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16 year old aggressive behavior
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 708326" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>So much of what you describe is typical "difficult child."</p><p></p><p>The lack of motivation; rage and hostility; social withdrawal; adhd; volatility; argumentative, defensive.</p><p></p><p>He may be depressed. In young men depression can manifest as agitation and aggression.</p><p></p><p>I would keep a wide berth from him until you figure out what is going on. For right now I would not focus on the interactions and conflict so much: this may be missing the forest for the trees. Clearly he is impossible. And it seems like he is suffering. You and he and the family will be helped if you know what is going on inside of him. The less conflict there is, the calmer he will be and the more likely to talk about it he will be.</p><p></p><p><u>I would tell him clearly what the consequences are of serious misbehavior: If he touches anybody aggressively or threatens, the police will be called. And I would follow through.</u></p><p></p><p>Does he have any hobbies? You say he does virtually nothing after school although he has friends. Are there sports or other recreational pursuits that interest him, like martial arts or music or fishing or camping? Something special that might entice him. Is he academically inclined where he might be interested in taking a college class? Some hobbies like art, or model-making or woodwork, running, fishing are solitary. Would something like this interest him do you think?</p><p></p><p>I would take him to his pediatrician and describe this behavioral change. I would ask for a referral to a child psychotherapist.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like school is OK, and his behavior is worse at home: have there been any changes in the family; any particular stress; is his health OK? In the family is there a relationship that is difficult or any that are trouble free? Has he suffered any losses lately or could he have been hurt by somebody that you may be unaware of?</p><p></p><p>Do you have a religious affiliation and does he participate? Is there somebody there you can reach out to?</p><p></p><p>My son was miserable during these years he says retrospectively. I focused on the conflict too much and not so much on his distress. We did see a therapist but my son always acted like I was the problem. He did participate in martial arts and he went to a gym. He always had a close friend, for which I am grateful.</p><p>Our troubles went on in one form or another for 10 years.</p><p></p><p>This is why it is crucially important that you learn how to be OK, and that you look for your peace and your joy. Do you fish, do art, have hobbies, spiritual and social activities, and the support you need?</p><p></p><p>Most of us when we find this forum have run dry...we have focused to long outside of ourselves, and we no longer have what it takes to sustain ourselves let alone our families. You will find a great deal of support here. It is important, too, to look to what you can do to enrich your own life every day.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I hope you keep posting. It does help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 708326, member: 18958"] So much of what you describe is typical "difficult child." The lack of motivation; rage and hostility; social withdrawal; adhd; volatility; argumentative, defensive. He may be depressed. In young men depression can manifest as agitation and aggression. I would keep a wide berth from him until you figure out what is going on. For right now I would not focus on the interactions and conflict so much: this may be missing the forest for the trees. Clearly he is impossible. And it seems like he is suffering. You and he and the family will be helped if you know what is going on inside of him. The less conflict there is, the calmer he will be and the more likely to talk about it he will be. [U]I would tell him clearly what the consequences are of serious misbehavior: If he touches anybody aggressively or threatens, the police will be called. And I would follow through.[/U] Does he have any hobbies? You say he does virtually nothing after school although he has friends. Are there sports or other recreational pursuits that interest him, like martial arts or music or fishing or camping? Something special that might entice him. Is he academically inclined where he might be interested in taking a college class? Some hobbies like art, or model-making or woodwork, running, fishing are solitary. Would something like this interest him do you think? I would take him to his pediatrician and describe this behavioral change. I would ask for a referral to a child psychotherapist. It sounds like school is OK, and his behavior is worse at home: have there been any changes in the family; any particular stress; is his health OK? In the family is there a relationship that is difficult or any that are trouble free? Has he suffered any losses lately or could he have been hurt by somebody that you may be unaware of? Do you have a religious affiliation and does he participate? Is there somebody there you can reach out to? My son was miserable during these years he says retrospectively. I focused on the conflict too much and not so much on his distress. We did see a therapist but my son always acted like I was the problem. He did participate in martial arts and he went to a gym. He always had a close friend, for which I am grateful. Our troubles went on in one form or another for 10 years. This is why it is crucially important that you learn how to be OK, and that you look for your peace and your joy. Do you fish, do art, have hobbies, spiritual and social activities, and the support you need? Most of us when we find this forum have run dry...we have focused to long outside of ourselves, and we no longer have what it takes to sustain ourselves let alone our families. You will find a great deal of support here. It is important, too, to look to what you can do to enrich your own life every day. Welcome. I hope you keep posting. It does help. [/QUOTE]
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