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17 Yr old son has CD
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<blockquote data-quote="Lila256" data-source="post: 722432" data-attributes="member: 22431"><p>It's a difficult situation. In theory, your wife is absolutely correct. Parents should not have to go through all of this alone. We are not dealing with teenage acting out, but severe, dangerous issues that there really is no roadmap for. The assistance that is supposed to exist to help in this type of situation is mostly nonexistent or incompetent to the point of nonexistence. I imagine especially in your wife's case that it would be extremely difficult, because from what it sounds like she really had no idea what she was getting into by taking your son into her inner sanctum because of the communication issues with his mom. When my stepson's father and I started dating, he was completely upfront about what was going on with his son so I knew at least in concept what I was getting myself into when I chose to share an apartment with them, and it was still extraordinarily difficult. I've been a peer counselor for people going through very similar issues for 20 years, and it was still extraordinarily difficult. It tests every part of who you are.</p><p></p><p>At least judging by my experience, it will be difficult to force any type of long-term removal without incidents of violence. We were repeatedly told, "it has to get worse." And of course that doesn't make it any easier dealing with the extreme levels of violation and fear that you feel as a parent going through this, especially if you are new to the battle. I would still bring up your concerns at absolutely every opportunity, especially in a court situation. I wouldn't let your son know that you are afraid necessarily, but I would tell every professional involved in the situation how overwhelmed you are and how afraid your wife is for her safety. </p><p></p><p>In my case, my stepson was not removed from the home by any type of court order. We had taken him to the pediatric psychiatric ward after he tried to kill his father because the police refused to arrest him. They only kept him for about four days before they tried to release him as a model patient! We were panicking the whole time because we were both really scared so we repeatedly asked the professionals at the psychiatric ward, his professionals, the crisis line, the court clerk, anyone we could think of trying to find answers of what we were going to do to keep everyone safe. The only real option we were given after fighting for as long as we had and exhausting as many resources as we had was to leave him at the psychiatric ward, forcing them to hand him off to CPS. CPS has been making an anemic attempt to keep him placed with his problematic mother (who is also going through chemo for advanced cancer) for the last six months which isn't working out because he has now assaulted her husband twice, sexually assaulted two little girls at the facility his mom lives at, and tried to burn the facility down. Last week, they literally just left him in our driveway, forcing a huge, dramatic scene with the police, his mother, etc. Thankfully I am the legal owner of this house (and his father is not), so as the owner I can say he is not allowed here (which I do with his father's blessing). Now they are trying to charge his biological parents with neglect because they won't take him back, which we were warned of when we decided to hand him over to CPS. The likelihood is that it won't probably come to anything in terms of punishment against his parents because he does have a history of violence, but it is a drawn out court battle that is probably the last thing we all want to deal with at this moment. The irony of this system trying to charge his father with neglect at this point is pretty amazing, but apparently it's a common tactic used to force the parents to take children back.</p><p></p><p>Also, especially because he is past the age of 13, keep copies of all paperwork related to him in one place because you may not have the opportunity to go back and collect certain pieces of paperwork at a later date if needed. Keep in mind that there may come a point where you will need to protect yourself and show a history of issues. I do not envy the situation you now find yourself in. At least he will be an adult soon, which gives you and your wife far more protection legally because you have no legal obligation to his care after he turns 18. Keep reaching out to any resources you can find to support your wife and you through this. Sometimes you get lucky! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lila256, post: 722432, member: 22431"] It's a difficult situation. In theory, your wife is absolutely correct. Parents should not have to go through all of this alone. We are not dealing with teenage acting out, but severe, dangerous issues that there really is no roadmap for. The assistance that is supposed to exist to help in this type of situation is mostly nonexistent or incompetent to the point of nonexistence. I imagine especially in your wife's case that it would be extremely difficult, because from what it sounds like she really had no idea what she was getting into by taking your son into her inner sanctum because of the communication issues with his mom. When my stepson's father and I started dating, he was completely upfront about what was going on with his son so I knew at least in concept what I was getting myself into when I chose to share an apartment with them, and it was still extraordinarily difficult. I've been a peer counselor for people going through very similar issues for 20 years, and it was still extraordinarily difficult. It tests every part of who you are. At least judging by my experience, it will be difficult to force any type of long-term removal without incidents of violence. We were repeatedly told, "it has to get worse." And of course that doesn't make it any easier dealing with the extreme levels of violation and fear that you feel as a parent going through this, especially if you are new to the battle. I would still bring up your concerns at absolutely every opportunity, especially in a court situation. I wouldn't let your son know that you are afraid necessarily, but I would tell every professional involved in the situation how overwhelmed you are and how afraid your wife is for her safety. In my case, my stepson was not removed from the home by any type of court order. We had taken him to the pediatric psychiatric ward after he tried to kill his father because the police refused to arrest him. They only kept him for about four days before they tried to release him as a model patient! We were panicking the whole time because we were both really scared so we repeatedly asked the professionals at the psychiatric ward, his professionals, the crisis line, the court clerk, anyone we could think of trying to find answers of what we were going to do to keep everyone safe. The only real option we were given after fighting for as long as we had and exhausting as many resources as we had was to leave him at the psychiatric ward, forcing them to hand him off to CPS. CPS has been making an anemic attempt to keep him placed with his problematic mother (who is also going through chemo for advanced cancer) for the last six months which isn't working out because he has now assaulted her husband twice, sexually assaulted two little girls at the facility his mom lives at, and tried to burn the facility down. Last week, they literally just left him in our driveway, forcing a huge, dramatic scene with the police, his mother, etc. Thankfully I am the legal owner of this house (and his father is not), so as the owner I can say he is not allowed here (which I do with his father's blessing). Now they are trying to charge his biological parents with neglect because they won't take him back, which we were warned of when we decided to hand him over to CPS. The likelihood is that it won't probably come to anything in terms of punishment against his parents because he does have a history of violence, but it is a drawn out court battle that is probably the last thing we all want to deal with at this moment. The irony of this system trying to charge his father with neglect at this point is pretty amazing, but apparently it's a common tactic used to force the parents to take children back. Also, especially because he is past the age of 13, keep copies of all paperwork related to him in one place because you may not have the opportunity to go back and collect certain pieces of paperwork at a later date if needed. Keep in mind that there may come a point where you will need to protect yourself and show a history of issues. I do not envy the situation you now find yourself in. At least he will be an adult soon, which gives you and your wife far more protection legally because you have no legal obligation to his care after he turns 18. Keep reaching out to any resources you can find to support your wife and you through this. Sometimes you get lucky! :-) [/QUOTE]
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