16 year old daughter moved out to live with dad

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Brokenmom, Jan 17, 2014.

  1. Brokenmom

    Brokenmom New Member

    Hi, I am a broken mom, my 16 year old daughter and I in the past month have been clashing terribly. This Dec we went away, she had her friends around the whole holiday with us, and proceeded to become too big for her boots. So we had a couple of arguments, the last on resulting her actually calling her friends father to come and fetch them. She went back home and stayed with her father.

    My daughter and I has always been terribly close, just recently she has got new friends, and they have this new thing of constantly going out everywhere with these group of girls, getting the sloth like attitude at home and she loves telling me what she is going to do, not asking me.

    Yesterday was the final blow out, I phoned her on my way home from work, and she had got a lift from school to see friends at the sports grounds, then she said she was going out to a party and sleeping out. I moaned at her for not telling me, she proceeded to tell me that she has asked her father. In discussion with her father, he recalls nothing (but he tends to half listen anyways). I called her back to tell her she was to come straight home from where she was, as she needs to ask and respect. This proceeded in a nasty row. She sent me texts to say she would not get in the car with me, she had contacted her father to collect her. Her father was in discussion with me, and supporting me. So I went to fetch her, which was terrible. She said she didnt want to see me ever again, she was leaving my house to live with her father. By now she also knows she has had all her privileges taken away, during our argument it went from 1 week to a month (her dad will stick to it). So I called her dad to fetch her.

    The thing is, her dad and I have been divorced for 9 years, we really do work well together with our children, both very active parents. We live close by, and share alot with our children together, and always try and support each other. The children use my house as the centre point and I have an aupair who runs after them. Then in the evenings they either sleep at my exs house or mine.

    I am one broken lady, I cannot stop crying, please tell me what I have done wrong
  2. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Hi brokenmom I'm glad you found us but sorry you needed to. You probably haven't done anything wrong or if you did you did the best you knew how to. Kids expect perfection out of parents and none of us are perfect. Many use how we failed to manipulate us into letting them have what they want not what they need or anything a responsible parent would let them have.

    Sometimes finding logic in a 16yo's behaviors is like trying to nail jello to a tree. It's good that you & your X are able to work together like that, many married couples can't seem to agree on how to handle kids and you two working together will definitely be an asset. Welcome to the group

  3. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Oh lordy the histrionics and drama of girls this age! I don't know if your daughter has any behavioral or mental health issues (aside from the insanity, usually temporary, of being a hormone-ravaged teenager), but this will probably pass in time. This is just my experience from raising three teenaged girls, although one did go on to get herself into fairly serious trouble in her early twenties, but she was a sweet, shy, compliant little thing and we never had a harsh word between us. I know you must be hurting, but we're here for you. I often said I wanted to send them to a sheep farm in Australia, especially one of them. Blargh. I hope it blows over sooner rather than later. Believe, I'm not discounting your pain, because I've felt it.
  4. Brokenmom

    Brokenmom New Member

    Wow thanks for your quick responses!

    I have taken the "tough love" route and sent her a message to let her know I loved her and if she needed to chat she must call me. I dont know what else to do, do I just leave her now, and not communicate and let her come to me?

    I have told the Aupair that my daughter is not allowed to go anywhere other than school and her sports.

    I am so lost, I communicate with her all through a day usually, I am so lost!

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
  5. 3boyzmom

    3boyzmom New Member

    Hang in there! The hardest thing is to not call her, but let her call you when she cools off. I had two of my three boys decide to live with their dad - my challenge went when he was in 6th grade and my other went when he was 17. My ex and I do NOT get along (he likes to beat up women and is very abusive emotionally and mentally to his kids). She will be okay and you are very lucky that you and the ex get along. You know she is safe and you can stay in touch with him to make sure of that.

    I didn't have girl to raise but know that I was absolutely horrible to my mother at that age. Trying to find who I was, what group I fit with, where I was going - it's very hard for them. But it in no way makes it okay for her to disrespect you!

    Stand your ground - ask God for guidance and protection of your girl - and go on with your daily life. "This too shall pass."