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16 year old aggressive behavior
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 708344" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Hi there,</p><p></p><p>Allow to me add my voice to the chorus. I am sorry you have to be here, but you won't find a more welcoming or understanding place on the Internet.</p><p></p><p>If you like, you can review my posts over the past year to have an idea of what my famlly has gone through with our difficult child. He is currently 16 and lives with his father (my wife's ex). Many years of problems and all of them identical to the list Copacabana provided. From early years of underachieving despite a very high intellect; social isolation; eventual school failure, truancy, violence in the home, drug and alcohol abuse, we have seen it all. The only thing he has not done is threaten to harm himself. We didn't see him for almost an entire year-he just flat quit speaking to us. To be honest that was preferable - without the break in contact, I honestly believe he would have seriously injured, or even killed, my wife (his mother). My wife and her ex-husband just allowed him to withdraw from his high school and is now attending an online school. He would have dropped out otherwise and they felt it was the best option to keep him on track for a diploma. </p><p></p><p>We have issues with his parents not being on the same page as to holding him accountable, and difficult child exploits that. The parent he lives with is the permissive one, and he does as he pleases with no structure or rules. He has grown accustomed to that lifestyle and it will continue. We can do nothing and my wife feels going to family court, when this child is about to turn 17 years old, would not be productive as he will soon be a legal adult. If I could offer one nugget of advice that would be to get on the same page with his father regardless of whether you are together or not. Otherwise nothing will likely change unless your son, himself, decides he wants to change. In our case difficult child is enabled and will not change.</p><p></p><p>Recently, I have accepted that I cannot change him or the dysfunctional family situation (I married into the family when he was 13). If my wife wants a relationship with her son she has to play by his rules. He will accept no authority from anyone. If he doesn't like what you have to say, he'll simply leave - if he cannot escape, he will lash out with violence. He drives now and drove to our new home for a family dinner yesterday. He brought his 15 year old girlfriend with him along with his 14 year old brother. We had a pleasant time as a family. I suspect that after they left they stopped to run a drug related "errand" but that is neither my business, nor my problem. I have to constantly monitor myself for over-involvement and check myself when I get out of line.</p><p></p><p>As his parent you have to do what is best for him, even if it sends him into a rage and is the last thing he wants. That didn't happen with my stepson. I hope it can happen in your family. I agree that he needs to be away from you and your other children. Their lives cannot be ruined because he is out of control.</p><p></p><p>Please keep us posted, you are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 708344, member: 13303"] Hi there, Allow to me add my voice to the chorus. I am sorry you have to be here, but you won't find a more welcoming or understanding place on the Internet. If you like, you can review my posts over the past year to have an idea of what my famlly has gone through with our difficult child. He is currently 16 and lives with his father (my wife's ex). Many years of problems and all of them identical to the list Copacabana provided. From early years of underachieving despite a very high intellect; social isolation; eventual school failure, truancy, violence in the home, drug and alcohol abuse, we have seen it all. The only thing he has not done is threaten to harm himself. We didn't see him for almost an entire year-he just flat quit speaking to us. To be honest that was preferable - without the break in contact, I honestly believe he would have seriously injured, or even killed, my wife (his mother). My wife and her ex-husband just allowed him to withdraw from his high school and is now attending an online school. He would have dropped out otherwise and they felt it was the best option to keep him on track for a diploma. We have issues with his parents not being on the same page as to holding him accountable, and difficult child exploits that. The parent he lives with is the permissive one, and he does as he pleases with no structure or rules. He has grown accustomed to that lifestyle and it will continue. We can do nothing and my wife feels going to family court, when this child is about to turn 17 years old, would not be productive as he will soon be a legal adult. If I could offer one nugget of advice that would be to get on the same page with his father regardless of whether you are together or not. Otherwise nothing will likely change unless your son, himself, decides he wants to change. In our case difficult child is enabled and will not change. Recently, I have accepted that I cannot change him or the dysfunctional family situation (I married into the family when he was 13). If my wife wants a relationship with her son she has to play by his rules. He will accept no authority from anyone. If he doesn't like what you have to say, he'll simply leave - if he cannot escape, he will lash out with violence. He drives now and drove to our new home for a family dinner yesterday. He brought his 15 year old girlfriend with him along with his 14 year old brother. We had a pleasant time as a family. I suspect that after they left they stopped to run a drug related "errand" but that is neither my business, nor my problem. I have to constantly monitor myself for over-involvement and check myself when I get out of line. As his parent you have to do what is best for him, even if it sends him into a rage and is the last thing he wants. That didn't happen with my stepson. I hope it can happen in your family. I agree that he needs to be away from you and your other children. Their lives cannot be ruined because he is out of control. Please keep us posted, you are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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