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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
17 year old son has us feeling trapped
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<blockquote data-quote="Concerned parent" data-source="post: 702727" data-attributes="member: 21045"><p>Thanks so much for your responses. I am still getting the hang of this discussion forum, so please bear with me in the learning curve. We have secured our spare keys in a lock box, which is hidden away. We will look into other means of disabling our cars, but he is a very smart kid, and always seems 12 steps ahead of us. We are terrified , yes,that he will kill or maim another person by driving the car without skill or legal privilege or possibly, sobriety. We will dial 911 again immediately if it happens again. Also appreciate the reminder to take away the luxury items such as his favorite foods (we will provide basic nutritional items), the phone, etc. He has long standing anxiety issues and a pretty severe learning disability. It seems when he started high school all of the prior empathy and emotional intelligence he had once exhibited got shoved aside as he has had a hard time fitting in with peers and struggled in school. All of that cautiousness he had before that time has become just the opposite with very scary risk taking. We will take away his allowance, which is a small monthly amount, as well as put up other limits so that being home is not like living in a hotel with room service. He does go to therapy weekly, but I think avoids dealing with these issues by focusing on girlfriend drama or other distractions. He is likely using pot to self medicate. He has connected with a "friend" who has dropped out of school at age 18 and lives at home, has no job, and has been in and out of living at home. I appreciate this board so much. There is such fatigue and shame and isolation which we feel, and it is hell not being able to trust a child who once seemed to care about his integrity, once was a rule follower. He is adopted, so we believe there are also pre adoption trauma issues at play here, but whatever the reason, we need to give him a clear message about boundaries and limits. He is on a fast road to self destruction and he is destroying the peace in our home. We do not have other children living at home, but our decisions might need to be different in that case, the impact on siblings. I am still working on figuring out how to post a signature, thanks!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Concerned parent, post: 702727, member: 21045"] Thanks so much for your responses. I am still getting the hang of this discussion forum, so please bear with me in the learning curve. We have secured our spare keys in a lock box, which is hidden away. We will look into other means of disabling our cars, but he is a very smart kid, and always seems 12 steps ahead of us. We are terrified , yes,that he will kill or maim another person by driving the car without skill or legal privilege or possibly, sobriety. We will dial 911 again immediately if it happens again. Also appreciate the reminder to take away the luxury items such as his favorite foods (we will provide basic nutritional items), the phone, etc. He has long standing anxiety issues and a pretty severe learning disability. It seems when he started high school all of the prior empathy and emotional intelligence he had once exhibited got shoved aside as he has had a hard time fitting in with peers and struggled in school. All of that cautiousness he had before that time has become just the opposite with very scary risk taking. We will take away his allowance, which is a small monthly amount, as well as put up other limits so that being home is not like living in a hotel with room service. He does go to therapy weekly, but I think avoids dealing with these issues by focusing on girlfriend drama or other distractions. He is likely using pot to self medicate. He has connected with a "friend" who has dropped out of school at age 18 and lives at home, has no job, and has been in and out of living at home. I appreciate this board so much. There is such fatigue and shame and isolation which we feel, and it is hell not being able to trust a child who once seemed to care about his integrity, once was a rule follower. He is adopted, so we believe there are also pre adoption trauma issues at play here, but whatever the reason, we need to give him a clear message about boundaries and limits. He is on a fast road to self destruction and he is destroying the peace in our home. We do not have other children living at home, but our decisions might need to be different in that case, the impact on siblings. I am still working on figuring out how to post a signature, thanks! [/QUOTE]
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17 year old son has us feeling trapped
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