166 more to go

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Sep 22, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    That's how many days left. Holding my breath each day. I have been so overwhelmed. I just cannot take it. difficult child may have made 3 days without being removed from some class.

    We had the police chase/lockdown. Broken computer, broken car on top of everyday issues with difficult child and me being sick this week.

    I begged him Thursday to please be good, I don't feel good and don't want to handle school issues. Nope. can't do it. Gets home and tells me he was removed from math. Now, difficult child has always done math in his head. Don't know how he does it, teachers would watch him and never asked for his work. not so this year. I voiced my concern on this in our first meeting. Math teacher said she requires them to show their work. Ok.
    Thursday he tells me he asked her if his work was correct. She said yes but he didn't show his work. He didn't know what she wanted, she tried to tell him, he didn't get it, continued to ask and he gets removed. I just blew up at him. Then comes the email. The part he left out was that after they were both getting frustrated teacher said all the math teachers require the same procedure...difficult child walked away and said, "they can all go jump off a bridge". So..now I have another meeting on Monday.

    i tried talking to him, but I get so frustrated. I just don't understand WHY! I end up saying things I don't mean. Like, because of his actions nobody in our house gets along. I would rather move away than deal with this everyday.

    He said they were both frustrated and he couldn't find his "cool off pass" he JUST got it. But, so did each of his teachers. They each have a big note (I saw it) and IEP states when teacher/student feels anxiety/frustration levels rising he is to use his cool off pass. Didn't and he blurts that out. He was wrong. I tried talking to him before school and he just stares at me like I am nuts. I have to ask him to answer. And his answer is always the same. "I don't know".

    I told him he was to go for the extra help session Friday after school. (Tuesday before school, Friday's after school). I told him there he can find out how she wants it done.

    He called about an hour after school starts to ask me if he can use the computer for an essay question.(IEP states he can use computer for any "free form" writing assignment) So, I tell him that. Told him to go find the spec. ed. teacher to have that question answered.

    Comes home after the extra help session. Excited. Said he didn't get in any trouble and he really felt good about himself. Nobody on his back telling him to shut up. Did the essay question on the computer as well as a science assignment. Learned how to do his math the correct way and finished that in the extra help session. :whew:

    Ok. Still have a meeting on Monday. Also, this was ONE day. I guess I have to go one at a time. Just cannot handle all of this. Been an eventful week. Not in the good way.

    He does excellent poems and story writing. But chooses to do most assignments at home because he is afraid others will make fun of him. He told me he has so many thoughts and idea's racing through his head he can't write fast enough so the computer really helps.

    One Plus here...he used the computer at school on Friday. I asked him if anyone said anything to him. He said yea, they asked why he gets to. he replied, "because I am special".

    Not looking forward to meeting on Monday!
  2. Jessica mom of 2

    Jessica mom of 2 New Member

    Poor thing!

    I feel for our difficult child's! They often do what they can and try there best and it doesn't pay off very often. I am not sure how old he is, but if old enough to understand you could explain what happens when kids don't complete task, follow directions, and make good grades, repeat a grade. Maybe if he knew that he may put more effort into listening to what teachers are wanting and asking for. Not saying that he isn't listening or doing what he is asked to do but letting him know the long term consequences ahead of time.

    Keep us posted!
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    He truly has my sympathy. I'm one of those who has no clue how I get the answer in math, I just do. I can remember an almost-daily battle with my calculus teacher about showing the work (previously, I -- not my parents -- would meet with the teachers at the beginning of the year and explain this and show them what I knew to date. It worked for most of them, but not this teacher. He was adamant I show my work. Try as I might, I couldn't do it. I could give him the answer, but I couldn't show it. The same was true with diagramming a sentence. I could tell you all the parts but I couldn't diagram it.

    After the first quarter and my first ever bad grade in math, my father went and talked to th calculus teacher. It took him three hours to convince that teacher that I truly couldn't do it and I had to spend another hour proving I wasn't coming up with the answers by cheating. After that, he would try to help me show the work and when it was obviously not getting through to me even though I had the answer, he would simply grade me on my answers.

    I hope he did get the help he needed and can now show his work. For some of us, the spatial diagram in any form is just painful to deal with.

