15yo smoking...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, Sep 11, 2013.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    But I don't know how to confront her... easy child told me on the way home today that she knows difficult child is smoking when with her boyfriend and friends. She has seen her... but I haven't. Not sure how to bring it up without easy child being in the middle of it. easy child is concerned about it and so am I. But if difficult child finds out that easy child told me, then she will make life miserable for easy child.

    If I tell her I smell smoke on her, difficult child will just say it is other kids... KSM
  2. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Is it possible to blame an unidentified friend of yours, as in "A friend of mine called and said she saw smoking. I told her it couldn't have been you, you don't smoke! Do you?" She'll deny it but she'll be more careful because she won't know how many of your friends might see her.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I like sven's idea although I'm not sure what you can do about it other than cut off her money supply. I found cigarettes in my daughter's purse. I'm very against smoking as it is so horrible for your health so hub and I decided that if she was going to spend her allowance on cigarettes she would have to babysit to get extra money. I also checked her purse a lot and if t here were cigarettes in there ("honest, mom, I'm holding them for a friend!") we just tossed them in the trash can. But I'm sure she smoked anyway, just not where we could see.

    Ultimately, she quit cigarettes on her own. I felt the need to at least let her know how against smoking we were. But we knew she could find ways to smoke if she wanted to.
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    we stopped giving her an allowance for the past year. She had been babysitting some for a neighbor, but all that money went for candy and energy drinks. Now she hardly ever gets a chance to babysit so doesn't have money. Right now, I think she is just in the "bum one from a friend" mode. She doesn't usually carry a purse, but I will be checking to see if she does. I talked to easy child some more and she has only seen her smoke once... and that was last night. No other people were around who could have seen her. easy child is afraid if difficult child knows she is the one telling me stuff, then she won't be able to get info from her.

    THe other problem... we just started BC pills a couple months ago - and smoking and taking BC pills are a big no no. difficult child is good at lying and deflecting questions, so I am sure she won't admit to it.

    Still so mad. difficult child's biggest fear is that she will turn out like her biomom... but she won't even open her eyes and see that she is following the same path... making the same mistakes... hanging out with the wrong people... not doing her school work to her ability. I hate to see this downward spiral.