Hi, first time on this website. Hope I'm in the right spot to ask for some advice, I'm pretty desperate.
First, the background: I have a 16yo son who was diagnosed ADHD first in kindergarten. Developed anxiety/panic in junior high. Also has had dysthimia and ODD (But has learned to manage his ODD a lot better in the past year). He's always struggled: social cues, making friends, keeping friends, organization, time management... on an on. Executive functions and lots of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) issues (although no formal Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis). I've always had him in therapy, on medications (which help a ton), horse therapy, social skills classes (worked wonders!). He and I are super close, probably a little co-dependent. I raised him as a single mom until he was 8 and I got married. He's sensitive, shy, funny and has a good heart. His bio dad was around briefly when he was a toddler for a few months and then he was gone never to be heard from again. Bio dad has issues: addiction, depression and probably more but I'm not sure. If I had to guess I would say bipolar?
My son has always struggled in life. Never fits in. Tries so hard but never measures up. Last year I sent him to a ADHD camp in the Keys over Christmas break. It was a stretch for our budget but I wanted him to go have fun and see that he is not "a freak" or "retarded", and to be with kids like him. To see that he's not alone. After initial separation anxiety, he handled it like a champ. His counselor later said he was "the glue that held the group together... he lifted people up, helped people get along, emerged as THE leader." Words never spoken about my boy before... I was beyond moved and so happy he had finally had an experience where others could see him shine the way I saw him.
He then had his best school year on record. His IEP was working, he had a couple friends for the first time EVER, he seemed happy. Then summer hit. We gave him freedom because he had been doing so well and we wanted to reward him. Things started sliding, he was acting "off". Behaviors which we hadn't seen in awhile started creeping in: lying, hoarding sugar, etc. He showed up with lots of new stuff claiming they were gifts from his friend. Never felt right. Finally in August he began confessing to a summer of trouble. It began with his friends breaking into cars and stealing cash, small items and a gun. It quickly escalated with my son getting addicted to the "thrill". He stole from church, from his grandma (7K), from countless people around town. He tried pot and liked it so he decided to try cocaine, oxy, meth, and even "something in a needle, not sure what." (No the needle wasn't clean. He's negative for diseases so far, thank God.) The kicker is teh cash... most of what he stole he gave away. He claims his friends hung around more when he gave them money.
When asked about how or why, he doesn't know. He says he felt guilty for the thefts so just started using drugs to escape. He spent a couple days in a psychiatric hospital in August, got out and then used a different drug at school each day he was out. He went back and has been inpatient the last month.
I'm befuddled. What happened to my boy with anxiety? (He remarks he doesn't have it anymore, he is bold.) How did we get here? He has said he's obsessed with stealing and will do it again... that he can't control his impulses. Says the same thing for drugs. He will be out of treatment in 30 days.
In my state, the max for a first time juvenile offender is 4 months probation. My husband and family are terrified of what we see emerging in him and do not feel safe having him come home. He's become an expert liar, he has pills hidden at home but doesn't remember or won't say where. He's gone too far and done too much to just come back with probation, right? How do we possibly keep him safe? How and where did this go SO WRONG? and SO FAST?
Does anyone have a similar experience? I'm so lost at the thought of my boy who was doing SO well 6 months ago to now looking at an out of home placement for the next year. I search for hope, I search for a catalyst for this remarkable change in him. How did we get to this conduct disorder diagnosis and how can I save him from himself? So many questions, I'm still in pure shock and feel so lost as to know how to move forward.
First, the background: I have a 16yo son who was diagnosed ADHD first in kindergarten. Developed anxiety/panic in junior high. Also has had dysthimia and ODD (But has learned to manage his ODD a lot better in the past year). He's always struggled: social cues, making friends, keeping friends, organization, time management... on an on. Executive functions and lots of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) issues (although no formal Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis). I've always had him in therapy, on medications (which help a ton), horse therapy, social skills classes (worked wonders!). He and I are super close, probably a little co-dependent. I raised him as a single mom until he was 8 and I got married. He's sensitive, shy, funny and has a good heart. His bio dad was around briefly when he was a toddler for a few months and then he was gone never to be heard from again. Bio dad has issues: addiction, depression and probably more but I'm not sure. If I had to guess I would say bipolar?
My son has always struggled in life. Never fits in. Tries so hard but never measures up. Last year I sent him to a ADHD camp in the Keys over Christmas break. It was a stretch for our budget but I wanted him to go have fun and see that he is not "a freak" or "retarded", and to be with kids like him. To see that he's not alone. After initial separation anxiety, he handled it like a champ. His counselor later said he was "the glue that held the group together... he lifted people up, helped people get along, emerged as THE leader." Words never spoken about my boy before... I was beyond moved and so happy he had finally had an experience where others could see him shine the way I saw him.
He then had his best school year on record. His IEP was working, he had a couple friends for the first time EVER, he seemed happy. Then summer hit. We gave him freedom because he had been doing so well and we wanted to reward him. Things started sliding, he was acting "off". Behaviors which we hadn't seen in awhile started creeping in: lying, hoarding sugar, etc. He showed up with lots of new stuff claiming they were gifts from his friend. Never felt right. Finally in August he began confessing to a summer of trouble. It began with his friends breaking into cars and stealing cash, small items and a gun. It quickly escalated with my son getting addicted to the "thrill". He stole from church, from his grandma (7K), from countless people around town. He tried pot and liked it so he decided to try cocaine, oxy, meth, and even "something in a needle, not sure what." (No the needle wasn't clean. He's negative for diseases so far, thank God.) The kicker is teh cash... most of what he stole he gave away. He claims his friends hung around more when he gave them money.
When asked about how or why, he doesn't know. He says he felt guilty for the thefts so just started using drugs to escape. He spent a couple days in a psychiatric hospital in August, got out and then used a different drug at school each day he was out. He went back and has been inpatient the last month.
I'm befuddled. What happened to my boy with anxiety? (He remarks he doesn't have it anymore, he is bold.) How did we get here? He has said he's obsessed with stealing and will do it again... that he can't control his impulses. Says the same thing for drugs. He will be out of treatment in 30 days.
In my state, the max for a first time juvenile offender is 4 months probation. My husband and family are terrified of what we see emerging in him and do not feel safe having him come home. He's become an expert liar, he has pills hidden at home but doesn't remember or won't say where. He's gone too far and done too much to just come back with probation, right? How do we possibly keep him safe? How and where did this go SO WRONG? and SO FAST?
Does anyone have a similar experience? I'm so lost at the thought of my boy who was doing SO well 6 months ago to now looking at an out of home placement for the next year. I search for hope, I search for a catalyst for this remarkable change in him. How did we get to this conduct disorder diagnosis and how can I save him from himself? So many questions, I'm still in pure shock and feel so lost as to know how to move forward.