I had a similar situation with my oldest daughter. At 15 she was spending the summer with her grandparents and got pregnant by her 22 year old boyfriend. She decided she would stay there and live with the boyfriend until she was old enough to get married (I and my ex-wife both refused to sign for her to marry underage.) When she called to discuss this decision with me I remember exactly what I said to her, "it's for the best that you do this now while you still know everything, as you get older you'll be too dumb to pull it off." I assume she didn't have the option of welfare, or didn't check into it, but the last phone call I got from her for about a year was one wanting to know where her child support was and why I wasn't sending it directly to her. I got a good laugh out of that, a self-proclaimed "adult" asking for "child" support.
Here's the possible silver lining. At 19 I visited her and we had a tear filled session where she apologized for everything she had done as a teenager. It seems that the real world can teach them things that we can't, *if* they are willing and have the ability to learn. Cross your fingers that he is willing and does have the ability. Otherwise, learn to accept that you did the best you knew how to do and that he is in charge now.
A neighbor of mine had 16 kids and was known for saying "if you haven't had at least one kid wind up in prison or worse, then you haven't fully experienced being a parent." It's been hard, but I'm learning to accept that there are limits to what can be accomplished as a parent. Once they hit puberty, my credibility went flying out the window and it doesn't seem to come back until they suffer in the real world a bit, if it comes back at all.
My advice would be to be patient and be available. Don't let him starve or freeze to death, but it won't hurt him to be cold and hungry from time to time. Remind him that you love him and that you believe in him and you know he can make it on his own without welfare. Adversity allows people to develop to their full potential, don't rob him of his adversity.
griznog
