I was in the dark for a long time about my son's activities---he was really, really good at hiding the drug use. One day I went to yoga leaving him alone in the house. When I got there, the class had been cancelled so I came right back home...unexpectedly. I walked into the kitchen from the garage to the sound of feet running fast up the stairs and the smell of pot. I called him on it, and he said I was crazy, he didn't smoke pot and I didn't smell anything. Did the same with his cigarette smoking for months and I believed him because he had talked so badly in the past about smoking. He kept saying, long after he smelled daily of smoke, cigarette burns on the seats in his car, packs everywhere, that it wasn't him smoking, but his friends smoking. I believed him.
That was close to the time my debit card disappeared from my wallet for a few days. I thought I had just stuck in in a jeans pocket. I got online and saw that $60 had been taken out of my checking account...while the card was missing. Then, magically, the card was back in my purse. My son was the only one living here beside me, but I still didn't fully get it, that he did this. How could he do something like this? It was literally beyond my capacity to accept this at that time. I went to the bank, sat down with the manager, and asked him if we could review the video from that day. He said only the police could do that. I said, well I'm 99% sure my son did this but I would like to see it for myself. Really?
I also remember my son's girlfriend calling me, coming over and sitting down with me for 1.5 hours in my living room telling me how scared she was for my son. That 90 minutes was a glimpse into the REAL life that he was leading, right under my nose in my house but I truly had no idea the scope and the depth. She told me about a 60-year-old woman giving him pills. She didn't say how he paid for them. My mind went wild with that. She said he had to drink a "40" every night before they went anywhere. I didn't even know what a 40 was.
He was truly living a life I had no idea about, and he was living right here in this house with me.
We already know things that we don't even know that we know. And MOST of the time we don't know things---how bad things really are---because they are 10 steps ahead of us.
Get on this NOW, Kathy. I say this because my son is now 24 and there are numerous laws in place that protect his privacy from ME. As MWM said, you have just three years to do all you can to help him.
Like someone else said in the past couple of days on a thread, no one ever really WANTS to go to rehab but once they are there, even if they relapse, they have heard things they have never heard before and I believe that goes to a foundation that one day may and will help them once they are finally ready.
It is likely that you have an idea of what is going on, but it is just the tip of the iceberg.
And this thing is and can be so much bigger than you are and your capacity. Get all the help you can.
I pray your son gets his life turned around again quickly and that you can find the strength to do what you need to do. It's hard. Really hard. And you have a right to do what you CAN do and live with today.
It is a process, learning and dealing with all of this. I have been four years on the really hard road with him, although he has always been a challenge. I have changed inch by inch.
Prayers with you all today and lots of warmth and hugs.
I also remember my son's