    As to losing his cool pass, I'd simply make up a bunch of them and give them to him as needed. ADHD kids (and adults) are notorious for losing anything not permanently attached. Not their fault, just the nature of their beast.
  4. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    difficult child gets good grades. Gets his work done. Has a real problem showing his work. He never had to before. He is 12, advanced a grade and tests well above other students at his grade level.
    He should of used his pass, or teacher should of felt the frustration that he didn't get what she was saying and asked him to use his cool off pass.

    He did say after staying for extra help Friday night that he "finally" gets what she wants. I hope.

    LOL..permanantly attached. They attached it to his lanyard. So, if he doesn't lose his ID, he will have his pass!

    Previous teachers have told me they have taken him aside, watched him do it and they just don't know how he does it, but they do see him do it...alone. That is why he has always been able to get away with not showing his work. Just not this year.
  5. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    My 12 year old easy child is the same way in math. In fact, he received two 0's on his progress report for not showing his work. He's been this way as far back as I can remember. I remember his 3rd grade math teacher writing a note home saying "easy child refused to do his work in class and put his head down on his desk." I was fuming and grounded him. Then when I hear his side of the story after he threw a huge fit and we were both mad, we calmed down and talked and I found out he just didn't show how he got the answer. At that point I was peeved with the teacher. She made it sound like he didn't do it at all. I called and chewed her out. I explained how important it was that she be specific about what happened in school and not make it out to be something awful when it was something simple. She never really liked me after that, oh well! This year I just told him that they require it, now that ne knows this, I require it too. I still don't think he should have gotten two 0's because of it.

    Sorry it's been such a rough week! I hope your weekend is calmer.
  6. Our difficult child has always had the same reluctance about showing his work in math. But the key component to Algebra, Geometry, Trig, and Calculus is the process - not necessarily the product. Proofs are what higher mathematics are all about. The math teacher knows that it is vital that all of their students learn the process of writing a proof in order to "do the work".

    A sld such as Dyscalcula(sp?) could make someone have great difficulty with this process. Otherwise, it just might be an unwillingness to slow down and show the process. (Our difficult child thinks it is boring). The discipline of mathematics is very rigid, and I'm afraid that this bridge must be crossed. Sometimes an older student can assist with this in tutoring. difficult child worked with a couple of tutors from a local university and it was enormously helpful! They could accomplish what dear old Mom and Dad couldnt.
  7. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I would ask if it can be added to his IEP that he doesn't have to show his work in math. I never understood why they require this when I was a kid and I still don't.

    I was the same as your difficult child. I did it in my head but if I tried to show my work I would come up with the wrong answer because it just isn't how my brain works. :hammer:

    It just isn't worth the stress to force it in my opinion.

    You have had way too much on your shoulders lately. Sounds like you need some time to yourself.

  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow~ I couldn't have said that better myself. I think I'll use that with your permission when my students ask why they have to show the work.

    Here's a view from the other side. . .

    In advanced high school mathematics, it is very important to show the work. Most problems require multiple steps to find the solution. If the student just shows the answer and it is wrong, then I can't look back and help them see what they are doing wrong and we can't fix the problem. Then they will continue making the same mistakes over and over again.

    I always assign the odd problems in the textbook for homework so students can check their answers. They find this very helpful in identifying if they understand the material and what they should ask me about the next day. Some students simply copy the answers out of the back of the book. To stop this, I require that they show the work so I can tell that they really put effort into the homework.

    When it comes to assessments, I tell them that they don't have to show the work. However, I give partial credit when I can see the steps and identify that they had at least a partial understanding of the problem or that they simply made a careless arithmetic error. I can't do that if they just give the answer. In that case, they lose all of the points.

  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Very true about math.
    Sounds like a good idea if he can use the computer at home and actually finish everything.

    I would rather move away than deal with this everyday.

    I know what you mean!!!
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I'm right there with ya, about knowing the answer and not knowing how I got there.

    What I think is hilarious is that you COUNTED the days till the end of the school year.
  11. Wow, is it really that many more days before summer? I think it is really cool that you counted the days too. Summer is sooooo much more calm around our house!

    Kathy , please feel free to use my thoughts about math with your students. My dad was a mathematician and he instilled a genuine love of math in me. I hated my math classes in high school, though, no offense. :smile: I don't know why but math really started clicking for me in college - and it's been a love affair every since that time. I had some awesome math professors!