I am sorry that you needed to find us, but am glad to meet you. The next few years are likely going to be very difficult for your family. I strongly suggest that you and your husband see a therapist together so that you are on the same page as you deal with the very challenging situation with your son. I really wish that my husband and I had done this as we dealt with our very difficult son. I think it would have helped our entire family and our marriage. It would have kept our son from being able to triangulate and work us against each other also. It is incredibly important that you and your husband present a united front to your son no matter what.
I strongly suggest reading the book Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic. It won't fix everything, but it can give you some concrete ideas. I would also insist that your son take some very real responsibilities for himself. Many things that kids think of as necessities are actually privileges, and I would take those away as long as he is abusing substances and skipping school. Given the lack of respect, the verbal abuse, the property destruction, etc...., you may want to consider a CHINS petition (child in need of supervision) with the court. It pretty much gives him a probation officer who will drug test him, give him a curfew and rules, and it makes the court the bad guy. The other option is to crack down yourself.
You are required to provide clothing for him, but not clothing he likes. I would remove the clothing he likes and leave seven basic outfits and a pair of shoes. I would leave his school books, his bed, sheets, his blanket, pillow, lamp, probably some fiction, and mostly remove everything else from his room. I would cancel his phone, his other technology, lock up his other items. I would be searching his room on a very regular basis. If I let him keep a phone, it would be a very basic one that I would keep a GPS tracker on. I would make sure he knew that I owned his room and had the absolute right to search it any time I felt the urge (my kids know this and have always know this). Doing much of ANYTHING would have to be earned, and every single day he would have to prove that he went to school, that he did his work at school, that he turned in his work at school, and that he did his work at home. He would have to work to get a job after school, and he would end up doing hard physical labor to pay for any property damage or disrespect.
We did this with my son during his teen years. My father was a junior high and high school teacher and swore it was the best way to get through to difficult boys. While I was unable to do the hours of yard work with my son, my husband and father both worked with him for hours and hours and hours as he learned that he WOULD end up working off the disrespect and damage to property that he created. Eventually my son decided it was better to moderate his behavior rather than to spend all of his free time doing endless yard work.
I don't know that this will fix your son's behavioral choices, but it is all I can think of in the time you have left before he becomes an adult. I urge you to cut off the funds for his luxuries and to make him work hard to earn those things with good behavior and hard work. Make sure that any privileges he pays for are bought with money he earns from legitimate work and not from marijuana sales.
As for the driving while stoned and without knowing how to drive, this is so incredibly dangerous. Please do more than just hide the keys. If you cannot disable the cars, turn your son in if you know he is driving. I realize it will seriously impact his future, but not nearly as much as hurting or killing someone because he was driving while stoned. The younger brother of a close friend accidentally killed a teen on a bicycle just after he got his license. This was over 30 years ago and still causes nightmares. It was not his fault, it was the fault of the bike rider (no light, all dark clothing, after dark, crossed the road less than ten feet in front of his car, he was driving under the speed limit) but it caused major problems in many areas of his life and even his doctor and therapists remarked that a DUI would have been easier to recover from than the aftermath of this accident. So there are worse things than the aftermath of the legal system.
I am NOT saying that you should turn your son in. I am not saying not to. You have to make that decision. I am saying that you MUST make sure that he is not able to operate your vehicles under any circumstances. It is pretty easy to remove fuses and put them back in (the owner's manual has directions and they are cheap to replace) and if you pull the right ones the car won't start or run until they are replaced. This is a guarantee that he cannot drive the car unless he can figure out how to fix the fuses. You just have to be sure that he doesn't see you fix the fuses before you drive him somewhere.
These are just ideas. You don't have to follow any of them. Whatever you decide, know that we are here and will support you. I am so sorry that your son is making such poor choices and is being so disrespectful to you.