened since my post. Some good some bad. We got in touch with boyfriend's dad. It was a decent conversation. Some key things that came out of it. He had said that #3 could stay there, but the reason he said that was because his son had told them that we had kicked #3 out of the house and she was on the streets. He was also unaware of the ploy to have a baby and had not agreed that he would help them with things when it happened (the whole plan was boyfriend's dad said she could live there and would help them with everything etc etc). There was also a discovery on his side of a situation were the boyfriend had gotten in some kind of fight with someone in the family and showed up one day at our house with some strangle marks on his neck. He had told us this was his step-mom and #3 had told my husband and I that the step-mom was no longer in the picture because of that (as this was one of our concerns to #3 when she was laying out her whole plan to us). None of this was true. What came out of that conversation was that we agreed with the dad that we should all meet and get everything out on the table with these two and try to stop all of this. We agreed and scheduled this for this coming Sunday. So as I had predicted after seeing the chat conversations that I've seen and piecing things together it is obvious lies are flowing back and forth like water. I am not absolving my daughter of any blame because she has been lying to us and him too, but I fully believe that this boy is a manipulator and this baby idea all being made the romantic notion by this kid as a way to trap her and not let her leave him. After the call we sat down with #3 and asked her some questions about what she knew about boyfriend's family and again how things would be if this moving out were all to come to fruition. Our thought is to have these answers with us to take to the meeting and then we will put them both on the spot in front of all of the parents. After that we gave #3 a summary of the call with dad, the two main points being why he said that she could move there and the realization that he was not aware of baby plans and did not agree to help them out. So essentially, all of the plans she and boyfriend had were not there and that boyfriend had lied to her. We told her about the meeting sunday and told her flat out that after that - if there was any agreement on letting the two of them see each other again that it was going to be with rules and our way not their way etc etc. (Now the hopes is that this won't happen, but for the moment we chose this approach to hopefully keep #3's emotions in check). We also told her how we feel about what he's trying to do with manipulation. We were careful to not downplay the fact that we don't deny they care for each other (we know they feel they do) but tried to show her the plans to move out and have a baby and everything would be great, etc that he was trying to trap her and he's very convincing. She wasn't overly emotional, but she was visibly irritated about this. Told us she was confused (I would be too) and that she wanted to talk to him before Sunday to get some answers because she wasn't sure Sunday would even need to happen. We agreed. She also apologized to us for some of the things she had been saying (maybe realizing she doesn't have a place to go kicked in real quick). Well then the "fun" started to happen. She broke up with him. First thing he said - he's been honest with her from the start. This is us (my husband and I) lying to her and him and trying to keep them apart. Then he started threatening suicide. This scared #3 and she lost it telling us she didn't want him doing it and it be her fault. We tried to assure her that we didn't feel that he was serious and he's trying to manipulate her because she wouldn't talk to him more, but of course we also told her that we would take it seriously and we notified his dad and husband started to text with the kid. We got #3 calmed down and realizing that he was talking to my husband and if he was doing that then he wasn't as serious as he was trying to make it out. We got her in bed and then continued this back and forth with the kid for almost an hour. This text conversation was nothing more than him trying to manipulate us into letting him speak with #3 for "just one minute"... ultimately ending in him finally saying he wasn't thinking or planning anything. Yesterday - #3 appeared to be ok. A little reserved, but talking to us. She went over to her sisters at one point in the afternoon and left her phone. I checked it and saw that they had messaged a couple of times (he's blocked from calling or texting but is on her snapchat). She didn't say much, he was trying to tell her again that this was all our fault (me and husband) for trying to keep them apart and that on Sunday she needed to stand up for herself and tell us why she wanted to leave and he would jump in and support her etc etc. Also told her to let him know when she read it and he would screen shot it and delete it because then if we read her messages again we wouldn't see it.... the kid just does not stop. After dinner, she started taking down her pictures of him. I checked on her again and told her that she needs to block him and if she can't then I will shut down her snapchat completely and she can't talk to her friends either. She said that she didn't want the Sunday meeting to happen. I told her we need to just give that a couple of days and we can decide that day. (I don't mind if it doesn't happen but I also think it will be good for her to do this - to see in person that his dad did not agree to this, feels the same as me and my husband do, and that boyfriend is lying and also to even be faced with the lies she told). I don't know what happened, my guess is she had to say one more thing to him before blocking him (I chalk this up to just being an immature teen) and next thing you know she calls us in. he sent her a picture of him holding a shotgun pointed underneath his chin. And for good measure he was wearing one of her sweatshirts. W.T.F. We had her send us the picture and we sent it to his dad. Husband also called the kid. Against what he would have like to have said to the kid, he did try to talk to him, explain to him our take about this relationship, show understanding that he seems to be having a hard time. Husband offered to get him some help - told the kid he could call him if he needed. Kid tried this time throughout this conversation to tell us again (no disrespect of course) that #3 was the only one keeping him from doing this and now it's our fault that she can't because we won't let her speak to him right then. So just almost as quick as it started, the conversation was over. I'm sure the kid was just trying to get to #3. I think she realized this too because she wasn't nearly as distraught as she was the night before. His dad never replied back to us so who knows what happened on that end. Sadly, on a side note, apparently boyfriend lives with his mom most of the time and things are not going well there (partly because of him staying out all night and skipping school as I understand it) and the dad tried to bring the mom into this when we had the phone call so she would be on the same page and she wants nothing to do with it. SOOO - it's a new day again and we shall see what this brings. The kid is blocked on all accounts (well I have to keep tabs on the snap chat but she knows after last night that when I ask she has to show me and it will take me all of 2 minutes to lock her out the whole app). We have an OP to keep him of of our property (we put that in place right after the discovery he's been sneaking in). We will see how the next couple of days go and then determine if we have this meeting on Sunday. Of course there's still this pregnancy option looming. I will also move forward on planning some searching and doing this drug testing. Thank you all for listening to the saga. Sorry it's so long, but it is helpful to be able to tell the whole story to someone and know that I won't be judged. [/QUOTE]
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