16 Yrs.....and knows everything!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by krazylilworld, Nov 21, 2007.

  1. krazylilworld

    krazylilworld New Member

    I have not posted on here in quite a while....I have been pretty sick but think I've got it licked now. My oldest turned 16 in september and be darned if right away he thought he knew everything. He waited until I was in the HOSPITAL to make his move. Then when he does it he called me at the Hospital to let me know that he moved out but needs a letter from me for Welfare stating that he can no longer live at home. Why do they do this to us? I mean we give them everything they want and need and then they wait until we are most vulnerable to go and do something like this! WHY? is my question. What did I do that was so aweful to him?
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    What an awful thing for him to pull while you're down and out.

    Personally, he wouldn't get a letter from me. If he wants to be independent let him get a job.

    I don't know you're laws up there. Can he just up and move out and there is nothing you can do to stop him?
  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending some hugs. I don'tknow what process they go through to decide things but I would probably tell him no letter either.

  4. Arttillygirl

    Arttillygirl New Member

    It's ironic that they can move out before they are 18 but I had a judge tell a friend of mine "You are legally responsible for his actions until he is 18 whether he lives with you or not." Isn't that just great!?
    Tread carefully
  5. coalminer1235

    coalminer1235 New Member

    I had a similar situation with my oldest daughter. At 15 she was spending the summer with her grandparents and got pregnant by her 22 year old boyfriend. She decided she would stay there and live with the boyfriend until she was old enough to get married (I and my ex-wife both refused to sign for her to marry underage.) When she called to discuss this decision with me I remember exactly what I said to her, "it's for the best that you do this now while you still know everything, as you get older you'll be too dumb to pull it off." I assume she didn't have the option of welfare, or didn't check into it, but the last phone call I got from her for about a year was one wanting to know where her child support was and why I wasn't sending it directly to her. I got a good laugh out of that, a self-proclaimed "adult" asking for "child" support.

    Here's the possible silver lining. At 19 I visited her and we had a tear filled session where she apologized for everything she had done as a teenager. It seems that the real world can teach them things that we can't, *if* they are willing and have the ability to learn. Cross your fingers that he is willing and does have the ability. Otherwise, learn to accept that you did the best you knew how to do and that he is in charge now.

    A neighbor of mine had 16 kids and was known for saying "if you haven't had at least one kid wind up in prison or worse, then you haven't fully experienced being a parent." It's been hard, but I'm learning to accept that there are limits to what can be accomplished as a parent. Once they hit puberty, my credibility went flying out the window and it doesn't seem to come back until they suffer in the real world a bit, if it comes back at all.

    My advice would be to be patient and be available. Don't let him starve or freeze to death, but it won't hurt him to be cold and hungry from time to time. Remind him that you love him and that you believe in him and you know he can make it on his own without welfare. Adversity allows people to develop to their full potential, don't rob him of his adversity.

  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yuck! I wouldn't sign anything. If you are held responsible for him, then he better be under your roof and subjected to your rules.
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I don't know your laws, but I would be worried about repercussions if I signed a letter stating that my 16 year old child could not live at home.

    I think most 16 year olds think they know everything. My 16 year old easy child/PITA (PITA most days lately) has told me repeatedly that if I just listened to him and did what he said everything would be different. He knew I was going to have a heart attack even though NONE of my doctors even looked at my heart. :rolleyes: He conveniently forgets the part where he was calling me lazy when I was really sick.

    It seems like I'm only liking that kid about every third day anymore. :thumbsdown:

    So sorry he's being such a PITA to you. They can smell weakness.